Deteriorating

Not my day.I hate to come across as cynical and attention-crazed.But I've realized,that poetry is my only solace.It's just how I feel right now and for a prolonged period of time.

Look at and the mirror

What I see?

Nothing,failed human being,

I see these streams of sadness,

I see these scars.

I see how happiness,

Just can't be for me

I see rejection and I see failure,

I see nothing but sadness and tears

I see death as inviting

Life overrated,

I see myself just fed up

Just frustrated

I tried hard to inspire,

But to no avail

I tried to be selfless,

Human nature making me frail

I try to leave the past,

I try to pray,

But it's as though I have nothing left to say

I have some bright days,

But more dim,very aware my pessimistic selfishness-

Truly a sin

I hate for saying all this,

Because there is worst..

Looking at all the negatives,

I'm being to think I'm cursed.

Going crazy in my room,

Clothes everyone,secluded,subdued-

By my own doom.

Broken family,failure,death

More sadness to come I bet

I tried to change my thinking,

I really do try,

But sadness engulfs me,

Happiness only stays a while.

Dreams,so many that I have,

Impractical,but I dream,

What if I'm setting up for more despair?

I claimed I'd be better this year...

I want to help and inspire,that's all I want,

But then my own sadness,problems,they haunt.

I miss Paul so much,

I wish my family wasn't apart,

I wish I'd excel this semester,

Next week it starts.

All the worry,it takes a toll on me,

Sapping my happiness,not to estranged to see.

I try to love myself,but I make it impossible.

Positive one day,Negative another,

Sick of these roller coaster emotions.

I vent now,fine for awhile,

it won't be long,when I feel depressed again.

I know I must be grateful,for all that I have,

I know that these trials make me stronger,

I know I have the power to bring positive change,

But sometimes,with bottling and suppressing

Everything inside,

I feel deranged and estranged.

I pray,it helps,

But I am always reminded about the reality.

I said,today I will live,

I will love me,

I will smile and move own,

But I can't,I'm one of those that can never lets thing go.

I try to forget me,

Focus on others,

as it says,"Seek the interest of your neighbor,

not yourself"

Just certain days,I feel overwhelmed.