The Harsh Truth of Time

This is a little story that came from a dream...plus Sebastian just wouldn't let me be til I told her story...

 

Ms. Huggle woke in the morning in pain. It didn't surprise her as it had begun to happen more often of late. Her joints and back ached as she tried to get up; finding it too difficult to stand straight just yet, Ms. Huggle toddled to the bathroom.
She contemplated things as she went through her daily tasks of washing her face and preparing for the day ahead. She'd been ignoring the signs for some time she decided; perhaps that was one of the problems of growing old. Not wishing to acknowledge that you were getting old.

As she dressed, slowly due to her stiff and painful body this morning, she began to assess the changes that had occurred over the last few years. Many changes went unnoticed till she'd begun to assess her current situation. Over her tea she began to come to a rather unpleasant result; that her life clock was running out of time.

"Oh dear, I had so hoped that this time would not come. But that was foolish of me, wasn't it Sebastian?" Ms Huggle glanced over at the black tomcat that walked into the room just then. He looked at her with large green eyes that seemed to say, "What did you expect, to live forever?" He gave her a look and she took the bowl of kibble off the table and put it down slowly on the floor. "Sorry it's not liver or chicken my friend, but our funds don't go far enough for those treats anymore." Sebastian sniffed his food then gave her a soft meow before he began to eat. "Thank you for understanding dear boy." Ms. Huggle said to him, then sat back to finish her tea which had cooled. She tisked and lifted her little china teapot to add a bit more hot tea to warm her cup up.

The sun was beginning to peek into the kitchen window as Ms. Huggle finished her breakfast of tea, toast and jam. She'd been going over the many changes that she'd made, disturbed that she'd made so many without thinking about why she'd actually done them. Like her little table here in the kitchen, it used to be clear of clutter with a vase of flowers on it which she changed out every few days. But now her tea set sat to one side, the toaster on the other. Now one side was against the wall, so that she had everything within reach and plugged in if needed. But when she had done this, she couldn't recall, only that it had not always been so.

As she cleared up the breakfast things and made everything neat, she realized many more things that had changed in her life that she'd not been aware of being changed. Like her walks that she so loved, had gradually over time become shorter and less frequent. Her baking and cooking that used to be traditional and seasonal events, slowly became occasional instead.

True, when her children were about, her life was far more busy and filled with activity and the sort of energy only children can bring to a household. But those times we're long behind her, Ms. Huggle had been on her own for many years now. Her children had grown up and after some time the visits became fewer and calls came only during the holidays for the most part. But that was the way of things she mused, they were all busy with their own lives now and she was not close enough to be involved. She felt no bitterness or remorse, a bit wistful now and again as she'd have liked to know her grandchildren better.
But she understood that life was very consuming when you were young, it filled you up and overflowed to those around you. Then when you were older with children it became a whirlwind of chaos, no matter how you planned it. It was like being at sea, you never knew when a storm would suddenly pounce on you from out of no where. But it was an exciting and confusing time to enjoy she thought.

Now Ms. Huggle's life was mostly quiet, her only companion these last few years was the black tom who'd adopted her one stormy night. He was a skinny little drowned rat then, cowering on her back porch, miserable and frightened. She'd let him in, dried him off and set him some food out which he managed to gobble up without getting sick. She had no need for a little box, as he would slip out a window or when he found it later, the old doggie dog to do his business. He grew quickly into a fine black tom, independent and regal as most cats. But he never forgot her kindness, was often affectionate and he always seemed to be around when she needed him to be.

Ms. Huggle walked slowly into the living room, with its small sofa, her rocking chair and the coffee table all neatly waiting. Her knitting basket sat beside her chair, but she couldn't recall the last time she'd worked on any of her projects. The baby blanket and booties she'd made the last grandchild had been years ago. She'd made a set for each one, just as she'd made a set for each of her own children while she was pregnant. It was sort of a tradition for her. But it had been some time since there had been a baby born. Her grandchildren where growing up so quickly it seemed.

She opened the curtains to let in the light of the day, it seemed very nice and mild out. Perhaps a walk would help loosen her aching joints and give her a bit of exercise. She'd become a bit rounder in the last few years, not fat really, but plumper. It had been rather distressing to her as she began to wear house dresses more than pants. But the dresses did give her a bit more freedom of movement and didn't pinch like the pants did. She'd never been fond of dresses and had been a tomboy most of her life. It bothered her that she was stuck wearing pull up elastic pants when she chose to wear pants. She often would only do so if she was going out, as she really didn't like to be seen in a dress. But going out to run errands and maybe stop to have a bite to eat out had slowly tapered off these last few years. Mostly since she could now do everything she needed to do online.

Ms. Huggle prided herself on that skill, that she could be tech savvy and manage her affairs online with little effort. But it also brought into view that she had been putting off some very important matters that needed to be finally addressed. The aches in her bones and the lessening of her energy all warned her that time was no longer something she could ignore. Papers had to be filed, her Will needed updating. She needed to write all the new information about her accounts, the house and such down so that everything could be tended to when she was no longer there. Sebastian also needed to be taken care of she realized. If she didn't provide for him, he most likely would be sent to the pound or left to fend for himself on the streets again. As Ms. Huggle looked out the window, watching the morning creep by, she knew that she didn't want to leave, but that it really wasn't her choice. In the end, the time comes for everyone, ready or not. At least, she'd not gone before, she'd not been cheated out of her life, and she'd had a very productive and adventurous time. Her children and grandchildren would continue on and with them a part of her would live on.

She went into her little computer room, which had once been her youngest boy's bedroom. But here was where she tended to the paperwork that was her life and legacy. There were two file cabinets together with a printer on top. The bookshelf was filled to overflowing, but she knew where every book was that she needed. In the closet were the memory boxes. Plastic containers that held the past in safety. Each was labeled and organized, though she couldn't recall when she'd done it. Though Ms. Huggle was very glad she'd accomplished that task. It meant less that she had left to do. Each of her children had a box in which she'd stored the treasures of their young lives. She still added things to them as she received them, a baby's birth announcement, a drawing. It was all lovingly preserved.

Sitting at her computer, Ms. Huggle felt time slip away from her as it always did when she worked. Quickly, her mind still sharp in this area, she tapped away on the keyboard bringing up files, sending off emails and making arrangements and appointments for later in the week. Within a few hours, Sebastian came in to ask for his lunch and Ms. Huggle smiled at him. "I'm sorry my dear, have I forgotten the time again?" He bumped up against her legs and she realized they'd gone a bit numb. Best to move around a bit to get things moving again, she decided. Used to the dull pain, she brushed it aside as she went out to the kitchen to make something for them to eat. The clock said it was just after noon, so she put down Sebastian's moist beef cat food, while she went to the frig for something for herself.

As she finished making a turkey sandwich, the phone rang. It was such a rare thing that she didn't notice it at first. But Sebastian gave a loud meow, swatting at her dress, letting her know that what she heard was the phone. Ms. Huggle reached into her deep pocket in her house dress and opened the cell phone. "Hello?"

"Hi there Molly, I just got your email. What's this all about?" the man's voice said. It was her cousin, Frank Morgan, but he was also her attorney. "Nothing wrong with you, is there old girl?" He seemed jovial and light, but Ms. Huggle heard the worry in his tone. His attempt to make light of the situation, only made it more obvious he was afraid for her.

"For now I'm okay Frank. But that's just it, isn't it? I want to make sure everything is taken care of. I want to make sure nothing needs doing. I don't want to wait for the last moment. Time I have may not be long enough." She said it plainly and with no nonsense. Frank seemed to sense that she was being serious.

"Molly, everything was updated just a few years ago. What changes do you want to make?" he asked.

"I want to make sure that Sebastian is cared for after I go. I don't want him being taken to the pound or such. And I need to add that property I purchased a couple months ago. I want it to be held in trust for the youngest grandchild, Courtney. Just set it up as I did for the others. This will be the last one." Ms. Huggle had sat down with her sandwich and had already gotten a glass of milk while she chatted. But she was beginning to feeling tired and wanted to eat.

"Okay, I'll have everything drawn up and get it sent over. Just sign the papers, I'll take care of it when they get back here. You just take it easy and get some rest." Frank still seemed very worried. Ms. Huggle knew that Frank had always favored her since she'd always given him the attention he'd craved when he was younger. She'd seen to it, that he got into college when he'd wanted to go.

"I will dear, now I must go. I'll talk with you again soon." She hung up and slipped the phone back into her pocket. She disliked feeling so tired after just a simple conversation. Maybe she should go lay back down and take a nap she thought. But Sebastian pawed at her dress and meowed at her. "Okay, don't fret so my dear. I'll eat up and get back to work. I need to do a few more things before I take a nap."

Back at her computer, Ms. Huggle fretted that she'd not had the energy to wash the few things from lunch. But she had to complete the file she was working on and she didn't think that she had energy for both. The file had neatly arranged all of her bank accounts; the name of the bank, passwords, safety deposit box info as well as all the other info that would be needed to enter into her accounts online with the utilities, her emails and her various groups and clubs so that they could be handled after she was gone. She wanted he friends to know that she was gone and hadn't just abandoned them. It also held information as to where her insurance policy was, where different items were kept and the location of any keys needed. Her will was with her lawyer, Frank, but another copy was in both a safety deposit box and in her personal safe.

Long ago she'd organized all her files and labeled everything so it would be easy to find. The mortgage papers, deeds to properties and all the insurance papers, stock certificate notes and such were all inside and labeled. The actual stock certificates, birth certificates and important documents like that were in the safety deposit box at the bank. But duplicates are also in a fire proof safe beside the bookshelf. It also held her jewelry and some rare coins, some sentimental items in a small box and a ring of keys.

For all extents and appearances, Ms. Huggle seemed to be comfortable financially. She lived quietly and modestly. But she actually owned several properties, one for each of her children and grandchildren. Her children had been surprised when they'd been given their properties. Ms. Huggle had deemed the right moment for each of them. They had never guessed that she'd purchased them ages ago, one at a time over the many years and had held them in trust. She'd been doing the same with the grandchildren, though she'd had more time to purchase and set them aside. She'd been a very shrewd investor and had a rather impressive portfolio that was worth a good sum of money. It gave her a dividend to live on monthly and supplied several other funds that she'd set up. None of her children knew the extent of her worth. Which for now, she preferred to keep it so.

Life had been a bit of a rollercoaster ride for her, with lows and highs and a few curves that almost derailed her. But she'd survived it all and these last few years were slowing down. She could feel her own inner clock running down as well. She'd seen so many wondrous things over the many years of her life. Much of it was recorded through her journals that she'd kept faithfully for most of her life. The books, carefully preserved had been put away in an old trunk in the attic. The old books where sealed in a special plastic bag to keep them preserved, safe from water, bugs and air. They'd been scanned and burned to discs a few years back when she'd worried about preserving them. She had continued writing her daily musings on the computer and saved it to a disc every couple of years. But then she started to do it yearly. Currently, her last six months were already burned onto a disc and was safely tucked away inside the safe.

Ms. Huggle had begun to backed up her current journal on her hard drive to a temp disc for the current year almost every week. She'd begun doing it after she got a rewritable CD drive. It wasn't like she didn't think that she'd make it to the end of the year, at least she didn't tell herself that. It was because of all the things that could happen that would wipe away all that she'd written. Either way, she felt more at ease saving more often than not. After a month she transferred the saved files to the one in the safe. Soon it was getting dark and the lights automatically came on. She'd had a timer set up a few years back due to losing track of time. Too often she'd come out of the computer to realize it was rather late. She'd been sitting in the dark for hours without knowing it. So it was best to have the lights turn on and alert her to the late hour.

She closed down things and set it all up to be ready for the next day. Then leaving her mini office she went to tend to nature's needs. It had been some time and she only now noticed that she had to go. Sebastian was waiting for her when she came out. "Now what do you want my little furry friend?" she asked him. He replied with a soft meow and headed into the living room. Ms. Huggle knew he was reminding her to close the curtains, which she proceeded to do. Then she turned on the t.v. and found the weather channel. She listened to the report as she headed into the kitchen to make some dinner. The music between reports was soft and soothing.

"Come on Sebastian, dinner time." she called. She'd chopped up part of her own Salisbury steak and given him some in his bowl with a bit of kibble. The gravy made it look rather yummy. Sebastian gave a pleased purr as he ate it. She ate slowly, more due to thinking. than to planning. It was quiet except for the soft music in the other room. Ms. Huggle thought about her children and grandchildren wistfully. It had been some time since she'd seen any of them. Except for the occasional photo or phone call, she was on the outside, only looking in at their lives. She sighed as she finished up, drinking her milk and relishing the cold fresh taste of it.

She put the dishes into the sink and rinsed them. They sat with the lunch dishes and she felt a bit guilty at leaving them yet again. But she just didn't feel like doing them right now. She rinsed out the teapot and set it up to make a fresh pot. Within a few moments, she poured herself some fresh tea. She carried it out the back door onto the porch, setting it down on the table there. Then she sat down on her padded rocking chair. The night was clear, as the weather channel had said it would be. The stars twinkled above and the breeze was soft and had a cool edge to it. It felt good. Ms. Huggle felt very peaceful as she sipped her tea and just rested as she watched the early evening's flicking of fireflies from her porch.

So much of this she would miss, she mused. So many more things she already did miss. But there was nothing to do about it. She'd complete her plans and then she wouldn't have to worry about leaving behind any problems when her time was up. She didn't want those she left behind to be burdened. They'd be upset enough. The appointment she'd made would be to finalize and confirm all of the arrangements she'd made years ago with the funeral parlor. It was a very nice and respected business and she'd already paid for what needed to be done. It was all written out in her will and in the file that she'd finished last year. Once the appointment was over and she'd updated that file, then it would be done. It had taken her longer than she'd thought it would to do it all. But now that she was almost finished, she felt a bit sad. She didn't want to just go on waiting. She hated waiting. Especially, for the final appointment, which in many ways, it was.

Ms. Huggle wanted to feel alive again. To feel she was still a part of life. But she didn't know how to get back into the flow. Part of her wondered, if there was any time left to even consider doing so. Perhaps this was what being old was all about. She'd seen it happen far too often around her at different periods in her life. So many elderly people just sitting around, waiting for their last moments. Some even seeming to long for it. She'd never understood why they didn't live while they were still alive. But now she began to understand. The weariness, the numbness and the desire to just rest and not have to worry about anything any more. There was an attraction to it when you felt hollow and abandoned. When days tended to blur into one long fuzzy moment, so much so, that you found it difficult to remember clearly, the day or month.

She understood, but that didn't mean that she liked it. Nor was she ready to just give up the ghost, as they used to say. But she was unsure, perhaps after she spoke with her doctor, visited with the two friends she had, out of the few that were still alive, maybe then she would come up with something. Meanwhile, it was time to go to bed, as Sebastian reminded her, by jumping onto her lap and meowing.

Once her nightly routine was done, she lay in bed with Sebastian at her side. He purred and let her pet him slowly. He seemed to be there most nights to make sure she went to sleep. Then he was off to patrol the house and then the backyard to make sure all was safe before returning. She would find him at the foot of her bed in the morning. But tonight he seemed reluctant to leave and settled down at the end of the bed as she drifted off. Her thoughts where on her family and how she wished that she could see them again.

Time waits for no one, it goes on relentlessly, As for Ms Huggle the days pass by in a blur of appointments, visits and work. She found little time for her reflective thoughts, except for in the evenings with Sebastian. But they are only fleeting moments, for she becomes tired more quickly, having been worn out by all her activities. Then finally the weekend arrived with it's promise of some quiet time and rest. Unknown to Ms. Huggle, this weekend had held a surprise, but unfortunately, its arrival would come too late.

For Ms. Huggle, her final days have run down to their last moments. She drifted off dreaming of her family. Before morning, she sees someone special in her dream, it's her older brother Charles, who passed away many years ago. He smiles at her, waiting for her to come join him. With both joy and sadness, she goes to him. Ms. Huggle has kept her last appointment...



"Grandma, grandma are you home?" came several voices calling out later that morning. Then older voices joined them.
"Mom? Hey Mom, where you at?" but the calls go unanswered, in the shaded darkness of the comfortable house. A black tom cat comes slowly into the living room where they have gathered. Their eyes adjusting to the dimness within, someone spots him. "Look! A cat!" "I forgot his name..." They call to him, but he does not come closer. He gives them a sad and mourning meow, his green eyes seem to gleam with tears. Then he turns and walks away out of the room and back down the hall.

One of the men, tall and handsome even though he is past his prime, calls out with concern.
"Mom..." he heads down the hall slowly, in the wake of the cat and enters the room that he knows belongs to his mother. It is lit with soft yellow light filtering through the curtains, as the sun peeks in. His breath catches in his throat, as he sees her lying there on the bed, so peaceful, so still. The others come up from behind, his siblings and the children. So lovely she looks now, the lines made from pain bore without complaint, smoothed away in her final sleep. The light glitters on the silver strands amidst the white, her hair fanned out around her head like a halo. There is no sound within the room for a moment, but then, at door where her brood stands, the soft sounds of sadness begin. The truth before them is sinking in.

There at the end of the bed, the black tom sits watching them. They avoid his accusing gaze as he stares at them.
"Where were you when she was alive?" his eyes seem to ask them. "Why weren't you here when she needed you?"
The mothers take their children away and into the other room. The tall son looks at the cat and whispers.
"I'm sorry." Sebastian walks towards the still form and puts his paw on her hand, then meows softly. There in her hands is a letter, waiting, with the words  'to my children' written on it.

The man takes a deep breath and slowly goes over to the still form, he slips the letter from the still hands as tears fall unnoticed down his cheeks. A younger brother comes over and puts his hand on the older ones shoulder. They look at one another, then in silent agreement, they leave the room with its dark guardian watching over Ms. Huggle.
They go into the living room where the others are gathered again, the oldest opens the letter and begins to read it aloud. But soon he has to give it to another, they take turns reading, as their grief and sadness overflow, stilling their voices. At last the end of the letter is read by the oldest granddaughter who is able to read it slowly, despite her sadness.

The letter tells them goodbye, that she wished only that she could have been there to see them one last time. That all had been taken care of for them. It told where to find all that they needed. There were names and numbers on the desk for them to call, she'd already set up things to be handled, so they didn't have to worry. She told them to call on Frank so that he'd be able to start up the processes. She'd taken care of everything for them. Just as she'd always done for them, while they were growing up.

They all stood in semi-silence once the letter was read. She'd told them she was proud of them and loved them all dearly. She said that she would miss seeing the young ones grow up, but that she was sure that they would have wonderful lives ahead of them. To each of her children she offered kind words, just as she had their whole lives. There in that room they had to face the reality that she was no longer going to be around for them. Worse still, they realized that they'd long ago stopped being there for her. The pain of loss was crushing, as was their guilt.



In the room the black tom sat beside the still form, waiting. Then as if he'd heard a sound, he looked over to the mirror of the dresser. A young woman with long blond hair and bright shinning eyes smiled at him from within it.
"Come Sebastian, you can come home now." But the black cat looked down at the body that was once his best friend.
"Don't tell me you wish to stay?" the woman asked. Sebastian put his paw on the hand that had stroked him since he was young. The hands that washed, fed and loved him in this harsh world he'd been born into. The young woman looked confused, then asked, "Have you forgotten who you are dear Sebastian?"

He made no reply, but slowly the black cat blurred and grew till a young beautiful man with bright green eyes and skin the color of midnight stood beside the bed dressed in a silky black robe. He looked at the women with sadness in his eyes.
"I know who I am, but I can't leave yet." He looked down at Ms. Huggle's body and a tear fell silently down his cheek. "She was a most agreeable woman, she even tended to my care for after her passing. I can't leave just yet, I must see that she is tended to." The woman in the mirror nodded solemnly.

"It is your choice Sebastian, I'm glad that you found such a dear spirit to befriend you. It is your loyalty and caring for her that has made it possible for you to return. It's believed you were judged too harshly." She added softly, "You are no longer exiled to the earthly world." Sebastian just sighed and looked up at her again.

"It was right to send me here, to make me learn so many truths that I took for granted. I didn't understand so many things. But I choose to stay. There is more that I can do here. It means more to me, than returning to what I had before." He looked at her with conviction and a touch of distaste, as he said his last words. Then with a blurring of movement he shrunk back down to his cat form.

The woman in the mirror had not missed his meaning.
"So shall it be, Sebastian. I wish you well in your journey. Your full powers are now reinstated. Use them wisely with the knowledge you've gained." She faded from the mirror. Sebastian curled up against his dearest friend, Ms. Huggle and cried unlike any earthy cat could. For he was before and is now, so very much more.