The Fire Ignites!

ahhh.. back to my roots.. some spoken slam.

 

Burn me alive inside

I want to feel the fire ignite

tap

spark

tap tap

spark

tap

BURN

gear turn

flame grind

an instintanious "damn did that just happen? That s**t went UP"

I’m small town stuck

strung up on the crow-corn rows of narrow mindedness

muddy waters create a sea

wave on wave

washing over me

the swell of humanity’s growth of human inanity

a puff of smoke in a magic show, it’s all abstract

create a blind path and watch our children follow

cradle a baby

smack its mother

where’s little boy blue?

hiding under the covers

killing sheep with his father’s hand

sleep if you can

cause he’s clearing the fields reaping what you sew

with knitted wool over our eyes we cry "it was television and all it’s lies"

but who let him watch?

shame’s for not

shame on you

shame we forgot

bring it back

recycle the blame

make it your own

cause its ours to hold

let me say it again..

I- WANT- TO- FEEL- THE- FIRE- IGNITE

now..

who's got a light?

Author's Note

normally i just leave this type of poem jumbled together with no structure, but i thought i'd attempt to make it more visually appealing and try to give you a sense of where my 'break lines' are.. if you could give me your thoughts on the ending I can't decide to leave as is or change..... something with having a light and a match... playing along those lines...i'll let it sit and simmer..

Reviews

[Mr. Deft Diction]

I like the fire in this joint right here...

"...I'm small-town stuck...."; narrow-mindedness....

I'd love to hear this spoken, 'cause you seem like you got the rhythm for it. Nice work!

[BrightEyes]

ahhhh this brought a nice twist to my day today - the flow was perfect - it kept coming and moving. I agree with Jenny here - I wouldn't change a word here - I think it is perfect as it stands. i love your metaphors here - the distorted pieces of nursery rhymes used - perfect.

[Jason Nuciola]

wow i love this poem

[run vs remember]

Wow, I love it!
I could see and hear, maybe even feel the fire...i saw the ocean...the magic show.

It all felt real. Great!

[Jenny Davis]

Love this! I wouldn't change ONE word...right on and write on!!!! Yes. :)

[Antony]

Spoken, this flowed across the page with a powerful message and a fire burning inside your mind. I liked how it moved along quickly, it made it more intense. It reminds me of that song, "Light My Fire" excellent job with this piece.
Antony

[[untitled]]

I agree, it should be left as written
It speaks volumes to me as I read it. Great write and I look forward to reading
more of your work

[DeAn]

This definetly rocks and should be left just as it is written. it speaks volumes to those awake and will most likely give a clue to those not. great job and an excellent write!

-DeAn

[Mr. Lopez]

I think that this is absolutely perfect the way it is now! Don't change a thing. The ending is witty and fits perfect. I don't think that it would have had the same affect if you posted it without this structure.This structure allows it to flow.Its much better this way. Great work!!

Mr.Lopez

[Loribeth215]

Hi Spoken,
I like this. It would actually make a good rock song, the way I picture it, anyway.
If you want to change the ending, I'd say "who's gonna light it up.... cause I've got a match..."