Awakening

A Story by Stacie Dayton

What does it mean to die? It is merely the cessation of the body’s vital organs or is it more than that? What if a person goes on without their soul? Can that not be considered death in its own way? If we did die just from losing our soul, could we be revived with an attempt to get it back? Is there no redemption for the careless mistakes that we make? And upon reflection, was it really careless… or a mistake?

Catatonic was how the doctors described me. Nothing more than an empty shell still living and breathing but cut off from the world within myself. I wasn’t always like this. I was young, vibrant, and alive. Yes, alive, not that I would be considered dead by any medical means. But inside, inside where I lay to rest now, that once was more than a hallow vessel.

The doctors and nurses check on me often. Aides come in to change my linens when needed. Everyone lives on around me. I know every movement they make, everything they say, but I cannot respond to them. He doesn’t let me. He holds me here, within myself. Like a scared child hiding in the shadows, I cower from him.

But this isn’t him. I have to keep telling myself that this monster that holds me isn’t him. He was kind. He was gentle. He loved me. He wouldn’t imprison me like this creature does. This can’t be him. Those eyes of fire aren’t really his. Oh but they are. No, they’ve changed somehow.

Those eyes of fire, magnificent and gleaming. They enticed me with the first glance they gave. Even then as I was not to be noticed, they found me. He was a gentleman back then and what a guise he played with those airs. I guess that’s how he won me. I was alone, crying in my desperation and he found me, saved me. He taught me of things I could never imagine learning and all the while I played his game, letting him rope me in nearer and nearer until it was too late.

The signs came early. He never once lied to me about his identity. He was a demon, monstrous in nature and he only wanted one thing; and I, the innocently lost child so easily and willingly gave it. I knew it all along but when he held me so, I couldn’t help but want him to take it. After all, how else would we remain together? So then it was decided, on the eve of some unknown night, that I would give this priceless gift and then we would forever be intertwined. And I did follow through. I gave him this gift because my love for him was so powerful, nothing could conquer it. I didn’t care what he was. I loved it. I craved it more and more with every passing moment. It gave me a power unknown to most. I held the demon. I had his every desire within me. I kept him as he kept me. And then one day, everything changed.

It was unhealthy everyone said. The way he and I were. But they didn’t know him like I did. They didn’t know what he really was. Only I did and I understood. It was all because he was struggling to find humanity within himself. He couldn’t keep the charade knowing what he was. That’s why he needed me and my gift. That’s what kept him grounded. That’s why he needed me the same as I needed him. But then it turned. He turned. The mask finally fell and everyone could see what he was. And this demon, this powerful demon had what he wanted from me. And I, the helpless one became trapped in my own deceptive heart. He had me locked. I could no longer escape. He held me tighter and tighter, unable to even see the light beyond him anymore. There was no freedom anymore. All because he had my gift, he had me forever. But it’s what I wanted. No, not like this. This isn’t right. But you knew. Not like this. He is the soul-eater after all. You were willing. Now he has it and I am without it. I need to get it back. I gave it willingly, I can take it willingly. But forever…

Never…

I am broken but it’s plain to see what this soul-eater has done to me. He has taken my most precious self and kept me locked worse than the princess in the tower. He has held me captive for so long and now I must break free.

Forever…

Never…

It’s time to wake up now.

I can respond.