Adventures of the past

All I know is that I have been suffering,been suffering so long.Did I put myself in this position.Is it I that love so much? I'm not sure. They all say,I deserve better. I know I deserve better,but I want him. Positive that destiny is laughing at my stupidity. I try to organize my thoughts..but I become more confused. I fell in love,somewhere along the line between january 20th to now october 5th. I wasn't expecting to,I wasn't looking to.It was just supposed to be an experience. He was here for five months. I thought to myself,well he's interested..I am lonely,been depressed for so long and this random stranger,foreign and handsome,speaking spanish.I thought,I ought to take the risk to be happy,even if it's for a little while. I knew we wouldn't last..in my life,the only thing that was constant..and still is ,sadness and tears.But what happened to me? I'm not sure.January,February and all the months,spent time doing homework. He shed some tears,saying how special I was.How he'd never find a girl like me,he fell in love,he found the one.I warned him not to tell me lies,not to play me..but he assured me otherwise. In a nutshell,we spent hours laughing and talking about life,first kiss on valentine's day.Vacationing in another island,going to parties,to the movies,walking on the beach holding hands,kissed in the rain.Woke up next to each other,walked to school together,walked home together.My skills improved.I was happy,complicated,but happy.We cooked together,cried to Jt's Mirrors..made out to Beyonce drunk in love.Went camping,slept in the beach..cuddled,went to a special place alone at night,looking at the stars,holding hands and touching. All was beautiful,but ugly as well.As we've ended now,you're happy with another and it mortifies me,it kills me everyday.In short time,we were beautiful,walking on Sundays,massages to bachata music.You loved me some point,but it faded for you,but you don't fade to me. I now,we're done,I have to move on. Two different countries,different lives,fortunate to have crossed paths,even if it was for a while. The ending wasn't so great,left me with pain and a loss of faith.But I miss you so much,your lips,caress and touch. It'll take a miracle for us to be together again,the only comfort is to know..for me you were my lover and friend. All has changed and I'm still adjusting,my heart aches and the tears thrusting through my eyes,my heart wants you,it screams and tries..One day sadly,it will all be a faded memory,but the testimony is my words..you made me ill and you have the antidote.I love you so much that it hurts,every time we walked in Colombia..watched movies,roller coaster parks..anywhere,we were good,you and I both. People say they will kill for the memories that I made,I was elated,but now in the suffering state. It's as though I'm not sure how to move on with my life,when I want you to make me your wife. But life happens,people come and go,here for my season..the summer to my snow.It's  been a wild ride,never could I say goodbye,couldn't stop loving you,even if I tried. I just have to pretend now,you are an old friend,happy for you even if our relation can't have amends. Truly a blessing to my soul,a cold man,but I value you as pure gold