Words are fickle

When you see that I'm stuck,get me out. Don't pretend you never saw me.

One moment I'm deep in the water,

i'm tip-toing on the border of my terrace the next.

Some are there to care a little,

no one to care enough .

The air is pure , the vibe but toxic.

The words are fickle,

the intentions but mettalic.

The hand to help me out from the water is wavering.

The push, but intent.

I tried to be righteous,

my knees but bent.

I was sailing across the shores of hell one moment .

And now,

to the paradise i'm sent.

Author's Note

Here's a short poem .Do let me know what you think about this .I've tried something different this time.

Reviews

[T.S. Ulmus]

I read it through four times, can't say I'm sure what it's about, but can't say that I care for understanding. It reads like slow jazz, it's a beautiful piece that uses words to paint an emotion. You did an amazing job defining something only by its edges. I'd like to read a lot more by you, it seems that you're free-writes would be magnificent, pure emotion and expression.

[Ankita Dwivedi]

Mind can be a very dark and dangerous organ,sometimes.Sometimes,it holds on to a thought and it can go to any point to feed the thought .i am delighted by your words and really hope that i never dissapoint you .
love,Ankita

[T.S. Ulmus]

You could never disappoint me. Spill your words, refine them if you must, a true poet bleeds emotion into words. As long as you are true you will create beautiful works.

[.]

Its a poem of contrasts to me; like drowning in a mental monsoon. Needing a helping hand to be saved but no hands readily available. Words can be fickle, yes, so can intent. Try another short poem. The more you write the better you will get. :)

[Ankita Dwivedi]

oh! sure i will and hope you tell me how it was .thanks for visiting , sweet.
Love, Ankita

[Einstein Noodle]

i like the title ... there is push and pull in your poem says i! again the dichotomy within us all .. temptations are with us daily .. not just sexual ... all kinds ... its all about the choice aint it!? you have a way with words and imaging ... this one is less prose like than the previous two .. you might give thought to trying a classical form ... i am also abstract and use free verse but doing a more demanding form i.e. a sonnet has always given me a sense of grounding and a more well rounded experience as a creative writer ... Richard is a great one for forms ... it you read him you will see what i mean .. and he is very helpful should you ask him ... but you must be serious about it and prepared to write and re-write until it is perfect in the smallest detail ;)
E.

[Ankita Dwivedi]

yeah !! I am trying to learn the form and will try as hard as i can ..hope i write my first sonnet soon , and let me know what you think about it .Also, yes tempations never leave our side and i know what you mean ,i have felt it .Many thanks for encouraging me to learn sonnet .
Love, Ankita

[Einstein Noodle]

do check out Richard .. he is boundless in his help

[Ankita Dwivedi]

I am sir ..and indeed what you say is true ..thank you for your humble advice

[Eilis]

With your title in mind, your poem made me think of how words can be both friend and foe. How sometimes words can be healing and other times they can feel like perpetrators. I suppose words do have great power. The person using them and the purpose for their use can both affect how they impact. Your poem makes me feel that the words themselves are seen as the force and the person only has minimal control over how they manifest. That’s an interesting perspective. Makes me think of mental illness and how things can take on a life of their own and the person suffering lacks the power to fight against them properly. I enjoyed reading your poem.

[adornoscousin]

I like. the lines convey a sense of desperation but then a feeling of peace.

[Ankita Dwivedi]

it does!! thanks for your words.
Love, Ankita

[Richard🖌]

Well, Lady Ankita

I was really drawn-in by your title, and from reading such a splendidly rendered litany of vividly expressed desperation and dismay, it is more than obvious you are not merely another pretty face at the Café. There is fine skill, complex feeling, and emotion swirling your depths, plus, great imagination and creativity to end such a dynamically gripping scene with the earned and well-deserved final reward of "paradise".
What a sigh of relief you've gifted us … I was about to jump-in and save you. ; )

Hm? What do I think about this? I think it's sheer brilliance, Ankita, and that it's an honor and pleasure to read you.
Thanks ever-so sincerely for sharing You! ⁓ Richard 🍃

[Ankita Dwivedi]

oh! your warmth makes me so happy ..thanks for reading me ..i have posted another ..jump in and save someone who is drowning , all you need is to look carefully around .you take me so high , dear .DON'T ;)
Love, Ankita

[Richard🖌]

What a lovely review response, Ankita
You make me happy, too, and leave me feeling warmly appreciated.
Thank you sincerely, Lady-Poet ⁓🍃

[emmajoy]

Seems life and what it contains sends you back and forth, here and there.. and you might not have come to terms with that. Your phrasing is so full of specifics, perhaps too many? Tis hard to find self at times, expectations laid aren't always best behaved! Consequently, intended meanings escape the ability of pen and imagination in unison!. Perhaps? Guess one could create two stanzas the one going that way, the other going this way. That said, you write with great feeling, however, just adding my slant..

[Ankita Dwivedi]

Of course! thank you so much for your advice and visit ..will definitely keep in mind.
Love, Ankita

[emmajoy]

Think perhaps my words read presumptuous, forgive me, please. Perhaps we all need learn by past successes or failures.. I certainly gained more by the latter! Take care of yourself, keep safe. You will, won;t you? Em

[Summer boy]

Powerful. Beautiful. Well uses. Well structured. Except the title uses just 'words'.
This one was a hard writ, to covey what why or what, it is hard, so I won't criticized much about the piece on that matter. Though this poetry failed to convey the deep human psychology, times we all face in our lives, but it conveyed what it is like for that person to go through all of this beautifully.

Deep in the water? ((Here's my hand))
Border of my terrace? Just wow! Usually we see high buildings in popular literatures to tip-toing. But you used your own home! 'My terrace' is a close thing, which is what you've written in the description. That is brilliant when you're pointing out to everyone around you.
Next two lines state it directly! It dwell right into it.
But if I would have to deduct; 'metallic' (not the wrong spell 'mettalic'); what can I make of it? Whose intentions it is talking about? Metals symbolized purity, divination, strength, courage and honor. So I can interpret that these are the first person's intentions you're talking about. But this choice wasn't helpful for in previous line you talked about the words of other persons. So it intended with the intentions of the people you're pointing out to. Not the other way.
Then, right when you gave the image of the wavering hand, as to reach out unintentionally to pull out.... right then you use "The push, but intent." That's why I just love this piece so much, that it plays with the reader, lead him to a place, then leaves and betrays. Exactly what the theme is. This is hard to do if not planned from before. And you've done it again and again. This poem is being that person for the reader, to leave, to pretend, to betray. It is alive!

Now this is my personal opinion: this poem requires more thoughts and editing on the latter part to keep it in the theme, to be fickle again. Ending in a nice way, (for me) took it away from the essence, the fickleness it is trying to depict. This made the poem lifeless (for me), and shifted the centre again to the 'I' person. It could be more universal.


You've mentioned "something different" in the author's note, I wonder if your older works were in metres, and if this well penned, then it's going to be a chew.
And my thoughts on those other people.... they don't know! Asking for help is necessary. If they know you, yet they don't get you out, then probably, they don't know you well enough. If not going to the past, now what can YOU do to make it right? Help them know you well enough. Help them to help you.

[Ankita Dwivedi]

Many thanks for such a detailed review , your advice and appreciation.I will keep it all in mind .Also , the other 2 work of mine is different .Maybe , you could give me some valuable advice on them as well . It will help .I gave much thought into writing this and definitely i could have made it universal but this was about something much more personal .
Love , Ankita

[Summer boy]

Of course. If you're in my friendlist I'm definitely going to review all your works. Currently just struggling on week days over work. Waiting for weekend nights. But I can read without analyzing faster, and I'm doing that for sure.

[Papaya]

I think words and thoughts can shift moods and direction as easily as the weather changes.
I think it's wise of you to understand how to weather the storms. Much to think on in this write.
Btw, welcome and nice to meet you. :)

[Ankita Dwivedi]

Nice to meet you too,Ana . Really glad you visited and liked my work.
Love, Ankita

[AJNJ]

To paradise i am sent too. Nice one. Pen on.

[Ankita Dwivedi]

definitely .many thanks for visiting .
:)

[Ankita Dwivedi]

what is paradise like?Btw;)

[AJNJ]

Hahaha. You tell me. Ladies first always. 😊

[Ankita Dwivedi]

ladies first is a bit typical and outdated .don't you think .i'd prefer you first .

[AJNJ]

Who was sent to the paradise first? ☺

[Ankita Dwivedi]

oh my lord ! you are tough .ok in the paradise i saw that women and men walked alongside each other neither opposite nor women walked behind .and no women was violated and raped and burnt alive .it was a kind of paradise i never wanted to leave .Your turn..

[AJNJ]

In my paradise, I saw men being loved for themselves and not their jobs, bank balances and chequebooks.
In my paradise, men won't be falsely accused of rape and if the woman is found guilty of it then she too be hanged.
In my paradise, sex would not be used as a bait by women to catch men for material gains.
In my paradise, men wouldn't be made scapegoats in everything that ever goes wrong in a woman's life.
In my paradise, more peace and quiet and less noise and blah blah blah at home and so on and so forth 😁😁😁

[Ankita Dwivedi]

i see, women have troubled you haven't they ??
well ,men are hardly hanged for rape ..and you still went too far in your paradise .Your paradise though sounds fair and beautiful .BUT i was just wondering why do men let women use sex as a bait ..why not work on a bit of resistance .
all good things,Ankita:)

[AJNJ]

Nope. Never any trouble, I'm not a bitter old man lol. Just 28.
And no man will resist candy if offered on a platter. If the great sage Vishwamitra couldn't resist Menaka, who are we mere mortals? 😁
In my paradise, everything fair and square and tit for tat.
All good things to you too ☺

[Ankita Dwivedi]

oh ! i know you are not .. then let's blame the one who took the candy equally as the one who offered which will ony be fair :)

[AJNJ]

Fair enough ☺ Paradise problem solved. Ciao!

[Neville]

I sense these words reflect the many words and images both swimming and flying around in the imagination of a poet head.. alive with all manner of possibilities ...

[Ankita Dwivedi]

yes ,my friend .i wanted to give scope to the readrer's imagination as it can be interpreted in more ways than one .

[Neville]

.................. absolutely :)