Joking About Survival

-Zombie inspired story with no meaning- May contain language, and graphic content.Discretion is advised.

     -Diary Entry 1-

Bill Cosby once said, “Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it”. That is most likely the stupidest thing I have ever heard. I sat in my room, waiting in the corner. Since I couldn't really move, I had to literally wait for them to find me in this blood splattered room with bodies in it. But now, I only have two shots left in Todd's 9mm pistol. I can't believe it's come to this.It was a week ago that the first victim was brought into the ER, I couldn't believe my eyes. My sprained ankle looked like a scratch towards this grotesque bite wound on this girl's arm. While I lied there, I watched that arm spurt out so much blood that it made me sick. The doctors wheeled the gurney out of my hallway and most likely to the operating room. I couldn't believe my eyes, that girl looked only ten years old. I spent the night at the hospital because apparently my simple football injury was too simple to be looked at. That night there were more and more people admitted, all who seemed to have bite wounds. I almost threw up from the amount of blood I saw. My nurse didn't come to check on me, but I swore I heard noises outside my room. I bet it was some lost kid moaning and groaning. That morning my nurse wasn't seen at all, and I had a new doctor patching my ankle. He put a cast on me and practically pushed me out with crutches. While I snailed my way to the lobby, I noticed a lot more police officers than usual, I mean sure, there are officers here but not this many. I swear a platoon was here. I would have asked the receptionist if I could use her phone but she wasn't there today. I leaned over the desk and punched in my home number in the phone to call my mom. I leaned against the desk and let the call ring through. What in god's name? I thought to myself, as the entire reception area was covered in injured people. Everyone was bit by some damn animal, I mean, this animal is on a rampage.

             -Diary Entry 2-

After that, things were blurred because it happened so fast. Mom never came home, and my friend Todd came over with his pistol, his father's 12 gauge shotgun and blood on his Nike hoody. I kept asking him to tell me what the hell was going on, but he told me to shut up and put the tv on. While I reached for my remote, he just loaded his shotgun and went downstairs. I turned the tv on and was surprised to see the news on the movie channel. The newsreporter was droning on   about the recent animal attacks, revealing them to be human. The marquee text that scrolled at the bottom of the screen kept saying," Stay Inside, Aim For The Head". Then the somehow calm newsreporter revealed that zombies are infesting the city. He showed footage of police shooting at a wall of zombies in an apartment complex, where they were eventually overtaken. The camera fell to the ground, watching a SWAT officer's face be eaten until the footage ended and went back to the newsreporter who lost his calm. I shook my head in disbelief, are you kidding me? In all seriousness, zombies? But the gunshot and mad yelling downstairs made me believe all too quickly. I sat up , grabbed one of my crutches and stood up from my bed. I hobbled to the window and that's when my believing continued. Cars were empty and totaled, blood was on the streets and people...no... the mindless undead roamed eating everyone. I covered my mouth as I watched Susan, the girl across the street that I had a crush on, literally jump out of her room from the second story.I heard her yelp in pain as she hurt knee. I could see figures in her window slowly crawling through and falling down after her. She began to hobble but she was grabbed by Paul, the 75 year old ex cop down the street who had his entire arm missing. Paul,sporting his legendary navy coat with POLICE on it, began to eat her throat, I turned away and sat back on my bed. Oh god.. was the only thing I kept thinking. Todd came in quickly and closed my door. "Did you see? Those f*****g things are everywhere!", he exclaimed, putting more shells into the shotgun. I puked on the floor and started to cry.

          -Diary Entry 3-

A few nights later Todd was killed when he decided it would be cool to shoot at the freaks from the rooftop. He ended up tripping on one of the shingles and falling to his death, which he met face first. His will just included me which left me with his Ipod, and 9mm Sig P220 handgun.Pretty little thing, but sadly I wished I had it on better terms. My nights, sleepless.My days, even worse. I tried barricading myself but I'm too scared to go by myself, I'm afraid that those dead carcasses would sneak up on me and I can't really run. The tv went out, I guess the news guy finally said,"Screw you" to the channel and stayed home. I usually listen to metal songs, but I've become rather fond of Journey, Todd's Ipod was full of it. I guess Journey is the only thing that stops me from losing hope.

             -Diary Entry 4-

I had the best moment in my life, when I thought I was going to die alone, I heard scratching noises on my door. I first I thought it was another zombie so I was going to shoot through the hole Todd cut out that was head level for the average ma... zombie. But I looked down to see Gale, Paul's German shepherd waving her tail and holding an arm in her mouth. I opened the door and she bounded in, wagging her tail hysterically. This dog wanted some actual attention. I closed the door and heard the sound of the arm falling to the floor. I looked at the arm and saw the sleeve of what seemed to be a navy blue coat. I backed away from the arm,"Jesus! You tore off Paul's arm?", I exclaimed, but the black German shepherd just sat proudly and panted. I put a winter glove on my hand and grabbed the arm. Gale was on her feet, ready to give chase. "No! No no no no, There is no way you're playing catch with an arm. Get a stick or something, I'll   toss that for you but no way in hell will I be tossing limbs. You're like Cujo.", I scolded the dog who dishearteningly sat back down. I tossed the arm out of my window, which slapped Susan in the face, knocking her head back which wasn't quite completely attached to her neck. I sometimes watch Susan walk slowly around the street, her top is completely off and her short short's look amazing on her. I wish I could do this when she wasn't grey and missing a pound of flesh from her neck.

              -Diary Entry 5-

It's been   [illegible] eks since my last entry.[illegible]ale ran out of the house barking madly a while ago and hasn't come back. I haven't really eaten in about 3 days now, gotta say, I'm hungry. Susan decided to come over and pow wow with me but sadly I wasn't up to it. She's lying in my closet at the moment with a bullet in [illegible]ght temple. Such a pretty girl, I wished I asked her out 5 weeks ago, by now we could be at the [illegible], seeing the newest flick. I guess it's only a dream now, but I [illegible]..opped a feel earlier ,and I can't believe they were always that big. Damn, I'm having some angry hunger pains right now. Situation critical. Ahh, I hear[illegible]..oming. Maybe... I won't go hungry after all.

              -Final Diary Entry-

I found a pen, makes me happy. Can't say it's a great thing though.I given up. Everyone is dead. No one will come for me. All hope is dead. I read my other entries and realized the meaning of the quote. I'm laughing right now.Not because I only have one bullet left,but I get the practical joke now. The only thing that survives, is my blockbreaker score on Todd's Ipod. Jokes on you Todd, I kicked your a*s at your own game.

[Rest of the page is covered with blood]

Author's Note

Please review, I will take all kinds of criticism as I wish to be a better writer.