The Published Poet

Semi-factual poem about one of my professors.

 

For Professor Charles Harper Webb

 

 

I told everyone

How lucky I am

My English professor

Is a published poet!!!

 

Not only that

He used to be a musician!

He used to have a band!

I bet he’s still got a Mohawk!!!

 

He’s posed for pictures for his books

He’s done interviews

And he’s really well respected

You should all be jealous of me!

 

What the hell?

Are you serious?

You see my textbook?

HE FRICKIN’ EDITED IT!

 

What the hell is your math professor famous for?

Guinness World Record for

The biggest parabola?

X equals: math sucks!

 

I squirm in my desk

Sooo excited

I can’t wait to go home

With his autograph!

 

I bet he’s driving up now

In his Mercedes Benz

That loud commotion out there

Must be his adoring fans

 

Who’s that dude

Walking into our class

He looks a little too old

To be my classmate

 

Short, red hair

Bright blue eyes

Hiding behind glasses

A flannel shirt and a rollaway backpack

 

What the hell

Is he doing

Sitting at

The front of the room?

 

“Good morning, class

“This is English 476B

“And I’m your professor

“Charles Harper Webb.”

 

What the f**k

THIS is what a published poet looks like?!

Doesn’t he even own a watch from Omega?

He looks just like anyone else does!

 

Oh my God

What if he’s that dude

I cut off in the parking lot this morning?

Or flipped off on the 405?

 

Or is he that dude

Who offered to pay my last sixty-five cents

When I held up the line

At Victoria’s Secret?

 

I don’t know this f****r from Adam

And he’s way more accomplished

Than I’ll probably hope to be!

Hope I didn’t just jinx myself

 

Well, except for differences in

Manner(s), little quirks, and gender

For the most part he’s

Just like me

 

Has a job to do

Isn’t interested in flashy clothes

I’m sure he’d love extra money around

But the knock-off Timex watch he has looks nice

 

Ok, so maybe there’s hope

Maybe the fancy cars

The adoring (psycho) fans

And being like Angelina Jolie aren’t up my alley

 

I’ll be able to walk down the street

Go to the movies

Marry someone who loves me for me

I’m a future incognito celebrity

 

I’ll leave people in blissful ignorance

I’m going to be just like Professor Webb someday

Writers who do it right

Get their cake and eat it too

 

But for now I’ll put on my Starbucks apron

And smile for the future

And smirk when that b***h

Realizes I spit in her bold coffee.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

No, I do NOT spit in the drinks I make for my customers. Even if that lady IS a bitch.

Reviews

[Brjden (Bridge-Den) Cre..]

I always enjoy how raw and playful your writing is. Very conversational and easy to interpret. I'm sure you have tons of friends given your openness and humor!

What the f**k
THIS is what a published poet looks like?!
Doesn't he even own a watch from Omega?
He looks just like anyone else does!

Oh my God
What if he's that dude
I cut off in the parking lot this morning?
Or flipped off on the 405?

I love your spirit and you have a keen intelligence and respect for your diction, which I love! Great write!