Diagnosis

This is joint-written.

Niqi and Ambree managed to get Ambree’s memory up to the point where they had slaughtered the demons of the Southern Cross; Ambree went to bed satisfied.

While Ambree was asleep, Niqi walked out onto the balcony of their hotel room. She took in the surroundings briefly. The city below her appeared peaceful, and for once it had stopped raining, although there was still a thick cover of clouds in the sky.

Niqi took out her cell phone and dialed Glide’s number. She began pacing the short expanse of the balcony while waiting for him to pick up.

Glide picked up after a few rings, sounding rather annoyed. "Who the f**k is it, what the f**k do you want, and why should I give a f**k?"

Niqi rolled her eyes. “Hello to you too, Glide."

Glide groaned. "Yours is the last voice I wanted to hear right now..."

“Shut up and listen. It’s about Ambree. I’m not so sure it was amnesia from hitting her head anymore,” Niqi said in response.

"Did you just f****n' tell me to shut up?" Glide growled. "Remember who you're talkin' to. I can shock your b***h a*s through a phone line, y'know. Gimme your little theory."

“Who shoved the crowbar up your a*s this morning?” Niqi asked, annoyed. “I actually called to ask for theories. I have nothing. Her memory is behaving like nothing I’ve ever seen before. She needs a little mental stimulation, but once I give her something, she remembers full days. But that’s it; just single days at a time, from when she wakes up to when she goes to sleep. I did some research online, and found nothing like that mentioned anywhere. What could it be?”

Glide went silent for a long moment. "... You interrupted me for that?" He finally asked. "I'm now convinced; you are, indeed, a f*****g moron. If she didn't hit her head or something, she was probably tainted by the Hell dimension's power."

“Fine, then, forget it,” Niqi snapped, and then hung up on Glide. She somehow managed not to break the phone with the force of pressing the ‘end call’ button.

Intending to walk off the anger and frustration, Niqi hopped over the side-edge of the balcony and let herself fall, grabbing onto other balconies and windows on her way down to the ground. She began stalking down the street.

After a few moments, Niqi's phone chimed to let her know that something had been sent to her.

Niqi growled, opening her phone to see what it was.

What greeted her was a picture of Glide, a little blue bat across his lap.

Niqi smirked, redialing Glide. When she heard him pick up, she didn’t bother giving him a chance to speak. “So that’s what you were so pissed off about. Sorry to call you while you were…occupied.” She grinned.

Glide chuckled. "Nice choice of words there. Hang on a second..." There was a pause, followed by the sound a slap landing and a squeak.

Niqi rolled her eyes. “Should I just call back when you two are done?”

"Nah, I don't think he'll mind waiting for a bit." Glide replied. "You're lucky, though; if I felt like being a douchebag, I'd give him the phone and just continue."

“Like you don’t always feel like being a douchebag,” Niqi commented.

"What, you want me to do it or somethin'?" Glide asked.

“Uh, no, no thanks,” Niqi replied, wrinkling her nose. “Back to where we were…you think the Hell dimension’s power somehow…shattered her memory?”

"It's been known to happen." Glide said. "You usually don't hear about it because, well... if they don't remember what happened, how the f**k are they gonna tell people?"

Niqi thought for a moment. “Sounds reasonable, I suppose. I guess knowing didn’t really help much. It’s still going to take an assload of time to get her up to speed.” She made a short, quiet groaning sound. “You’re lucky I’m going to live forever and don’t have anything urgent to attend to. Like, you know, little blue bat boys.” She snickered.

Glide scoffed. "Joke all you want, but if you had a dick, I guarantee you'd try to get a piece of Iccy."

“Hells yes.” Niqi grinned. “And then you’d totally come and murder me.”

"Murder, nothin'." Glide muttered. "I'd f****n' vivisect you for even lookin' at him."

"Overprotective much?" Icarcti asked, giggling.

"... That's it, I'm takin' the phone off of speaker." Glide said after a moment.

“Why do you put up with Badty, then?” Niqi asked. “Because he was there first?”

"Because he's f****n' awesome, too." Glide replied. "Plus, he's almost as fun as Iccy is."

“You and your messed up love shapes. What’ve you got now? Triangle? Square? Octagon?” Niqi snickered.

Glide heaved an exasperated sigh. "Funny, real funny. Listen, when you got time, get the f**k over here. I've got somethin' to give you... and I need to tie your tail in a knot."

“Yeah. Sure. Just as soon as Ambree catches all four thousand of the days up. This is going to be such a hindrance,” she grumbled. “I’m going for over a hundred days tomorrow. The girl is probably going to hate me, but I’d like to have a life of the non-literal kind within the next couple of years, and she’s mortal, so she’s in an even more desperate situation.”

"Good luck with that." Glide laughed. "By the way, did Keris try to contact either of you yet?"

“Uh, no.” Niqi’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Why?”

"He invited us to some kind of... tournament, or something." Glide said. "I think he got a few of the gods to agree, too. I'm sure at least Shetani and Revan will be there."

“Odd,” Niqi replied. “I’ll contact you if he invites me too.” She stopped walking and turned around, headed back for the hotel. “In other news, I need at least some sleep tonight. So…have fun with Icarcti.” She smiled.

"Oh, I will." Glide purred. "I will." There was another slap and squeak, followed by the line disconnecting.

Niqi rolled her eyes and put the phone in her pocket, kicking her pace up to inhuman speed all the way back to the hotel.

 

...

 

“That’s it. Stop writing so goddamn much!” Niqi snapped.

Ambree looked up in shock. “What’s wrong?”

“Your perspective is wrong. I don’t think you understand the enormity of ten whole years. If you keep writing like this, it’s going to take another ten years just for you to get it all down,” Niqi explained, her tone still angry.

“What do you want me to do?” Ambree asked, growing annoyed.

“Use shorthand. Write down simple ideas that you can expand upon later. Write like a goddamn caveman if you have to. Just get the gist of the day and move on. We don’t have forever to get you caught up,” Niqi replied.

Ambree shot Niqi a look, but did as she was told.