The Easy Fight

This is joint-written. Physical fights are the most disappointing kind when your enemy is as fragile as death.

 

“Rise and shine, boys and girls!” Glide barked, waking everyone at sunrise. “It’s time to go rip Kalma’s head off.”

Niqi got up, walking over to Glide. “For once, I’m not the last one up,” she said mostly to herself, and then addressed Glide. “How do you suggest we find him?”

“We follow the smell of death.” Glide replied. “We’ll find him where it’s strongest.”

Niqi inhaled deeply. “Oh, yuck!” she exclaimed, her nose wrinkling. “That’s definitely not a pleasant advantage on a planet like this. That way,” she said, indicating a direction with her finger.

Glide snickered quietly, heading in the direction Niqi indicated, Raven’s Nest in tow.

Felix smiled, walking beside Glide. “It’s almost over, isn’t it? We’re going to finish this guy, and then we can finally get out of here.”

“Yeah.” Glide nodded, wrapping an arm around Felix’s shoulders.

“We’re definitely going on a real vacation,” Niqi commented, already daydreaming of islands. “What was that planet you mentioned before, with the pirates?”

“Saikoro.” Glide replied, grinning. “It’s beautiful.”

“I’d like to see it.” Felix said, nuzzling against Glide’s chest. “I’ve never been.”

“I’ll take you there.” The older Varixian said. “I’m sure you’ll love it.”

“Sounds like you two want a romantic getaway,” Niqi teased.

“What’s wrong with that?” Glide laughed. “It’ll be vacation, I won’t have to babysit you a******s while we’re there. Gotta keep busy somehow.”

“I can’t wait to see a sun again,” Ambree said, glancing at the fog. “I’m sick of the dark.”

“Agreed,” Niqi responded. “I’m so glad my vampirism doesn’t affect that.”

“When we get there, I think I’m gonna take a dip in the ocean.” Davis commented.

“Sounds nice.” Sandy smiled. “I’ll be laying on the beach all day.”

“I’m gonna try my paw at surfing.” Ricky said.

“I’m with Sandy, I just want to lay in the sun. After being on so many cold planets… Ugh, this thought process is making me crave warmth,” Niqi added.

“What about the rest of you guys?” Ambree asked, turning to the rest of the Raven’s Nest. “Vacation plans?”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to go with you guys.” T.K. sighed. “I still have to look for my friend. I don’t think he’s here, and there’s a lot of other doors to check.”

“We’ll have to meet back up with Valerian and Red.” Maki added.

“Rum.” Belleza said simply.

Lujuria laughed. “I’m with grandma. I’m gonna drink until I pass out.”

“I can go with that.” Hóu smirked. “Count me in.”

“I have to fish my glider out of the ocean…” Casey muttered.

“Well, the vacation certainly hasn’t started yet,” Niqi stated, her tone darker than before. “Kalma. Large group. Dead ahead.”

“Great choice of words.” Glide said, drawing his blade. “Raven’s Nest…rip ’em apart.”

Ambree pulled out her whip, charging at the group. She pulled a Kalma down by the shoulders with it, snapping its neck with her foot as soon as it hit the ground.

Niqi drew her swords, waiting to sense the attacks of the battle. Thirty two hit her. “Gonna be a long one!” she declared, automatically blocking the first attack and shoving Scourge through the Kalma’s eye. “Thirty one!”

“Better make that twenty-one, ’cause I’m gonna mow these fuckers down!” Glide laughed, leaping forward and slicing a Kalma’s head off with Magus, then tossing his shuriken forward and gesturing with his paw, the shuriken starting to circle him, keeping the Kalma back.

“You can’t alter fate, I’m afraid!” Niqi called to Glide. She and Ambree accidentally attacked the same Kalma at once, and the result was a very mangled, headless Kalma body. They looked at each other for a moment, and then burst out laughing. “Your side, my side,” Niqi instructed, pointing to halves of the huge Kalma group in turn.

“Fine,” Ambree responded, giggling as she went in the other direction.

“You’re both f****n’ retarded.” Glide grinned, rolling his eyes. He blocked an axe attack from a Kalma on his right, not noticing the one on his left until it was too late. The Kalma’s sword cut him, leaving a long gash down the left side of his face, barely missing his eyebrow piercing. “Ow, f**k! You’re lucky you didn’t cut my eye out, f****r…” He hissed, pulling his paw back, his shuriken stabbing into the Kalma’s back.

Niqi found herself surrounded by a large group. She dodged several attacks with her newfound speed, taking out two to four at a time with her swords. “I think I just kicked it down to twenty four!”

“You guys think we made the right choice, coming this way?” Glide asked, wrenching his shuriken free and using it as a shield. “Seems like this is the biggest group we’ve faced yet, we must be getting close.”

“From what I’ve seen, the largest fight usually indicates that the end is near,” Niqi responded, jumping up and delivering a two-foot spinning kick to a Kalma’s head.

“In that case, let’s have some fun with these losers.” Glide said, sheathing his blade and tossing his shuriken into the air. “Take ‘em down as quick as you can!”

“Aye,” Niqi replied, grinning, before nearly becoming a blur as she ran through the crowd, leaving bodies in her wake.

“I wish I had a sword again,” Ambree grumbled. “It’s bad enough that I’m competing with vampire speed. Damn this whip.” Despite her words, she attempted to decapitate the Kalma as quickly as possible.

Glide sighed, rolling his eyes and drawing Magus again. “Here, catch!” He called, tossing the blade to Ambree.

Ambree smiled as she caught it, putting away her whip. “Thanks a million!” she called back, immediately turning to slice a Kalma’s head off with Magus. “So much more natural,” she said, mostly to herself.

“Don’t keep it.” Glide warned, grabbing his shuriken as it came down and driving one of the points into a Kalma’s throat.

“Only until I can get a new one,” Ambree responded, shoving the sword into another Kalma’s chest. “I should probably be freaked out at how much I’m enjoying this.”

“Hell no, only until the end of the fight.” Glide laughed.

“You guys wanna shut up and concentrate on killing these things?” Hóu growled, driving his staff into the ground and using it to swing himself into one of the Kalma.

“Eighteen!” Niqi called from a distance.

“Dead or left?” Lujuria asked, leapfrogging a Kalma and driving both of the Bloody Doves into its head.

“Attacks left!” Niqi replied. “Dead is more like fifty-seven!” She laughed.

“Bodies are starting to pile up.” Hóu muttered, jumping over one and slamming his staff down on a Kalma’s head.

Niqi noted Hóu’s observation, sheathing Scourge and Bane to pick one up and attack a living Kalma with it. “In a horde of Kalma, anything can be used as a weapon!” she yelled, laughing.

“Ten steps ahead of you!” Glide called, holding a Kalma by its wrist and punching it in the face with its own fist.

“I got one!” Ambree declared, slicing off a Kalma’s leg with Magus. She drove the sword into the ground as the Kalma fell to free her hands, and then proceeded to beat the Kalma with its own detached leg.

Casey picked up one of the Kalma, holding it above his head. “Incoming!” He yelled, pitching the Kalma into a group of its brethren, knocking all of them to the ground. “Strike!”

“Hmm, I wonder…” Niqi mused, holding a Kalma up by the neck. She lowered it to the ground and bit it, attempting to drink its blood. “Bleh!” she exclaimed, spitting the blood out. “Horrid and cold.”

Casey smirked, leaping onto the pile of Kalma and starting to pummel them. “Lesson learned over there?” He asked. “Don’t drink the dead.”

“Point taken,” Niqi responded, still spitting. She didn’t look up, only moving her arm to unsheathe Bane and hold it out in front of her for the Kalma charging at her to run into face-first. “Down to nine!”

Glide grabbed a Kalma by the throat, holding it off the ground and choking it for a few moments before dropping it and delivering a kick, his boot caving in the Kalma’s skull. “Who’s keeping the kill-count?”

“Not me, I’m strictly doing battle count-down,” Niqi replied.

“It’s up to about a hundred ’n’ twenty.” T.K. said, jamming his shotgun into a Kalma’s mouth and pulling the trigger.

Ambree launched herself off of the pile of Kalma bodies, landing on the head of a living one. Its skull caved from the force. She quickly jumped to another one, only to have that one cave as well. She smiled, beginning to use it as a strategy. “This is a hell of a lot more fun than jumping on demon heads!”

“That’s mean as hell.” Glide laughed, drawing Senpuu and kicking a Kalma backward, pausing for only a few seconds before cleaving it in half.

Ambree pouted, jumping to the ground after caving another skull. “I’ve seen you do worse.”

“From Glide, ‘mean as hell’ is a good thing.” Lujuria grinned.

“Ah, I see,” Ambree said, grinning. She retrieved Magus from where she had driven it into the ground before. “Getting kinda thin on Kalma,” she remarked, slicing one into two uneven pieces.

“It’s about damn time.” Glide muttered, stabbing Senpuu into another Kalma’s stomach. “I was starting to get bored.”

“I agree,” Niqi responded. “It’s a bit disappointing when your enemies are as fragile as death. Down to three, now.” Out of curiosity, she sheathed her twin swords again and tested her strength by punching a nearby Kalma as hard as she could. To her immense shock and slight disgust, she not only broke the Kalma’s face entirely, but her hand also went completely through its head.

Glide ripped his blade free, sheathing it. “Hopefully the original will have held up just a bit better than these a******s. It’d suck if he died just as easily.”

“I think this is so easy because there’s so many of us, and we’re excellent,” Ambree commented. She kicked the weapon out of a nearby Kalma’s hands, shoving Magus into its gut. “Who’s going to fight the original Kalma, anyway?”

“Who the hell do you think?” Glide smirked. “Hand over my blade, I’m gonna need it.”

Ambree sighed, handing over the blade. “Always just you.”

“Battle’s over!” Niqi announced, kicking the last Kalma over and stomping it to death.

Glide took his blade, sheathing it. “Well, I don’t want you guys to get hurt.”

“I’m going to help you.” Felix stated. “Don’t bother trying to talk me out of it. Remember what happened last time you tried.”

Glide sighed, rolling his eyes. “Yes, dear.”

“That’s one I haven’t heard,” Niqi commented, walking over to the assembling group. “What happened last time?”

“He gave me the ‘I’m not a damsel in distress’ speech.” Glide laughed.

“Ah. I’d wish you guys good luck, but I suppose we’ll be tagging along to watch as usual,” Niqi replied, grinning.

“I hope the b*****d doesn’t live in a castle.” Glide muttered. “That’s so f*****g cliché…”

Reviews

[KEi]

"The Kalma's sword cut him, leaving a long gash down the left side of his face, barely missing his eyebrow piercing. "Ow, f**k!""
Indeed...
OUCH.