Sonnet 130--Translated

Another skeleton in my poetic closet.

Sonnet 130--Translated

 

Hey, listen up, fool

Ok, the sideburns are awful, I know--it makes him look like Shaggy

In speaking of Shaggy, that describes his hair!

Hey, while we're on the subject, I never knew it snowed in LA until he shook his head

He's probably never heard of the SUN, he's so pale!

God, his laugh...I've heard maniacs with saner laughs.

Have you seen him dance?

But God...when I felt his face, it lit me up--genuinely.

His hair may look a little weird, but I think it frames his face beautifully.

Ok, he has dandruff...so do I. We're out of Head and Shoulders, ok?!

So he's pale--he still plays outside more than I do. It shows up in his muscles.

I can stand his laugh--his laughter is a sign to me that he's happy

Once again, his dancing is strange--but it cracks me up--and makes me happy too.

I don't care what you say

I love him.

He's worth more to me than a popular cute guy.

 

 

 

This is the original. I wasn't poetically savy enough to be able to mimic Shakespeare's rhyme and meter, but I got the same concept down:

 

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress when she walks treads on the ground.
     And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
     As any she belied with false compare.

Author's Note

I was in love once, you know.

Reviews

[Gandré]

this is wonderful, I voted for you.
Loved your classical approach.

[Steve]

I love this inverted take on Shakespeare's poem, you bring it forward some 400 years to great effect. The humour you inject into this piece is great, it made me laugh. You are so talented.

[Brjden (Bridge-Den) Cre..]

Incredible!!!! I love the piece. I feel like if you're going to be a writer, PLEASE be original! Find your niche and your style and continue to craft intelligent work around original and entertaining concepts. I love what you've done here, and I always love your humor! This something that I've always thought of doing, but I don't think I could've translated Shakespeare as cleverly as you have here! Great piece.......

[Drew Wade]

can you throw the original in, just for comparison's sake??? I like this. It reminds me of the urban version of the Bible.