Mother

I hope you aren't disappointed in me

I know I haven't been by much lately...

I want to, oh how I want to.

I just can't do it. I can't make myself

turn left, instead of right.

I was so strong, when I was there

helping, watching, praying

at least that's how it seemed, right?

Yet, the first chance I got to leave

I left.  Knowing that going back

would be so hard. When I'm not there,

you are the way you should be-

in my head, in my memories.

when I'm not there, your laughter

rings in my ears, your eyes sparkle,

you blush like you used to

you are bigger, stronger, more...

everything

When I go back, reality intrudes

I have to make my way to your

bed, talk to you while you lay

still and quiet, eyes a little dull

face crinkled in pain, or confusion,

tremors you can't control

no smiles, no hugs, no jokes

certainly no daily phone calls

just to say... I love you.

I think I was stronger, when I

was there, every day, every night.

I hope you aren't disappointed in me,

I'll try Mom, too push aside that fear

or at least hide it well, but only once a week.

Reviews

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. absolutely earnest and beautiful poetry ... the best advice i received was "do what you can until you can do more" ... and "if it's too heavy, put it down" ... and of course ... "do what your heart says" ... don't judge yourself, my friend ... you're a golden girl and parents always know their children well ... be at peace and be well ... i know that you'll be able to do what you can ... you do so much for me even though we haven't met ... you warmed my heart by finding me ... i cannot begin to tell you how sure i am that you're awesome ...

[SpitfireGrrrl]

Thanks, Serah. I appreciate it!

[...]

. the privilege is all mine :) ...