Ruby Liquid

The death rose, sucking the life from a helpless girl.

 

Precious ruby liquid,

Falling from the wounds.

Drizzling icily down the skin,

Dripping off the edge.

 

Ruby liquid,

Falling to the ground.

The rose is capturing it,

Taking it as its own.

Luckily for her,

The blood keeps coming,

Feeding her precious rose.

 

It’s almost gone now,

Her veins almost run dry.

Little cold red water,

Flowing inside her.

Dragging her down with it.

Reviews

[Ethan Leon]

Ah, now I like this one, it reminds me of a sauve speech being given by someone in an Art Bar. It almost seems improvised, and has good taste.
Personally I would love to see this piece expanded, sort-of a prelude, and then the action sort of thing. Explain more about the meaning of the rose, why it matters, is it that the rose reminds one of beauty, or is it love, or is it pure something or another.
Also, I would love to learn more about the character of the girl through the content of the poem itself, not just what her actions are, but what forces her to condemn herself. Is it the fact that she feels the rose is more precious or amusing than her? Or does she just have a fascination with it that oversteps these boundaries?
At any rate, I hope my review has been helpful, or at least something close to helpful.
The best of luck on whatever you write next.


I think that although it is well written, and has a strong undertow of a theme, it just isn't complete without an in-depth character analysis. And leaving out such a thing can only hurt when it comes to

[Vampiregirl]

This really moved me.

[The Chimera]

This is pretty good, I've never heard of blood being described as ruby liquid. The idea of blood dripping into a rose has this desperately romantic feel to it, and at the same time it's dark. I love it.