The Musician

The king lost it’s crown when the people played dead

 

 

 

He led all the children off the edge into the ocean

Like the vermin he cast his magic spell tricked the people with the poison.

He played his pipe like a liar

Spread his sound like wild fire

No words needed to conspire

Children taken by his power

And where were all the parents when their children had been taken

…forsaken?

Reviews

[luviva]

wow,
i liked the experession of this idea as a muscian.
the king leading them to edge and into the ocea... great message embedded in there.
leaders tend to take the people they lead to be play/musical instruments.
loved the idea!!
continue insipiring ma friend

[Starfruitanimal]

thank you much :)

[MrKnowAll]

Sadly this is very true. Rhetorical speaking, can be seen a song , making all slaves, poisoned, tricked to his spells. and all connects very well. reminds me of all dictators of history running the theme , making the kids follow them blindly .

and I think a question mark should be added in the end since you ask us a question.

I am really liking your writing style, keep on :)

[Starfruitanimal]

question mark, yes i think i'll add that. thanks I'm gonna do that right now haha

[MrKnowAll]

Now it's perfect :)

[Sacha Davison]

This was great. A very interesting concept. It could use some added punctuation to make it flow smoother, but otherwise it's quite good! Also "it's" in the first line should be changed to possessive. Keep it up! :)

[Starfruitanimal]

I'll keep that in mind thanks! (about the punctuation
)

[.]

I think of the cloven hooved kind of character tooting pan pipes..
Some say he runs this show.

Where were all the parents, you ask?
They too were mesmerized, I believe.

[Starfruitanimal]

are you thinking of the devil? in some sorts it is, thank you...

[Inda]

really nice.

[Starfruitanimal]

thanks !

[Sir Jaykom]

"He played his pipe like a liar
Spread his sound like wild fire
No words needed to conspire
Children taken by his power"... nicely written.. short but a good read.

[Starfruitanimal]

thankyou :)

[SparrowSong]

A Pied Piper of sorts, to be led without will to break free, how sad. Quite a story for so few words, it definitely leaves the reader with a feeling of sadness and makes me wonder, how fitting it is when I look around at the world today. Well done.

[Starfruitanimal]

I'm glad you enjoyed it. it is partly a true aspect of society, I'm glad I managed to get the emotion across. Thank you :)

[Damien Davison]

Amazing, simply amazing. Wow, such a good message here, that I've rapped about before actually at the end of 'Burning'. I'm glad there are others that realize how much of an influence it has on our society. Thanks for sharing!

[Starfruitanimal]

thank you so much :) i love to write about the darker side of society. no problem !