Illegal Use of Top-Secret Technology

This is joint-written.

Glide stayed near the back of the group, following Eve toward the central control room for the scanner. His gaze flitted about, his paws twitching a little; he appeared somewhat nervous without Icarcti around.

A guard charged the group from a side hall, gun ready. "Freeze, fuckers!"

Glide jumped, unable to stop himself before he hammered the guard with a stiff right hook, sending him stumbling backwards.

The guard shook off the hit, though his gun had been sent skittering across the floor and down the hall. "Ow! F****t, that really hurt!"

Glide snarled, stepping forward and hooking an arm around the guard's neck.

Icarcti returned to the group just as Glide broke the guard's neck. "... That's your free kill for this year."

"Aw, man..." Glide muttered, dropping the guard.

"No arguments." Icarcti said.

Glide sighed, getting back to the group. He offered his paw to Icarcti.

Icarcti took Glide's paw, smiling slightly.

"... Glide, are you done now?" Niqi asked. "Can we get to the damn control room without any other casualties?"

Glide rolled his eyes. "You're lucky that was my free kill, you walkin' sperm bank."

 

...

 

Eve nodded at the double doors in front of them. "This is it," she whispered.

Niqi glanced at the gigantic "CONTROL ROOM" emblazoned across the doorway. "No, really?"

"There will be more people here. Not guards, but we can't have them conscious for long or they'll call all the guards," Eve went on, oblivious to Niqi's sarcasm.

"Well, let's give 'em a headache, shall we?" Glide grinned.

Micah laughed. "I wouldn't normally agree with him, but that was a great suggestion. I'm gonna bang somebody's head against a console."

Panic entered Eve's eyes at Micah's words. "Don't do that! Don't hit any of the controls in any way! There's too much power in the scanner to take any chances," she stressed.

"Duly noted," Niqi replied. "But in other news, I believe you just alerted them to our presence." She burst through the door, knocking out someone who was standing just on the other side in the process.

Glide charged in, Icarcti close behind him.

Micah sighed. "I never get to have any fun..."

Glide growled, grabbing a scientist by the arm and slinging him into a wall, knocking him out.

Icarcti followed suit, tossing a scientist into the one that Glide had just thrown.

"Here, have this one!" Niqi shouted, grabbing a scientist by the lab coat and hauling him in Micah's general direction.

Ambree took out one with a spinning kick, and another with a right hook.

Micah grinned, dispatching the scientist with a headbutt. "Thanks, sugar."

Glide blinked as a scientist hit him with a clipboard, retaliating with a heel kick to the side of the scientist's head. "Eat foot, assmonkey!"

Niqi saw one of the last standing scientists grabbing desperately for his comm. She flew over, grabbing his throat with one hand and lifting him. She slammed his head into the wall once, and then let him drop, taking his comm. She crushed it into dust.

Ambree delivered a kick to the last scientist, her head snapping backward before she fell awkwardly over a chair and into a crumpled heap.

Niqi glanced around. "All yours, Eve."

"Hurry it up." Glide said. "The stupid guards might've heard all the scientists getting knocked out."

 Eve nodded. "On it." She walked around to one of the panels, moving the scientist who had been attending it out of the way with her foot. She tapped on the keys; a red warning popped up on the screen. She sighed, exasperated, and then grabbed the person she had moved, hauling her into a chair. Once the scientist was upright, Eve took her hands and used them to operate the screen. The warning disappeared, revealing complex streams of data.

Niqi grinned. "DNA sensitive?"

"These friggin'...asses...had to make it harder than it already was," Eve muttered. She frowned. "What the hell does that mean?"

Glide grinned. "Hey, dude, I got an idea."

Eve glanced up. "What?"

"Wake one of 'em up." Glide suggested. "Threaten to kill 'em if they don't translate."

Eve shook her head. "I'm pretty sure..." She took the clipboard at her feet, rifling through the pages. She used the unconscious scientist's finger to press one more button. "No..."

"For f**k's sake!" Niqi yelled. She grabbed the scientist in the chair and shook her. "Hey..." she glanced down at the name sewn onto the coat, "Miriam, wake up." She slapped her paw lightly across the scientist's face a few times; Miriam's eyes began to blink open. "Miriam!" Niqi shouted, finally causing the woman to wake up fully. Her eyes went wide and she cringed backward in her chair. "How do you operate this thing?" Niqi demanded, pointing to the console Eve was at.

Miriam laughed nervously. "You broke into the place, and you can't even use the equipment?"

Niqi snarled. "I hope you realize this is a life-or-death situation." She glanced over at Eve. "Eve? Poodlesword?"

Eve glanced at the sword to her left. "Oh, um." She picked it up tentatively, and pointed it at Miriam. "Er, surrender your secrets or face the wrath of Poodlesword."

Niqi couldn't help bursting into hysterical laughter.

"Any day now, Mim." Glide muttered. "Tell us what we wanna know and we'll knock you out again."

Miriam glanced anxiously at the warriors surrounding her. "W-what are you using it for?"

"We're seeking demons." Micah responded. "We need to use this stupid thing to find the areas where they're going to come through onto this plane."

"So we can hurt them." Glide added. "Severely."

Miriam blinked. "...Demons?"

Niqi lost control of her face. "Yes, demons!" she growled, feral and vampiric. "Show us how to use this damn thing!"

"A-alright!" Miriam stammered, hastily putting her shaking fingers to the data stream. "Um, well, this one designates scope," she said, tenatively glancing at Niqi. "And-"

"Address me," Eve interrupted.

Miriam nodded. "O-okay, and it can be changed by moving this way-"

"For increase, that way for decrease." Eve grinned. "Ah, I see. Ah! And, different things to detect, in this bank. You've got a lot stored. But no hellfire, I see."

"No, ma'am, we don't tend to have samples of that," Miriam responded.

"Deep scan, light scan," Eve murmured, already piecing together the rest of the controls. "Alright. Where do you enter new samples?"

"Those compartments, over there," Miriam said, indicating a row of what appeared to be large metal cabinets. "Find an empty one to put a sample into. Mixed samples will corrupt the data and they might react unexpectedly."

"You mean explode," Eve corrected, grinning. "We'll be careful."

Glide approached the metal cabinets, opening an empty one. He unsheathed his sword, rubbed a paw along the blade, then allowed some of the demon blood on his paw to drip into the compartment. "There. I just hope that'll be enough, the rest of it is already dry."

The screen blipped, a box appearing for a new substance. Hell, Eve typed in as the name, then entered it. The machines took a moment to process the information. "Seems to have been. Okay, now...is this the maximum scope?" Eve asked Miriam.

Miriam nodded. "That's...going to take a lot of power."

"The point is to protect the omniverse, princess," Niqi responded. "It'll be worth it."

Eve sighed. "It's not enough. We've got most of the known, heavily populated parts of the omniverse, but we're missing some of the outer regions and a couple of major planets that happen to be far from here. But, it's the best we can do."

"Start scanning, then. We'll hit those far areas through the Nexus if we don't find anything." Glide said.

Eve nodded. "Alright. Light scan, because we don't have years to sit around waiting for it to scan every blade of grass. Searching for Hell, and...there. Scanning." She smiled, then glanced at Miriam. "How long?"

"I, uh, I don't know. Maybe twenty minutes?"

Niqi sighed in exasperation.

"You're trying to scan everything!" Miriam countered. "That's not exactly-"

Another box popped up, with a loud sound. "SUBSTANCE DETECTED," it read, with details and a map underneath. Eve studied it for a moment. "S**t! Huge reading, right here! They've found us!" She looked around in a panic.

"Does it say exactly where it is?" Micah asked, drawing his cleaver.

"Light scan, general area!" Eve replied. She grabbed Poodlesword, weilding it straight out in front of her, and continued looking for signs of demons. "Could be anywhere in the building!"

"Run a full scan, just this building." Micah instructed, moving to stand near the door. "I'll keep watch until it's finished."

Eve didn't relinquish her sword, holding it with her left hand while she worked with her right to open a side scan. The program didn't want to let her, and then she remembered the DNA. "Must have picked up traces from your skin," she mused, directing her words at Miriam. She glanced at the scientist. "Say aah."

Miriam looked at Eve like she was crazy. "Aah?"

Eve stuck her fingers in the scientist's mouth. Miriam recoiled, but she got enough spit to make the screen work. "Thanks."

Glide laughed. "That's f****n' disgusting..."

Eve grinned. "What's really disgusting is the inside of-"

"Okay, new topic!" Niqi interjected. "You disgusted me one too many times in college, no more."

Eve laughed. "Side scan's up. Deep as I could make it." She remembered her anxiety and returned to holding Poodlesword with both hands. She waited while the numbers crunched; a minute later, a box appeared. She skimmed the text, and then looked at the map, which was...Glide shaped. "Glide!" she exclaimed, startled. "What the hell?"

"What?" Glide asked.

Micah turned, pressing his cleaver against Glide's throat. "He's one of them!"

"... Dude. I will end you if you don't move that f*****g weapon." Glide growled.

Eve pointed Poodlesword at Glide. "You've been decieving us for all this time, then!" she yelped. And then she remembered Glide had designed Poodlesword; she dropped it to the ground as the realization dawned on her and kicked it away as if it were infected.

"Guys!" Niqi said, facepalming. "Be f*****g reasonable. It's Glide. You know, the guy who is undead."

"I figured you guys knew." Glide said. "Jason."

"Jason? The one you murdered more brutally than anyone else?" Ambree asked, unsure how that connected to Glide exuding the power of Hell.

Niqi seemed to understand a small bit. "We never did tell you, specifically, what happened to his soul, did we? He's inside of Glide's head, eternally."

Glide nodded. He looked around at the rest of the group, crossing his arms. "Okay, show of hands. Is anyone here honestly surprised that Jason's soul is demonic?"

Eve edged closer to where she had been before, having backed away from Glide unconsciously. She glanced at the screen. "According to this, extremely demonic."

"He was a dickhead." Glide stated, waving a paw. "Scan again, so we can get the f**k out of here."

"Main scan is still running," Eve replied, closing out of the side scan. "Looks like it's almost done."

Niqi leaned against the wall, then leaned off of it and began drumming her fingers on a desk. She sighed. "You would think immortality would grant patience."

 "Sucks to be you." Glide grinned. "I've got somethin' to keep my mind occupied."

Icarcti blushed, though he said nothing.

Niqi looked at them, half-grinning and half-confused. "What are you, mind-screwing each other?"

"He's thinking about me..." Icarcti murmured.

Niqi rolled her eyes. "Does he ever not think of you?"

Icarcti shrugged. "Probably not."

There was a pause.

"...Why did you brutally murder this Jason?" Eve asked Glide.

Niqi groaned. "Worst question to ask."

"Because he ruined my life." Glide answered. "It's his fault I'm the way I am."

"What did he do?" Eve asked.

Niqi sat down in a chair nearby, staring with concentration into space like she was preparing to endure something unpleasant.

"He raped me and left me for dead." Glide said. "When I was fourteen goddamn years old. And as if that wasn't enough, he sent his f*****g toadies to kill me in my sleep."

Eve blinked, shocked. "Oh, I'm...sorry."

"So y'know what I did?" Glide asked, a sadistic grin appearing on his face. "I took Iccy over there and we took out all of his toadies. Then I skinned that cocksucker alive, doused him in vinegar, ripped his tongue out, lit his c**k on fire, cut him open, roasted his organs, and bled him out!"

Eve couldn't reply; her mouth was open in transparent horror.

Ambree stared at the back of a computer, appearing bored but uncomfortable.

Niqi continued to concentrate on the nothing in front of her.

"And now, whenever I get bored, I torture his immortal soul." Glide said. "And that's basically it."

Silence reigned again for a moment.

Then, the scan finished, the sound to indicate the event sounding even louder compared to the quiet. Eve jumped, and then whirled to look at it. She fell quickly back into her element, and then appeared puzzled. "It picked up one major reading, but...it's listed as 'unidentified.' And the map looks like...space. Empty space."

Niqi walked closer. "Can you pan out, get a feel for where we're at?"

Eve nodded, zooming the map out until a few more planets appeared on the screen. "No clue where this is. Anyone recognize anything?"

"Is that High Arcadia?" Glide asked, pointing to the closest planet.

Eve increased the font size of the planet's name until it was readable. "Apparently."

"... It's Blackblood." Glide said after a moment. "The reading is coming from Blackblood."