The Greatest Gift

7th and final story in "The Bridesmaid" series

 

“Look, I lowered the price as much as I could, I told you that online,” I argued with a lady as Jasmine lay on a nest of pillows on the bed. “That’s a really good iHome in perfect condition, I don’t want to go lower than fifty bucks. Well, you know what? Fine then! Go somewhere else for a better deal! Your Abba soundtrack’s gonna sound like s**t on it anyway!” I slammed the phone down and flinched, remembering Jasmine was still prone to getting cranky if I got too loud. I sighed in dismay. So much for fifty extra bucks; I had to pass on that garage sale that weekend. I was going to have to figure out another way to get Jasmine Christmas gifts.

 

“Didn’t work out huh,” Matt said, coming into his bedroom. I put my head into my hands.

 

“Sorry I’m taking too long, but the Internet café was closed,” I said, pulling away from his desk and his laptop. Matt patted my shoulder and nodded his head.

 

“I just wanted to come in and tell you that Darrell’s almost done cooking dinner,” Matt said. “You know you and Jasmine are welcome here anytime. We loved having you two for Thanksgiving.” I nodded my head. If Arianna hadn’t been such a s**t, she would have had a world class cook home with her. I looked at Jasmine. Matt looked at her too before turning back to me.

 

“She doesn’t look like me,” he said directly. “Look at that. She doesn’t even have my eyes.” I got up and looked at her.

 

“We won’t know what her real eye color is for over eight months now,” I said sighing. “She’s just a month old.” Matt nodded, understanding everything I didn’t say. Matt sat on the bed and wedged his finger into Jasmine’s tight little fist.

 

“She really does look like you,” Matt said tenderly, stroking Jasmine’s tiny fingers. I crossed my arms and looked down at the carpet.

 

“He wasn’t even there when she was born,” I said. “Not that he should have had to be there anyhow.” Matt took a deep breath before looking at me again.

 

“I only slept with you once,” he said firmly.

 

“That’s all it takes,” I shot back.

 

“But he slept with you too,” Matt said, raising his voice a little bit. “It’s stupid, Angela. What we did was wrong, we both agreed to that.” I forced down a little gasp.

 

“So that day meant nothing to you,” I said.

 

“I’m not saying it didn’t, that’s not what I’m trying to tell you,” Matt defended.

 

“But it was obviously a mistake,” I said, trying not to cry. “You could have shoved me away, but you didn’t.”

 

“We’ve discussed why I did it,” Matt said. “We’ve never actually talked about why you did it.” I took a step back away from the bed, not wanting to be close to him anymore.

 

“Don’t even think about it, Angela Monroe,” he said, getting up and backing me into a corner. “You’re not getting out of this conversation. Why did you have sex with me that day?” I shook my head sharply, still trying to step back.

 

“You’re not exactly the kind of girl who just does everyone she sees,” Matt said sharply. “So I can only assume for the moment that the reason why you came onto me was because you still had feelings for me.” I tightened my arms.

 

“Admit it,” Matt said, pushing me into the wall. “You still had those leftover feelings for me and you know it.”

 

Those school days in my memory were empty now. Looking into Matt’s eyes, I didn’t see the magic or the light that used to be there. His face was even starting to look worn down at twenty-five. I looked into Matt’s eyes. Perhaps he was right. About back then.

 

“What does it matter now?” I asked. “If I did then, I sure as hell don’t feel it now. No matter what happened, I still lost. I couldn’t have you to begin with, I lost Arianna and Cecelia when I went to the wedding, and now Barry’s gone.”

 

“So now Jasmine means nothing to you too,” Matt said coldly. I looked onto the bed where my baby cooed and curled and uncurled her fists. My heart sank more as I saw more of my facial structure in her.

 

“You might think I’m only helping you and Jasmine out because I feel some sense of responsibility,” Matt said. “Maybe that’s true. I do feel a sense of responsibility because I accept the fact that Jasmine could very well be my baby. But you listen here, Angela Monroe; Barry Donnell has been in love with you since we were fourteen. He only treated you like s**t because you never gave him a chance. All he wanted to do was love you, and yet, eleven years later, you’re still treating him like trash. And for what? For me? We were never together. I’ve never been in love with you, Angela. And after the s**t you did to Barry, I’d never be in love with you. I’d never love a woman who cheats on a man who does everything for her and then talks about her own daughter like she’s a mistake.”

 

Somehow, in the middle of that, I thought about the fight Barry and I had on the beach the day of the wedding. And listening to what Matt said, I was relieved he didn’t feel it was necessary to bring up what I did at Arianna’s wedding. My chest felt heavy with guilt and resentment. I walked past Matt, gently picked Jasmine up and walked out of the room before mumbling a low thanks under my breath and walking out. I didn’t care that Darrell was calling me to dinner.

 

                                                *            *            *            *

 

“You got the wrong cereal, and you’re supposed to get all nine cans of formula, not just four,” the checker said with a frown. I sank. Reading and re-reading the WIC checks just weren’t making it any clearer to me. The checker called over the intercom for a courtesy clerk to help me. I looked at the few groceries I had and realized how much harder it would have been to take Jasmine with me in her baby seat and carry all of this.

 

“I need you to get the store brand of this cereal, and go into the baby formula cabinet and get five more of these,” the checker said as I re-read the WIC checks. I heard a grumble before footsteps stomping off. The checker shook her head.

 

“Sorry bout her,” the checker said. “She’s got a real attitude problem, and if she keeps this up, she won’t survive her probation period. Maybe she’ll go away.” I chuckled as we waited. I heard someone approaching the check stand and I pulled my pen out of my purse to get ready to sign the checks.

 

“Here, that should be everything,” the courtesy clerk said, dropping everything onto the conveyor belt. One of the cans of formula got dented and I looked up to ask for a different one.

 

Arianna looked damn good in her make up despite the fact that her loud, electric yellow safety vest didn’t flatter her skinny little figure. Shock flooded her eyes before a look of deep humiliation filled her face. She looked down at all the baby formula I had. The checker was scanning the items, but looking at us, wondering why Arianna would become so depressed over baby formula. I shrugged at the checker.

 

“Babies gotta eat,” I said, gesturing my chin to all the formula on the check stand.

 

“Do you ever have to breastfeed your baby?” the checker asked. Arianna turned her head away as if a bee had stung her in the face.

 

“Sometimes,” I said uneasily. “I try to get her actual breast milk as much as I can, but when my—my neighbors watch her, they need the formula. They don’t exactly make their own milk.”

 

“Oh yeah, you told me about them once,” the checker said brightly. “Not a lot of people would leave their baby with a gay couple, but I say what’s wrong with them, you know? I know a couple of gay guys, they’re pretty cool.” Arianna stomped away from the check stand to a door that I assumed led to a break room. I shook my head and so did the cashier.

 

“Wait till we tell her that gays can get married in California now, she’ll s**t a cow,” the cashier said self-righteously.

 

                                                *            *            *            *

 

“We were supposed to go shopping for you for a new dress,” Darrell said, strapping Jasmine into her baby seat. “Why are you leaving her with us?”

 

“She doesn’t need to sit through the torture of waiting for her mother to pick out a new dress, and it’s just something I need to do,” I said, helping the driver put my duffel bag in the trunk of the cab. “It’s only one night, I’ll be home tomorrow afternoon the latest.”

 

“Don’t torture yourself, Angela,” Matt said sternly. I bit my lower lip and closed the trunk.

 

“I have to do this Matt,” I said quietly. “Before I can never go back there again.”

 

                                                *            *            *            *

 

I hiked up the hill beside the steps as the movers carried sofas, bookshelves, tables, and a large mattress down to a moving truck. I waited by the side of the door as they filed out like ants. I waited for what seemed like hours of endless movers to leave and when the last mover left the tiny cabin, the door was left wide open. I refused to look up at the top of the doorway and instead, made my way towards the master bedroom.

 

The floorboard creaked under Barry’s leather business shoe. Barry’s huge trench coat made him look like a character in an old, musty detective movie. I looked around. The room. Barry. Completely empty.

 

Finally, Barry took his foot off of the floorboard and began to walk towards the door when he saw me. I looked out the window to avoid his eyes. Tears filled my eyes when I didn’t see any snow. I felt so out of place in this old bedroom.

 

“Thanks for calling and telling me,” I said quietly. Barry nodded his head.

 

“None of us have money to keep this old cabin,” he said quietly. “I know Nanny’s rolling in her grave right now, but I would hope she’d understand.” I stared at the floor.

 

“Off with the old and on with the new, huh?” I said, trying to cheer up. I heard a small huff, and it gave me hope that it meant Barry was smiling, even just a little bit. I looked back to the floor. The silence was suffocating me; it felt so thick and stale like a dried out birthday cake.

 

“I’m going to have to leave soon,” I said. “Can’t leave Jasmine alone for more than a day.” Then I looked up and saw a strange look on Barry’s face. Then I explained that it was my baby’s name. Barry stared at me thoughtfully for a few seconds.

 

“I thought that’s what I heard her name was,” Barry said. I nodded.

 

“Yeah, I forget, sometimes you still talk to Matt and Darrell,” I said. “They must have told you all about her and when she was born too.” I waited for Barry to confirm it and tell me about when the guys talked about it.

 

“I followed you guys to the hospital,” Barry confessed in such a low voice I could barely hear him. “I didn’t think you’d take too well to my being in the room with you, so I just stayed outside. I thought you were ok, but then I saw the doctor wheeling you out and you were unconscious and I…I…I panicked, Angela. I didn’t want to just stand there and do nothing, but the nurses told me I couldn’t go with you. They asked me if I was the father, Angela. I would have lied just to be in that room, but I didn’t want to deny Matt the right.” I could feel all of my extremities, but I felt broken into so many pieces. I felt the gaps in between my hands and my elbows, my knees and my thighs, and my head from my neck.

 

Barry stood there for a moment, refusing to look around. Barry began to walk forward and slowed down when he got closer to me. I looked up at him, expecting him to look at me, but he slid into the space between my shoulder and the wall and started out.

 

“Merry Christmas, Angela,” Barry said quietly. “I hope you and Jasmine are happy.” Barry walked out, not making a sound as he left. I sank to the floor. There was nothing more that I wanted than to stay here forever, but there wasn’t even a chair left that I could sit in.

 

                                                *            *            *            *

 

Matt and Darrell dug through my closet, desperately trying to find something in my closet for the wedding in January. I looked at Jasmine lying in her secondhand bassinet in the living room. I was so thankful she was too young to ask why we didn’t have a Christmas tree.

 

“That is freaking ugly,” Matt said, probably throwing out a business suit I had. “I can’t believe Lilah made you wear that!”

 

“You saw my uniform for my coffee runner thing,” I called from the living room. “Would you like me to wear that instead?”

 

“That’s ok, sweats and a blue vest will get you kicked out of the church,” Darrell said before sighing with defeat. “Babe, we may have to shell out a little extra to go get a new dress. Assuming Jason and Cecelia don’t kill her first for coming with us.”

 

“No they can’t, because it said on the invitation we could bring one extra guest, and I think I found something,” Matt said confidently. “It’s gorgeous. It might outdo the bride, but the bride’s been outdone when it comes to her fiancé.” Darrell laughed out loud before summoning me to my room. My smile dropped to a sickened frown.

 

My flaming hot pink bridesmaid dress was crinkled from all the other outfits I had crammed it in between. The halter straps hung limp from the bust of my dress as the whole dress hung by the elastic loops on the hanger. The front of the dress was folded up a little, revealing the petticoat weaving underneath to make the fluffy effect for the skirt. Matt and Darrell went off about how I didn’t have anything else to wear and we were all low on money, so I had no other choice. My sneer turned into a frown after I touched it lightly.

 

A few grains of sand fell from the dress.

 

                                                *            *            *            *

 

The dress felt very loose and I was half hoping that it would fall off my body. Being stripped naked in front of everyone in the congregation would have been less of a disgrace. Matt and Darrell had to tug me up when the rest of the church stood up to salute the bride. Jason adjusted his tie and his face sharpened as the tie wound tighter around his neck.

 

Cecelia made her way down the aisle alone, with no parent’s arm to lean on for support. Cecelia was completely covered up to her neck; lace covered her arms all the way up to her shoulders, making a collar around her neck, reminding me of those old oil paintings from the nineteenth century. The netting of her veil was so thick that it was a wonder she could see anything at all, let alone the altar. As she passed us, I remembered feeling so angry the day of Arianna’s wedding. I remembered being excited at the same time, waiting for the moment I would take Arianna down. Cecelia I think took a quick glance at me. She remembered it too.

 

And what memories they were.

 

The priest asked the congregation to speak up if there were any objections. There was silence for a good minute. I blinked my eyes rapidly, feeling as if the silence had once again thickened. I began to look around, not knowing what I was supposed to find. Suddenly, other people were looking around, expecting something. Even though nobody said a word, I could feel it in the air that Cecelia was panicking. Jasmine began to whimper in her baby seat. I picked her up and patted her back to try and calm her, but her whimpers increased to loud cries.

 

“You promised!” I heard an angered voice from the back of the church. I whipped around, my dress sinking down, almost exposing my strapless bra.

 

Arianna stormed down the aisle and I stepped back from the edge of the pew, holding Jasmine to me protectively. Arianna didn’t even see me, keeping her eyes focused in one place for once. She ran up the aisle and when she reached the top, she shoved Cecelia out of the way and then she wrapped her arms around Jason before he had a chance to react.

 

“You said that we would be together!” she screamed. “You told me we would always be together and that I was your soulmate!”

 

“But I’m his soulmate,” Cecelia said, clueless.

 

“Arianna, you knew I proposed to Cecelia,” Jason said, his eyes shifting back and forth. Arianna looked up into Jason’s gray eyes.

 

“I don’t have anyone else,” she said desperately in tears. “You would never abandon me, would you? Not your precious Tinkerbell, would you?”

 

“Tinkerbell?” Cecelia demanded, starting to see what was going on. “You…you said I was your Tinkerbell, Jason! Why are you calling her your nickname for me?”

 

“Baby, don’t leave me,” Arianna begged, falling to her knees and exposing her expensive stilettos. Cecelia bent down and yanked the heel to her, Arianna gasping in shock.

 

“How do you manage to get by on minimum wage at Albertsons and be able to have these shoes?” Cecelia demanded. “Has he been buying stuff for you, Arianna?”

 

“It was a loan,” Jason said as Arianna gaped.

 

“So she’s giving back that money,” Cecelia asked suspiciously. Arianna stood up and shoved Jason.

 

“You never said I had to pay you back, you said you’d get me anything I wanted!” Arianna yelled. Cecelia shoved Jason.

 

“You never buy me s**t!” she screamed. “I had to twist your God damn arm to get married this year and you keep saying you don’t have enough money! So is this where all this money’s going?”

 

“He bought this damn wedding for you, didn’t he?” Arianna demanded. “Angela’s been paying for everything else!”

 

“What,” Cecelia said deadpanned. My heart dropped. Matt and Darrell gripped me by both of my arms and Jasmine oddly began to calm. Maybe it was because the screaming stopped.

 

“He’s been taking money out of her account since she remodeled my house,” Arianna said with a big smile on her face. “She’s paying me back for that huge project.”

 

“Well, why’d you make her do that project if you didn’t have the damn money?” Cecelia asked. “Or was she handing over her paycheck to you then too?”

 

“She’s giving back all the money she made me spend on that project,” Arianna said with a sneer, looking for me in the audience but never finding me. “She made me waste all that money for that big room I wanted and she knew that I didn’t have enough money.”

 

“Oh, did she twist your arm and make you spend all that money?” Cecelia asked getting into Arianna’s face. “Did she force you to remodel? Did she hold you up at gun point and tell you to let her remodel or she’d blow your head off?” Arianna closed her mouth but a fiercely angry look forced Cecelia to take a few steps back. Arianna shoved Cecelia back, almost pushing her to the edge of the altar before Cecelia threw a punch and practically obliterated Arianna’s nose. Family began to race to the altar, to try and save the bride while some friends tried to keep Cecelia from hurting Arianna more as the fight intensified. Matt and Darrell said something about keeping the baby and me out of harm’s way and began to pull me out of the church.

 

The last thing I saw of them was Jason watching, almost fascinated, as Cecelia and Arianna tore each other to pieces.

 

                                                *            *            *            *

 

I stuffed my dress into the back of the closet as Jasmine napped. I leaned over the crib and watched her sleep for a few minutes. She was so beautiful. She was the beautiful result of the ugliest thing I could have done to another human being.

 

I left the guest room window open so I could hear Jasmine from the third floor. I closed the front door behind me and walked downstairs to the back garden. I slowly approached the bush of jasmine that Barry had planted a year ago. I touched it and a few leaves fell off. I hadn’t watered it since before Barry left. I felt hands on my shoulders and I spun around, ready to fight.

 

“Angela,” Barry whispered. I felt my insides cramp tightly with pain as soon as I looked into his eyes.

 

“Let go of me,” I commanded softly, trying to break free of his grip. Barry just held tighter.

 

“I don’t want to,” Barry said determinedly. I could feel my blood boiling.

 

“Are you crazy?!” I yelled at him. “Why do you want me, Barry? Why do you want a filthy, lying cheater like me? Huh? Tell me that! Tell me what makes me so god damned special from any other cheater out there!” Barry stood there for a moment, trying to think of something clever to say when I could hear faint crying from one of the top windows.

 

“Jasmine,” I got out, trying to break free again. “Hey, let me go! My baby is crying, let me go!” I struggled against Barry once again, but the more I fought, the tighter he held.

 

“I want you back,” Barry said, miserably, probably trying to get me to pity him. “This past year has been hell without you. I felt like s**t just leaving you like that, Angela. Without even letting you explain or try to work things out.” All of a sudden, I felt disgusted by the very man I want nothing more than just to be with for the rest of my life.

 

“You sound like Darrell,” I spat, before shoving him away and running up the three flights of stairs to my apartment. I hurriedly swung the door open and ran to Jasmine’s room and held her to get her to stop crying.

 

Pounding footsteps that echoed my own desperation came closer and closer, and as much as I wanted to shut Barry out forever, I couldn’t even muster enough strength to go to the front door. Barry called my name as soon as he got inside, searching the familiar apartment he hadn’t seen for almost a year. Barry went down the hallway to the guest room, and from the look on his face, he wondered what a tabby old mattress and my clothes were doing scattered around the room before looking up. Calmly, Barry walked towards me, and I held Jasmine tighter to my body as if he were going to take her from me.

 

“Get away from me, Barry,” I said, my voice beginning to break. Barry’s face sank with heartbreak.

 

“I did this to you,” Barry said coming closer to me. “I helped make you this miserable.”

 

“Get out, it’s for everyone’s own good,” I said, backing away. “You don’t want a cheater like me, Barry. You deserve more than that.” Barry kept approaching me. “Are you deaf?! Get out! Get out of here! I did this to myself, I f*****g asked for it! I made my bed, and not only am I sleeping in it, it’s in the tiny guest room across the way! And the baby you didn’t help create is sleeping in your room! God damnit, Barry, get out of here! I don’t want you to be like Darrell. I don’t want it, Barry, please don’t be Darrell.” My knees gave out from under me and I fell to the hardwood floor and sobbed into my little girl’s shoulder.

 

Barry kneeled in front of me and began to pry my arms off of Jasmine.

 

“No!” I yelled. “Don’t touch her! Don’t F*****G touch my baby, you hear me?! You have no right to touch her! She’s not yours, you hear me?!” Barry roughly yanked my hands away and took Jasmine into his arms and held her gently to his chest. Jasmine began to quiet and Barry put her back in her crib. He turned to me.

 

“You put her in our bedroom,” he said. I wasn’t sure if he was condemning me. “You obviously felt like she belonged in here for some reason.” I backed into a corner and Barry slowly approached me as if he were about to catch a bird before it could fly away.

 

“She’s not your baby,” I said, beginning to cry. “You don’t owe us jack.” Barry kneeled back in front of me, pinning me to the closet door where my bridesmaid dress hung. My breath began to quicken when Barry’s hands began to unbutton my wrinkled shirt. When it was open, he reached inside and began to touch me. I barely caught my breath.

 

“You’re so soft,” he whispered, continuing to touch me. I almost forgot what it felt like. “She can be mine, you know. You can, too. If you’d just come back to me.” I shook my head.

 

“You’re worse than Darrell, you know that?” I said. “Not only are you willing to take back a woman who cheated on you, you’re willing to live with and even take care of a baby that probably isn’t yours. I can’t believe you’re willing to put up with that kind of a past.”

 

“You’re the only one holding onto the past, Angela,” Barry said sternly. “I was willing to let you go. In fact, I believe I did let you go. Hell, whenever I heard or said your name, I didn’t think about you. But I needed to know that you weren’t the same Angela I went down the aisle with on that wedding day. You’re not the same as you were then, but you’re still the Angela I fell in love with years ago. But you can’t love me the way I need you to by sulking in a corner over one mistake.” Barry stood up. “If you still want me Angela, I’m here. I can wait for you forever. But I’m not taking you back until you come back to me on your own. I love you, Angela. I never loved anyone else but you. There’s something waiting for you when you come home to me. I’ll wait for you and Jasmine. The decision is yours.” Barry walked out, keeping his face stony, but I knew better. I closed my eyes tightly again. I was praying that if he did take me back that he wouldn’t care what color Jasmine’s eyes would be.

 

 I curled up in the corner. I leaned against the closet door. The wood creaked behind me and I turned to look at it.

 

                                                *            *            *            *

 

I pushed the lid of the huge trashcan up and with my left hand, and I threw the dress in. I dropped the lid and unceremoniously dusted my hands off. I stood there for a few minutes. Throwing away the dress was supposed to rid me of my slavery to my past.

 

But oddly, I had felt free before I had even decided to get rid of the dress.

 

I took a few steps back until my back collided with someone’s chest. I whipped around, struggling until I calmed.

 

Barry stood in front of me, and he pulled something out of his jacket. He handed me the flat, wrapped package. Without needing to be told, I opened it.

 

“Love is the greatest gift of forgiveness,” I read aloud. I sobbed and threw myself into Barry’s arms as he held me tightly back.

 

We didn’t live in his grandparents’ cabin, but the piece of doorframe with the saying on it would fit perfectly in our apartment.

 

 

 

Author's Note

To be able to understand this story completely, you MUST have read these stories first and in this exact order: "The Bridesmaid", "Fallen", "Snowing in December", "Coffee", "Scorpio Falling" and "Libra Rising". If you have not, please do NOT leave comments here that you didn't understand this story. Thank you.

Reviews

[visee]

OMG! This is so good. :)

[Rena Beau]

One of the most fantastic pieces I have ever read. I rarely find pieces that suck me in as much as this series has. Just from reading it I felt the emotions the characters did, and I positively loved the twists and turns that kept you on the edge of your seat every time. Pure genius.

[Anne Hill]

yay, they ended up together, I'm so happy

[.abigail.]

this is an awesome series. thanks for entering it in the Your favourite writing contest. I love it. =)

[Nicole (Carpe Diem)]

this story was very captivating - loved the flow of each chapter -
fantastic writing. sad to see it end.

[JC]

I will go back to my original statement in that this would make an excellant novel. If this were the case, I would develop how the group all came to become friends, maybe use flashback instead of starting from the beginng and working to this point. The self destructive nature of the main charactor has been most engaging.

Now, I think the point of the ending is that it does not matter who the "father" is. In the end, Anglea made the decision to give up being martyr for happiness.

Finally, a clean up on the spelling and sentence structure would really put this series into a different level. There were some scenes that felt disconnected, but again, I would refer back to the top about expanding on how the relationships came to be.

Excellant read and Kudos on not limiting this to a five part serires. Sometimes we just have to go where the story takes us.

JC

[~D.A. Phoenix~]

Ok soooooooooo who's her dad? huh huh huh? i want to know. It was a great story. I'm kinda sad it's over

[Irin Chendale]

Crap, where are the tissues! Fantastic story. I, too, am curious whose baby it actually is. Although in the end that doesn't really matter, does it?

[sutoraika]

Great ending! Oh, but who's baby is it, really? I hope it's Barry's.