Terre Mère

You say you love her...

But you treat her like she's expendable

You let her skin turn from a rich penny to a dusty, withering pewter
Her eyes that once were a fierce swirl of sapphire and emerald have lost their glow, enshrouded in dark clouds
The fire in her heart grows, not from love, but from an overwhelming pain, a cry out for help, or perhaps an attempt to self destruct

You say you love her...
Yet you use her children against her
You torment them, enslave them
She has no choice but to watch as, one by one, generations are obliterated

You say you love her...
Though you make her sick
You corrupt her body with your toxicity, your lies, your greed, your complete arrogance
Your inventions...

The multitudes always gather in masses to feed off the hands of ignorance and hate

You are the ignorance
You are the hate
You do not love her

With a serpent's tongue you convince others to eat your fruit
Together you build walls
You confine her

There isn't an inch of her that your very existence hasn't tainted

But one day, the sun will cascade over her
Your darkness will be blotted out
Her children will sing songs of amity, and she will dance ad infinitum with her moon

Reviews

[Njeri Brooks]

Wow.

You really made a sharp, powerful impact with this poem. Despite the gender of the mc (main character), I'm able to relate this to a guy I know who let's his gf walk all over him.

Watching a toxic relationship on the outside is especially hard because the abuser is always justified by the abused partner.

However, you took this tale of an abusive relationship and brought it to life by using such beautiful depictions.

My favorite depiction was "You let her skin turn from a rich penny to a dusty, withering pewter."
This really gave me the impression that the female mc was literally dying from the male mc's "love".

I especially liked how you slipped in certain details.

For instance, the reader is made aware of the fact that the female mc may have made an "attempt to self destruct." In addition to this, you also proved a reason for the continuance of such an unhealthy relationship.

The kids.

In spite of the detrimental affects this relationship has over the female mc, I feel as if the narration gave this tale a positive conclusion.

(P.S. I'm a realist. I usually love the happy endings, but they're forgettable. I hate depressing endings, but I always remember them.)

I like the upbeat note you wrap everything up on, but I can't help but to ponder on the possibility of the female mc becoming as corrupted as the abusive male mc is.

After all, people generally have a habit of becoming like the monster's they know.

Critics:

...This time, I don't have any...surprisingly.

However, I must say that proof reading your work is the best thing you can do for the reader. The little mistakes may not seem like much, but they always seem to build up and suck the life out of my enjoyment of a good story.

Overall, I really enjoyed this piece. It left me wondering about what would happen next, yet it did a good job with providing the after taste of hope.

P.S. You may just write for fun, but it really does bring emotion and passion into the reader's life.

Thus, you may or may not view it as a simple hobby, but the majority of people who read it will see it as inspiration.

Keep up with the writing and make sure to stay active by reviewing other people's work. Plus, there are also contests that can be really fun to participate in.

Keep up the good work.

~~Njeri Brooks