The Heavens

It's difficult to make up one's mind in buying a Heaven.

I’m trying to decide which Heaven to go to. I have all the brochures here spread out in front of me. They are all colorful and full of information, mainly praising themselves. It’s a crucial decision to make, because which ever one I choose, I’ll be stuck with it for eternity. There are many that appeal to me in various ways, here are some of them.

First, there are the Corporate Heavens. I kind of like them. They’re well organized and slick, of course, but maybe a little too slick for my taste. They would probably be nice places to spend eternity, the only objection I have is they might become boring, having to use the same products and services over and over again.

Then there are the sexual Heavens. Surprisingly, these heavens are not as popular as one might think. I suppose that kind of activity would become repetitive, too, after a few hundreds of years. I’m not sure, though. I’ll have to think more about that.

There is also the niche Heavens, Heavens for those who have special interests. I don’t really have any special or exclusive interest, so I’ll skip these.

The religious Heavens are not very popular, either. Being that the Gods worshiped in these Heavens are of course artificial. I suppose they would appeal to the religious fundamentalists anyway, because in my experience these kinds of people are mainly fascinated by fundamentalism itself, and most likely wouldn’t care much which God they follow, and wouldn’t be bothered too much that the Gods in these Heavens are phony constructions.

A few billionaires have created their own exclusive Heavens, but with little popular interest. A Heaven with only one billionaire in it for company doesn’t sound very interesting to me.

 

The National Geographic Corporation has had success with its various Nature Heavens. Some of these sort of appeal to me. To exist in some vast natural environment forever sounds interesting. I’m keeping these in mind.

The History Corporation Heavens have proved to be very popular. The problem I have with these is that most of our history is full of wars, battles, deprivation, plagues, starvation…well…just hard living. Of course, one could be King or a member of some Royal family, but I would think everyone who buys these kinds of Heavens would want to be a King or a Prince or a Queen or something. I mean, how many Kings and Queens can one Kingdom handle? I think this could get confusing.

There are also various Science Fiction and Fantasy Heavens available. Now these interest me somewhat. Being Captain of a Star Ship would be fun. Thing is, I’m not sure how many adventures would be in the system. Surely at some point I’d be meeting the same space aliens over and over again. Eternity is a long time, and I would think there are only so many scary alien planets available, even in such a large universe as ours.

A little about our Heavens: Since the first Heaven was constructed there has been controversy about the ethics of Heavens, they being artificial and not “the real thing”. However, as no one has died and come back to tell us about “the real thing”, this argument has become a moot point for most.

What if there is no “the real thing”? This is the major selling point for all these Heavens, of course. The multitude of tv commercials, billboards, internet ads, spam e-mails, etc. that we are bombarded with every day all push this question. I myself am in doubt about an actual, real Heaven existing after death. This is why I’m looking at all these brochures.

 

Now, the better Heavens are not cheap, naturally. Most of us save all our lives to purchase as good a Heaven as we can afford. Many of us buy insurance that covers this expense in case we get hit by a bus or something before our time.

Suicides, however, are not covered by these policies, nor do the Heaven providers accept those who commit suicide. This rule was not enacted for any ethical reasons, this rule was put in place because of the fear that most of the population would opt for this release from the drudgery of every day life at some point in their dismal lives, therefore depleting the workforce and greatly decreasing the number of profitable consumers.

Well, with all these varieties of Heavens available it is difficult to make up one’s mind. While I will not be able to afford the very best Heaven, I have saved enough to avoid the cheap rudimentary ones. When my time comes I will spend eternity in a comfortable middle-class Heaven of my choice.

This is a reassuring thought for me, as I am entering my later years now, and it is some comfort to look forward to. Occasionally the thought does enter my mind that perhaps I am making a mistake in this. There are those who steadfastly refuse to participate in these Corporate Heavens, believing there is a natural and real Heavenly reward awaiting them after death.

These are not all religious zealots, but mostly plain folk who have a simple faith in the hereafter as ordained by God. I sometime envy their trust and conviction. I myself have not enough courage for this kind of spiritual confidence.

I believe I have led a decent life, raised a loving family and have done some good for my fellow man. In this sense I would not be afraid to face a final judgment before God. What I lack is certainty of this Reality. This alone, I think, would disqualify me for entrance in a real Heaven. I believe God would punish me for such reservation and doubt in His Divine Plan.

 

For this reason, and this reason only, I study these catalogs of Heavens in hope of choosing one that may simulate in some small way the perfection of spiritual bliss and ecstasy in His Presence that I will never now experience, having chosen a Corporate Heaven instead of keeping faith in the possibility of the Real one.

I hope God will forgive me if I have made a momentous error.

Reviews

[michelle]

Too clever! Great write. !

[Starmountainkid]

Thank you.