My Immortal Chapter 5

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

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Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

“You ludacris fools!” he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.

“They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!” he yelled in a furious voice.

“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Professor McGonagall.

“How dare you?” demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!”

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.”

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

“Are you okay, Ebony?” Draco asked me gently.

“Yeah I guess.” I lied. I went to the girl’s dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing ‘I just wanna live’ by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

Reviews

[ValerieYo]

I honestly don't think that someone could be so terrible... therefore I think that Tara Gilesbie is the greatest troll to have ever lived. Cx

[Ammy]

The main thing that's got on my nerves is your lack of a plot. I have no clue what's going on. Everyone is out of character as well. Dumbledore would never swear, Snape would never let someone off that easily and Draco is a stuck up prick. I can understand Draco being changed to suit the story but it's so drastic. The only way I actually found this was because someone told me how bad it was and I wanted to see it for myself. I can't find any good qualities in this story besides the clothing description. That's the only detailed thing but there is no angst, fluff, romance(Not a lot anyway)or anything like that. It's so unoriginal as well. 'I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face.' Where HAVEN'T I read this before? This one sentence is in every fantasy goth/emo story I have ever read. The chapters are so short as well, possibly because of the scene skipping. I think you should go back to school before posting stories if you don't want to get flamed. And, as I've already said in every other review, just because someone dislikes what you have done does not give you a valid excuse to put them in a certain clique.

'AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!'
YOU ARE FEEDING THE TROLLS.

[stormneko]

i don't consider myself a poser, and i don't know or care what a prep is, but honestly... you describe clothes and makeup more than you describe the characters (they're flatter than a piece of rice paper that's been steamroled, and you're already a fair way throuth the story), there are grammatical and spelling errors (this is inexcusable if the work has been edited), there is little distinguisable plot, and your author notes are harder to decipher than if you took all of the homestuck trolls' substitution quirks and used gamzee's WhImSiCaL mAnNeR oF tYpInG, and wrote extremely derpy BS. and it also applies to your self inserts. most people hate self inserts. all this and you expect no flames? are you SANE?

[zombiikillah666]

hahahaha @ "what are you doing you m***********s" lmfao