Crude Vampire

Title says it all.

The dire needs of our kind,
Shall not save me from this sign
They walk the night and they feed,
The dead that live, oh yes indeed
They move amongst us undetected,
That is how I became infected
Now I walk the night as one of them,
I take the women and the men
There's some discretion but no remorse,
As I take your blood to quench my thirst
When I'm done feeding I'll leave the corpse.

Reviews

[Twilight]

Firstly, nice and perfectly adequate rhyme scheme. It also has a sense of menace or dread, and ends rather abruptly. However, the abrupt ending reminded me of the sudden and violent death, of a vampire's victim! Perhaps, you intended that?

Your use of the word "infected", and how vampires can be mistaken for ordinary people, made me think of those carrying the HIV virus. Obviously, that's because they too can pass among us, without our being aware of the potential threat which they pose.

As the writer's description suggests, the vampire behaves in a crude way. Having said that, does this imply that the writer thinks some kinds of vampire are not crude? Indeed, why is her vampire more crude than another? In some ways, it is quite sexual. I also wondered what the "sign" is, to which this writer refers?

Thankyou Stacy, for entering this poem in my Contest!

[Stacy]

I'm honored to win 2nd place in the contest with this poem. I felt the words as I wrote them on this poem [like I do for 98% of them].

[Sean M. Addams]

very interesting piece .. like the detail in this alot... i like vampires alot so i had to check out your piece and i was really impressed by it.. nice work!!!

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Congrats on your great winning poem.

[No Longer Writing Here]

Very nicely written. You did a great job with the rhyme scheme.

[The DuchessPoet]

Very nice write!

Thank you for entering my contest!

I love this! I like vampire stories and your poem is very good. Not all cuddly and romantic! Very good!