My Cutting

My experience with Cutting!

I discovered cutting when I was 11 years old… It was instant gratification on my body; I was trying to match my outside with my inside! I don’t think I was trying to kill myself, but there got to points when if I went to deep, I wouldn’t care. My whole world came crashing down at 10, but cutting was what I felt was right. I always hide my cuts with makeup and bracelets… For a while I stopped, but then things got so ruff at home that I didn’t care if I started again! I never really used scissors; I used a piece of glass, because when you cut with glass at first you don’t feel it, then like 1 minute later, your wrist hurt like hell, I know at point there would be scars, but sometimes I didn’t care…

                I started taking my anger out on the people that I love, and for a while, I’ll admit it, I didn’t care who I hurt… As long as they felt the pain I was feeling everything seemed right. Cutting isn’t something I’d wish one anyone, even the people who dislike me… School got to a place where I just wanted to skip because girls were saying stuff about me, and judging me and my body… I know my flaws and I don’t accept a lot of them, but I’m getting there. I cut match what they said, I mean most of the time when I smiled, a lot of the time, it wasn’t real… Behind every smile there’s a little faking behind it!

                My cutting isn’t something that I’m happy about, but it was something that was my escape… My way of saying, this is my body and I don’t care? Family tried helping with my problems by sending me to treatment, but I mostly faked the whole thing, I mean I learned a lot, but at most times I decided not to use my coping skills that I learned! I let my grades slip for the last 2 years because at times I didn’t care? I was always committed to my school work, but it got my families attention. I wasn’t proud of what I was doing. My life now revolves around, ‘Stay Strong.’ If this could reach at least one girl to stop hurting herself than I would feel nothing but good…