Forty Steps

The hardest step to take in achieving your dreams is the first one.

 

Annie’s parents were never rich enough to buy a decent sized home. It worked out fine when Annie and her two siblings were smaller, but now, all of them, one working full time, Annie her in second year of college and the youngest still in middle school, felt cramped in their small rooms that used to grander when they could build kingdoms with Legos with stuffed animals for subjects. The rooms were now like tiny dorm rooms; when Annie went to her classmate’s dorm to work on a project for her business ethics class, she felt as if she were back at her house with college-themed posters all over the walls and her twin-sized mattress taking up more than half of the room.

 

Annie put the last of her clothes into the small duffel bag and made sure the travel kit was packed. When she picked up her bag and she slung it over her shoulder, the visor she worse to work fell off the bed, and the golden arches stitched onto it seemed to smile at her from upside-down.

 

Annie opened the door and looked down the short hallway where she could see the front door. Annie once measured the distance from her door in the back of the house to the front door by counting her steps. Despite two rooms, one on each side of the hallway, and the living room, Annie measured about barely forty steps from her room to the front door.

 

“You took time off from work, right?” her father asked her abruptly. Annie’s eyes flew from the front door to face her father, up earlier than he usually would on a weekday.

 

“You’re home from the graveyard shift already?” Annie asked.

 

“I made sure someone could cover my shift,” he said, eyeing her and making her think of how short notice she gave to her manager for these only two days off.

 

“Honey, don’t you think you’re being a little too loud for five o’clock in the morning?” her mother asked tenderly, in her rose print nightgown. Her father showed no indication that he felt his wife’s hand on his shoulder.

 

“I gave them two weeks notice, that’s more than most of my coworkers give,” Annie said, fidgeting and trying to move towards the door.

 

“No later than eight on Sunday night,” he said firmly. “You hear me, young lady?”

 

“Yes, Dad,” Annie said obediently. Her father made an about face and stomped into the master bedroom, lying on his side, his back to her and crossing his arms as if he were pouting. Annie’s mother forced a smile on her face and took a step back towards the bedroom.

 

“You heard what your father said,” her mother said, half-running to the bedroom to comfort her father. When the door closed, Annie finally remembered to breathe again. She looked at where she was now standing away from her door. Two steps. Annie started her walk down the hallway, making her next twelve steps in peace.

 

“You really should learn how to keep your voice down,” Bull huffed, swinging his door open and slamming it against his wall. Annie forgot if she was going to step fifteen or sixteen and that Bull worked the early shift at the factory that her father worked at.

 

“Sorry,” Annie said, trying to push past Bull.

 

“You had to go and piss Dad off again,” Bull said, his large frame filling the doorway before he stood in front of her. “Now all he’s going to do is piss and moan about how you could be working and he’s going to take it all out on me. Way to be selfish.”

 

“Then just lock yourself back in there and play with your stupid Wii like you always do,” Annie snapped. “Now get out of my way.” Annie shoved past Bull, his large body forcing her to push against the little table with the small snapshot of the family, shaking as she moved. She resumed walking. Twenty-three steps.

 

“How are you going to get there?” Maggie asked, poking her head out of her door. Maggie was the one that Annie looked the most like; she reminded Annie what she was like when she was twelve.

 

“Like I always do,” Annie said looking at her watch. “In my car.”

 

“Ok, I knew that,” Maggie said in Annie’s twelve-year-old voice. “I meant what roads are you taking?”

 

“It’s all on my Mapquest,” Annie said. “It’s early, go back to sleep.” Maggie frowned and had a longing look on her face as she eyed Annie’s bag. Annie sighed. Maggie still had so much time to pick the roads she wanted. Twenty-six steps and twenty-eight, she was in the living room.

 

Dad’s overalls—thirty steps. Bull’s open toolbox—thirty-three steps and rebalance. Mom’s love sofa—two more steps to and two around it. Three steps to the door with Maggie’s Christmas photo from last year. She opened the door and decided to leave it open in case anyone in the family needed to get out too.

 

Annie put her duffel bag on the passenger side seat and when it plopped onto the seat, a paper that had been crumpled up several times and had ink that was beginning to fade fell to the floor. Annie picked it up and read it to herself.

 

“Get your wings today! Come fly with Freedom Flight! Get training from a certified pilot and receive your certification today! Get wings today, fly tonight!” Annie’s smile widened when she confirmed that the address on the flyer matched the one on her directions.

 

As Annie drove out of the neighborhood, she wasn’t sure if it was relief or fear of the unknown when she made a left turn for the freeway instead of going right to school. She had never taken the freeway south before and she had certainly never drove this far alone before. She felt exhilarated all of a sudden as she began the long drive so she could learn how to fly.

 

She noticed she had already drive at least ten miles away from her house in less time than it took to leave it.

 

 

 

Reviews

[Melissa M.]

The story line is great. I especially like the way you titled it to fit so well with the theme. Unfortunately the entire piece is riddled with technical errors that distracted me so much I could barely enjoy the read.

-There are quite a few words missing: "up earlier than he usually would on a weekday" -missing "be"

-In the first paragraph, the line: "It worked out fine when Annie and her two siblings were smaller, but now, all of them, one working full time, Annie her in second year of college and the youngest still in middle school, felt cramped in their small rooms that used to grander when they could build kingdoms with Legos with stuffed animals for subjects." It's a real doozy. This could easily be two seperate sentences.

-In the third paragraph you use Annie's name three times and it's overbearing. We know who she is know so it's okay to say "she".

-"the visor she worse to work fell off the bed" -should be "wore" instead of "worse"

Again, this is a good story with the potential to be great. It would actually make a good prologue leading into a story about Annie and her flight to freedom. Just tighten up the sentences by combining ones that say the same thing, and look out for spelling and overuse of names.
Good luck.

[M J Moore]

Wow, I think this is a great start for a short story! The idea is clearly there, the feelings in it are poignant, and the reader gets a sense of Annie easily, though it is short. Excellent job. The editing leaves something to be desired, but I'm not going to go into that, since Melissa M did that already. I think with some rewording, some elaboration, and using a few more pronouns instead of "Annie" could make this a lot better. You have a great idea here, and I honestly think that if you played around with the syntax, you could create something really good. Don't let this piece go. Some polishing, and you have yourself a great short story!

[OutToLunch]

wow..... i'm speechless! i'm a real sucker for these stories, you know. well done!

[Puzzle-bot]

A great story.

[Nely Amorim]

a very interesting aspect of spreading one's wings so to speak, i felt the trepidation she felt upon making that last dash to freedom, I liked it, I lived it once. excellent read!

[Chillbear Latrigue]

This was cleverly written. The agony of traversing one's own house. Most people would never even write something like this. If they did, it would be completely mundane. However, this was quite entertaining. A short read worth more than the effort.