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I had a dream about a girl once

She held Death (or was it death?) in her hands and she whispered

“Please stay.”

And then she gave it a kiss and the wind carried her off

Then there was a ripple and it all began to fade

Something about a mirror…

No. Water?

There’s something there but the meaning escapes me.

There’s a reflection but it’s distorted

And the image is fleeting

No, fleeing

Fingers reach but in slow motion

Always too slow

What does it mean when even my thoughts don’t love me enough to stay

I try to blink dust from my eyes but maybe they’re tears

I still can’t see and everything is moving so fast

There’s no pain but an absence

Biting, gaping, empty.

It isn’t worse than pain

(But maybe it’s the same)

Hollow hearts beat against hallowed mouths

But if no one can hear it does it make a sound?

What do you call a dream when it becomes a memory

It sits on the surface like oil on water

Blurry and separate and yet still it tries to mix

To integrate itself into all that I thought was real

I can’t even tell the difference anymore

All I know is that one Is and that one Is Not.

It’s hard to admit, but I don’t feel real

Or maybe it’s too easy and that’s where I struggle

I start to feel lost and so I open my mouth to call out my name

And all of my fears come pouring out instead

Eyes stare in abject horror as it all hits the floor

And I’m scrambling to pick it all up and put it all back

But it just keeps slipping through my fingers.

(I had a dream about a girl once

She might have been me but I don’t remember

I just remember that feeling, that whisper

“Please stay.”)