A Feeble Hand in the Dark

A Story by Spoon

Have you ever had to walk away from a struggling friend to save yourself?

To an old friend,

How are you? It’s been a long time and I know you don’t talk to many of your old friends. You don’t talk to me, but that’s ok I guess. After everything and all. I’m sorry about Steve. I really am. But that’s not why I’m writing. I’m writing because... well I don’t know. I have had some beers and there’s some vodka and I’m writing to you because I want you to know that I’m not happy about how it worked out. Between us. I’m sorry I left. I feel like I was helping you but you didn’t want to be helped and I didn’t really want to help you but I just did it anyway because you needed help. I hope someone is still helping you. I know Steve did great things for you but now that he’s gone I just hope there is still someone. I bet you hear people saying that all the time but I mean it in a different way. I hope there is someone who knows your demons like I do. That might sound ridiculous after everything that happened between us. I know that you probably hate me. I tried with you. I really tried to be something different for you. Not a druggie. Not feral. I don’t know. Something that might give you hope. Faith, even. You know I’m not religious so I’m not talking about faith as in god and s**t but like belief. In people. In other people. You know too much of the same and it’s not good for you. You need to believe that there is more somewhere. Believe me when I say be careful. You know first hand how my world can be no better than yours. I guess you were there for me too, even though you hated it. Maybe that’s human nature. I don’t know, its all just bullshit sometimes. But Steve was good to you and you should always remember that. I’m sorry I had to leave when I did but I get overwhelmed sometimes and its all I can do to keep my head above water and when that happens I run. I know you were glad to see me leave but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m sorry.

I doubt we’ll ever meet again, but if you live to the end of the year I’m coming back again. Well I’ll be coming back again anyway but if you’re still alive I want you to find me. I want to see you face to face and know that I made a difference. Any difference. Please do this for me. I’m on my last straw.

Regards,

Derrick