Ache

I love the word ‘ache’. something about that word, so short and simple and bittersweet. it makes me think of lonliness, of desire, of something harsh but tender, a need throbbing beneath my skin that won’t let me rest until satisfied. it makes me think of love. the kind that leaves you always wanting, reaching, searching, with fingers grasping at empty air. of trying to swallow someone whole. of trying to make yourself small enough that they could swallow you too. it makes me think of unshed tears in a crowded room, of feeling alone even as i squirm under the gaze of a thousand staring eyes
ache is that hole in your chest when you realize that your friends are so much better off without you. ache is feeling in my teeth as i bite my tongue to keep from crying because you cant stand to see the pity in their eyes. its the hunger gnawing at your stomach, the jealousy you feel when you’re happy that your friend has found love, and you wonder if you’ll ever let yourself know that kind of happiness.
ache is a four letter word that feels like want and tastes like blood its the only thing left that keeps you from becoming a bitter, empty shell.