Chapter 1

For Beatrice, now you are gone, my heart won’t go on.


Dear Publisher,

I am very displeased that you have decided to not to tell everyone about the Baudelaire orphans time in Bakerville. I do however understand that this period of their lives was extremely traumatizing and I respect your plan not to publish it. However, if you change your mind about it I have left my copy of the book that I have titled ‘The Barbaric Bakery’, in the lion enclosure at the westville zoo. I have been informed by the lion handlers that the lions thoroughly enjoyed it and even after reading it two or three times they have promised not to destroy the book. I hope you reconsider, I will alter the end of The Reptile Room and the beginning of The Wide Window so it seems there is no gap in the story.

Yours Sincerely,

Lemony Snicket.


Throughout your life you will have come across the term, ‘never judge a book by its cover’. Although this saying dates back many years and many successful and clever people have sworn by this phrase it is of course, completely false. A book that has a dark cover and a picture of a particularly scary clown will more than likely not be a children’s book. If the front of a book contains a large smiling elf with a wand in his hand, will more than likely not end with the battle plans of Napoleon. I would guess that this book will have the face of Count Olaf looking particularly menacing and the three Baudelaire orphans looking frightened. You would be able to tell from this that this book would not contain a happy ending and very few happy bits throughout it and if you have read anything about the Baudelaire orphans before you will know this to be true.

The three Baudelaire children had already been through enough horrible experiences for a life time. First off was the fire that engulfed their home and their darling parents. Then Mr Poe had sent them to live with Count Olaf who had tried to marry Violet to get his hands on the Baudelaire fortune. Then they had moved in with their loving uncle Monty. They had become close and they had hoped that they would stay there forever. Count Olaf then killed their dearest Uncle Monty and then escaped without being caught. The three children now fount themselves in a familiar place. In the back of Mr Poes car.

“Children I understand how horrible you all must be feeling right now but I have no doubt”, Mr Poe was saying but had to pause as he coughed uncontrollably into his handkerchief.
“But I have no doubt that you’re going to enjoy it here with your Aunt Peru”, the three children had never heard any mention of an Aunt Peru.
“What do you know about Aunt Peru?”, Violet asked, having to raise her voice over the sound of Mr Poe’s sneezing.
“No, I was far to busy organising your estates children”, Mr Poe said, Klaus had always wondered why Mr Poe, (who was given time off work when the children were relocated) had become so busy with work. Klaus didn’t saying anything though as he thought it rude.
“Ep”, said Sunny, which meant “It’s lovely here, it’s very sunny and warm and has a lovely smell in the air”. As soon as sunny had said that, Violet and Klaus took a deep breath in. They could smell a lovely aroma filling the card.
“It smells lovely around here”, Violet said in a cheery tone, a word which here means happy for the moment before the inevitable doom.
“Oh yes Bakerville is word famous for its fresh bread smell that wafts through the town. Although I can’t smell it at all”, Mr Poe said, coughing into his handkerchief. Klaus took a large inhale in just as his sister had and seemed to enjoy the scent just as much as his sisters. Then Mr Poe turned off the main road they had been driving on and the three children became very quiet.
“We are children”, he said pulling up to the curb as he spoke. Through the front mirror all the children could see was a large bakery that looked more like a factory than a bakery.
“We are not going to live in there are we?!”, said Violet in an excited tone. The idea of being around coils and machinery only filled her brain with ideas. She almost began to tie up her hair as she does when she is thinking of an idea but was stopped in her tracks by Mr Poe.
“No, no. A large bakery like that is no place for children”, said Mr Poe not knowing how truthful he was being in that very second. There was a little part of me that wishes I could go back in time and tell the Baudelaire children to get back in there car and go anywhere else. I have collected my information of these events from many people who lived in Bakerville at the time and they all said the same thing, “The Baudelaire children would have been better off if they haven’t come here”. But I am not here to write a happy ending for the Baudelaire children, I am here to talk about the events exactly how they happened. What the children did next was look at Mr Poe,
“Now children you are going to be living with your Aunt Peru, she is a writer wont that be fun for you Klaus”, Klaus nodded in agreement, if she was a writer she would undoubtedly have a large library that he could read from.
“What number does she live at?”, Violet asked, her eyes scanning the houses that was around here.
“Just here”, said Mr Poe as he knocked on the door of number four Baker Street. The door opened almost a second after there was a knock, a women opened the door in a bright green jumper and large excitable hair, a word that here means uncombed.
“Oh children it is such a pleasure to have you here, I cannot believe the horrible times you have gone through. I wished horribly that you had come to me first and not had to live with that blasted Count that Mr Poe has told me all about”, she said all this without pausing for breath, her hands seemed to speak almost as much as her mouth did.
“Oh where are my manners I am Peru Dinah”, she said offering her hands to Mr Poe, he shook it not knowing what to do.
“But you children can call me Aunt Peru if you like”, she said to the three children, offering her hand to Violet first.
“How do you do”, said Violet, asking out of friendliness more than as a real question as it was clear that Peru was very happy.
“Oh lovely you are well mannered”, Aunt Peru said, smiling warmly at Violet as she spoke. She then offered her hand to Sunny,
“Mo”, said Sunny which meant, “Do you have a carrot or a particularly hard rock I can bite on?”.
“Ahh how do you do as well”, Said Aunt Peru, misunderstanding what Sunny had said.
“And you Klaus, I have heard all about you and your interest in books. You seem to consume them whole if I what I am told is correct”, Said Aunt Peru who seemed giddy with excitement that Klaus was moving in. A word which here means, looking as if she was going to explode with excitement.
“Please come in, come in. You have not met Vanessa yet”, said Aunt Peru, quickly turning her back on the children and shooting into the house.
The children followed in sheepishly not knowing what Vanessa was. The three children who were now in the house saw a cat sat on an arm chair,
“Oh this must be Vanessa”, Klaus said, stroking the cat as he stood next to the chair.
“No”, said a voice, the three children turned to where the voice had come from. Standing there was a young girl, with her tied up in a bun.
“I’m Vanessa, how do you do”?.

Reviews

[Willard Wells]

I'm not a brainiac so I tend to not correct grammar and punctuation, but I saw the two below that I thought may need revision. Just my opinion. Great writing even with it not being my kind of read. But for the type of story it sounds perfect and very interesting. Thanks for sharing and I did finally get back to you.

"she is a writer wont that be fun for you Klaus" to "she is a writer, won't that be fun for you and Klaus"


"You seem to consume them whole if I what I am told is correct” to "You seem to consume them whole, if what I am told is correct"