The Apple I Offer

I know that I'm nothing compared to these girls
With their skin and their lips and their shadowy curls,
And I hardly seem to know how anything works,
And I worry that someday my body will burst
Into something so ugly, so vapid and vile
But lacking a reason, it's only denial
Built upon structures I don't understand
Yet I know what I'm not, and I know what I am.

I'm silly, I'm stupid, I'm socially stunted,
I'll never match up to the girl you wanted,
And sometimes I feel that I've somehow been shunted
In the role of a lifetime, a part I can't play,
A truth that I distance, a word I can't say,
And I pretend to be things besides me for a day,
But I always swing round to the start,
Still ironing out my metallic heart.

I'm bad at expressing,
Even worse at explaining,
But I'll try my best to pour the glass
So maybe you'll see what I'm trying to ask
When the liquid goes rushing across floorboards of ice,
Freezing in place with intent to entice. 

I wish you'd weave words for me the way you do others,
I wish I were valued a little more than another,
I wish what I said made you want to learn further,
And the sight of my eyes made your heartbeat murmur.
But no matter how often you show I'm adored,
Much of the time I still feel ignored,
Like a tagalong child getting candies and sweets
While the women around you are what bring out that beat.

I'm away two days and your thoughts drift astray?
On the verge of our union, you brush me away?
After all we've been through,
Would you rather be without me?
After all we've been through,
How could you doubt me?

I could be with a billion other boys instead,
I can think of a few that would jump if I said,
But I stay at your side because you're the only one worth it,
And it hurts me so much when you say that you're worthless,
Makes me so sad that I ought to implode,
Just curl in a knot and never be known.
But there’s always a sliver
Of starlight, you see, and

You make me quiver

With rage and pain and lust and greed,
Love and joy and hope and need,
The single source on which I feed,
The only word that's worth the read,
And I'd like to fight the strife with you,
I'd like to spend my life with you,
And whether you want me is up to you,
But I really, I truly, I hope that you do.

It's the apple I offer,
It's all that I have,
And the fruit of my labors
Is yet to be had,
But I think you'll be happy
In a future to come,
And if nothing else happens,
That's all that I want.