Easy Escape

This is joint-written. "Compared to Blackblood, that place was a f****n' hotel, complete with revolving door."

 

“The same cell.” Niqi smirked, looking around at the other four. “That’s probably gonna be their fatal mistake. All of us in one area and there aren’t many things in the universe that stand a chance.” She frowned, kicking the bars on the outside of the cell. “Except maybe this metal. It may be unattractive, but damn, it’s strong.”

“Where did they take Glide, though?” Shetani wondered aloud, leaning against the wall. “I hope they-”

“You’d better f****n’ let me go, c**t!” Glide growled from the doorway, a Barghest dragging him by his wrists. “I’ll cut your f****n’ balls off and shove 'em so far up your a*s, you'll be cumming out of your mouth!”

“Glide!” Ambree called, grinning and jumping up from the corner of the cell. “I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to see you.”

“Hey.” Glide said. “Guess escape won’t take as long as I thought.”

The Barghest hauled Glide to his feet, holding the Varixian’s wrists above his head.

“You know what your first mistake was, hairball?” Glide asked, narrowing his eyes. “Getting close enough to touch me. You know what the second one was? Leaving my feet touching the floor!” Smirking, he jumped up, kicking the Barghest into the wall.

“Yes!” Niqi shouted. “Kick him again! Kick him again!”

Ambree laughed. “I remember now why I trust this guy so much.”

“Great idea.” Glide said, kicking the Barghest in the chest and sending it tumbling across the floor. “Gimme my blade back, onionfucker!” He snarled, another vicious kick connecting with the Barghest’s head. The hulking behemoth fell limp. “F****n’ chucklehead.”

“I don’t mean to sound impatient,” Shetani said, “but could you let us out now?”

“Just a second.” Glide responded, unhooking his belt from the Barghest’s body and swinging it back around his own hips. “There. Back where it belongs. Now, anybody know where these jerks keep their keys?”

“With me.” Senshi smirked, pressing a blade against Glide’s throat. “Did you think I was stupid enough to leave your friends unguarded? I’ve been here the entire time.”

Glide rolled his eyes. “Let me guess. This is the part where you say ‘we’re not so different’, and tell me how you know me so well, and blah, blah, blah.”

“No, Glide.” Senshi replied. “This is the part where I stab you in the heart, cut your head off, and throw your body into the Glutton Worm pit.”

“... Yeah, I don’t think so.” Glide muttered, elbowing Senshi in the chest, causing him to loosen his grip enough for the Varixian to slip away from him. He drew Magus, eyeing Senshi warily.

“Do you know what this blade is, Glide?” Senshi asked, lunging forward and swinging the blade. “It’s Byakko’s claw!”

“Wow, that’s so interesting.” Glide yawned, knocking the blade away from Senshi with a quick kick. Returning Magus to its sheath, he grabbed the tyrant by the neck, shoving him against the wall. “How do I restore Tendou? I’m not gonna ask you a second time.”

“You’d have to kill the Dark Lords.” Senshi growled.

Glide nodded. “I thought so...” He murmured, letting Senshi go. An open palm impacted against his stomach, sending him stumbling backwards, knocking over a suit of armor. Snarling, he advanced on Senshi, distracting him with a punch and kicking him in the stomach while he wasn't concentrating. “Aw, does it hurt, baby?” The Varixian sneered, kicking the tyrant again as he dropped to his knees, knocking him onto his back.

Glide approached the prone tyrant, crouching down and robbing him of the keys that hung around his neck. Turning back to the cell, he unlocked the door, opening it up. “Come on. Just leave him; he’s not the one we’re after...”

 

...

 

“That was kind of impressive,” Niqi commented as she followed Glide and Shetani through Tendou’s streets, the others behind her, “how you were able to escape before they even put you in a cell.”

“Please.” Glide scoffed. “Compared to Blackblood, that place was a f****n’ hotel, complete with revolving door.”

“Blackblood?” Niqi asked. “Isn’t that–”

“Yeah.” Glide replied, cutting her off. “Blackblood Quintuple-Maximum Security Correctional Compound. The most secure prison in the omniverse.”

Niqi raised an eyebrow. “You broke out of Blackblood?”

“No, even better.” Glide smirked, turning a corner into a small bazaar. “I broke in, stole the warden’s shoes, and escaped again, all without being seen. Just to see if I could.”

The bazaar was filled with people, rushing between the merchants’ stands, eager to spend what little money they had. “Golden idols!” One of the merchants called. “Golden idols of the mischief goddess, Shetani! Bring this smiling idol into your home and good luck is sure to follow!”

“How charming.” Shetani smiled, picking up one of the idols. “It looks exactly like me, right down to the shape of my nose. Although it seems to be missing my prank book...”

“Prank book?” Ambree asked, looking up from the small trinkets and jewelry in the neighboring stand.

“She keeps a record of every single prank, the ones she inspires and the ones she commits. Right down to the date and time it happened.” Glide explained. “It’s probably huge, given how long she’s been keeping it. Maybe it’d take too much gold to make it.”

Ambree nodded, going silent for a moment. “... Why would she keep a record of that?” She finally asked, looking up again.

“Yeah, hi, I’m the goddess of mischief, I don’t believe we’ve met.” Shetani grinned.

“Would you like to buy the idol?” The merchant enquired.

Shetani thought it over for a moment before nodding. “How much?”

“For the beautiful goddess herself, I would take only one thousand Bloodnotes.”

“Thank you.” Shetani smiled. “Glide, if you would be so kind...”

Glide rolled his eyes, reaching into his back pocket, pulling out a pair of coins and handing them to the merchant. “Here.”

Belleza and Lujuria wandered through the bazaar, stopping at every stand to see what was for sale. “Do you have cabbage?” Belleza asked, after they had visited six other stands.

“No, I don’t.” The merchant responded. “But I do have these.” He said, pulling a bundle of cloth from behind the stand. “The ceremonial robes of a priest. I would be happy to give them to you for... oh, five hundred Bloodnotes.”

“Glide!” Lujuria called, waving the Varixian over.

Glide sighed, walking over, paw already in his pocket. “How much do you need?”

“Three high.” Lujuria replied. “I’ve got an idea.”

“Three high? I can’t believe you...” Glide muttered, pulling out six more coins and handing them to Lujuria.

Lujuria smiled. “Thanks.” He said, turning to the merchant. “We’ll take six.”

Reviews

[KEi]

roflmao@onionfucker.
(Is that even possible?! Actually, on second thought, I don't want to know...)

rofl@Glide, stealing shoes, "just to see if he could".
xD