The Car is Out of Control

Car out of control

Like a zipper careening like a rocket diagonally have I gone mad?

Scratching the surface of the tracks, sparks flying- birds screaming.

My fists squeeze yellow feathers and beaks open from the trees to the

beat of the train bell.  I open my eyes, and the clouds disappear.

The wind shield cracks, slithering across the glass.

But where will the marble go next?

Reviews

Hey Stacey,

I think this poem has got good potential - it only needs some clarification and revising.
1)

"Like a zipper careening like a rocket diagonally have I gone mad?"

You have two "likes" here. What about:

A zipper careening like a rocket diagonally - have I gone mad?

2)

"Scratching the surface of the tracks, sparks flying- birds screaming."

"Scratching the surface" could be phrased in a more unique, catching way

3)

"My fists squeeze yellow feathers and beaks open from the trees to the"

"Yellow" seems to beg for more description. Use a little more description and I think it work well.

4)

"beat of the train bell. I open my eyes, and the clouds disappear."

My favorite line in the poem

5)

"The wind shield cracks, slithering across the glass."

"cracks" could be more descriptive or more unique

6)

"But where will the marble go next?"

I am confused here. In this a reference to your brain? I can't tell. Please try to clarify.

Overall, it has a unique sense - but it can become even more unique.

[Black]

its okay