My Immortal Chapter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don’t own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

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On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn’t put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

“Hi Draco!” I said in a depressed voice.

“Hi Ebony.” he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

“You come in cold, you're covered in blood
They're all so happy you've arrived
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom
She sets you free into this life.” sang Joel (I don’t own da lyrics 2 dat song).

“Joel is so f*****g hot.” I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said.

“Really?” asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

“Really.” I said. “Besides I don’t even know Joel and he’s going out with Hilary f*****g Duff. I f*****g hate that little b***h.” I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn’t go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into……………………… the Forbidden Forest!

Reviews

[Ammy]

Okay, you are aware that just because someone dislikes your story DOESN'T mean that they're preps?

My main issue is with the, 'slit her wrists' part. it doesn't specify WHY she did it. It makes the reader think she's one of those whiny goths/emos who get depressed for no reason. Also, like ♍ Kirstin ♎ said, you're skipping scenes too quickly. I have, pretty much, NO idea what's going on because the scene changes to quick. There is also your (over)use of Ellipses/... . Are they all really necessary?
On top of all this, I don't understand the plot. I have already read every chapter and I still don't know what the hell is going on.

[zombiikillah666]

after she slit her wrist, she should have just drank from the wound... would of been a little more dark...lol... x)

[Morgster]

If shes a which and she drinks blood then why would she bleed if she cut herself xD

[♍ Kirstin ♎]

Ok I'm reading through this far too quickely, you need to put in more. This is changing scenes far too quickely. You need more in between. Like before the concert you could have done a full taking the piss ott what's her face (Embony's friend) taking the piss 'cause she was claiming not to like Draco and then agreed to go out with him.