Catacombs in Mind

                               

 

catacombs in mind

like branches of a tree

each one reaches to nothing

leaves glued on like cheap paper mache

a little tease of my finger tips and they give way

I laugh as I cry

Arms folded broken over my head

Legs bent at the knees

feet spread wide

smile pasted

mr potatoe head mosaic

pack it in as I silly putty spew it out

my assembly line mechanics

I was walking above my feet

until the will of my bones gave way

and I melted right there

on the concrete

you reached down to swipe your finger

across my wetness

like collected dust

how dare you take a piece of me

and turn your nose up

like I am unworthy

the day I hung myself

behind my property

in the family tree

outside the catacombs of my mind

you were watching me

judging me

pointing your finger

telling me where I was going

but I was already there

Author's Note

someone recently showed me how to add pictures to my pieces.. so just playing around a bit

Reviews

[Michael X]

I really like your style, powerful writing, this creates an emotional environment, and transports the reader to the catacombs, the haunting ambience, the feel of regret in the air, the depth conveys the nature of a product completed by ingredients, yet

broken by the very idea that brought it together, to imagine a tormented tree,
paper leaves swaying in the wind, struggling to stay alive, shows just how much the heart is willing to sacrifice for the cause or sake it believes in, heartfelt to

imagine what it is to be caught in a downward spiral, yet in every way knowing where the end result is going to be, convincing detail, this is touching. Nice Work.
Take Care, Mike

Favorite Lines:

catacombs in mind
like branches of a tree
each one reaches to nothing
leaves glued on like cheap paper machea
little tease of my finger tips and they give way
I laugh as I cry
Arms folded broken over my head
Legs bent at the knees
feet spread wide

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

Sorry it took me so long to review this. i really enjoyed. A great powerful piece, nicely done.

[An owl on the moon]

Powerfully moving piece that shifts around us like dark clouds, revealing the torturous pain that others can inflict even deep within our minds... You weave together abstract and concrete so perfectly!

Craig

[StrangeVoices]

I think its well written and the images put me in the mood of the poem, it was very descriptive and dragged me into the dark world. I also like the creativeness in the use of simile/metaphor

[[untitled]]

this is a very powerful piece
you took me to a place few can with writings
great write

[Blackbirdsong]

This is quite brilliant actually. I love the free flow word play of your work here which really expresses that feeling of thoughts flying quickly back and forth, the mind racing with images and meanings...wonderfully conceived here.

You have some powerful moments that are really jarring:

"you reached down to swipe your finger
across my wetness
like collected dust"

excellent work here...bravo

[Bear]

the poem is captivating... the pictures add to the piece!!
How do you add pictures? No, don't answer... I don't need another "gizmo" to figure out. ;~)
Lots of fun to read your work.
Thanks!!
Sallie Bear

[Dani California]

Wow. "telling me where I was going, but I was already there". That is such a powerful statement. This entire piece has sent me jumping head first into an emotional whirlpool.. on so many levels. The impact of the judgments we so easily hand out, not knowing how devastating they may be on the receiving end. The sheer gawl of even doing so... the emotional descent, to the point of taking one's own life.... spiritual death... and so on.

"I laugh as I cry
Arms folded broken over my head
Legs bent at the knees
feet spread widesmile pasted.."

I am haunted by this image... for a long time to come.
I am haunted by the very act occuring here, and in several
other pieces I've read over the past few months.. different
form, different words, same outcome.

You have captured the raw emotional aspect well..
brilliantly composed..

[TL Boehm]

wow, incredible, visceral surreal spill here. Nicely done.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Oh man what a powerful and intense write... how sad when someone is driven to take their own life... I have bee close to this situation before and know how it effects everyone around it... your words ring with just hoe destuctive the act is.

[BrightEyes]

this is an awesome write - there is so much here - the metaphors are amazing - the depth is phenomeonal - the journey into dark places, haunting. This was an interesting and chilling journey you've taken us on here - I loved this write! :-)