The Receiving

Just ramblings I guess of a younger me making sense of the mess of a physical handicap, but then the beauty of that .... it's me!

I've never asked you lord why me,

just always accepting it to be,

for things do happen we can't explain,

so I just carried on playing life's game.

Looking, searching an answer find

  a fruitless quest that forever binds, 

days of questions in discontent,

endless circles and energies spent.

No good reason and nothing can do,

so why if you're comfortable and

  at peace with you?   

 

A regular schooling, 

a 'mainstream' life

  was my parent's wish, 

I wouldn't have wanted 

  it any other way, but 

  others' perceptions

  heavily weighed. 

Where do I fit in 

  with what I feel and 

  what has been?

 

Warring what's in my head and

  realities of what is real. 

Such conflict in my heart, 

how, just how to be a part? 

How do I connect the ends, 

how in feelings can I defend? 

To live this life, the realities, 

God given natural feelings

  not withheld,

my desire to them is to tell. 

 

So I bashed on from day to day,

yes disability got in the way, but

  I just did what I had to do

  to get me another day through, 

to make do with what I had, 

life was mine so just was glad, but

  there must be something 

  amongst this rubble, 

something peaceful 

  not set on trouble.   

 

What to do with this thing, 

  what will speak of me, 

beyond the things people see? 

Frustrations voiced in poetry. 

 

From the beginning it daily grows,

times spent in frustrations woe,

the way I am is the way I am, but 

  in Your heart there's still a plan. 

We're all handicapped of different kinds, 

body, character, maybe tortured mind, 

we never see what's held inside, and 

  what beauty we are denied, 

we all have things hidden away, 

that never see the light of the day. 

 

I’ve pondered in a bigger sense

  of disability’s why and

  what place it holds beneath

  your forever skies

As day by day life goes on, 

often just grateful for warming sun. 

I've wondered from time to time, and 

  this a little outspoken, 

You knew me before I was a blip, but

  why disability, and how 

  and who apportions it? 

 

Me? Unbreakable, 'strong as hell', 

always in independence yell, 

I power on by the year, but 

  not without constant fears. 

I'll get by, I always do, 

every day revealed in You. 

Daily I live within these confines, 

to find a kind of 'peace' that's mine. 

 

Is there a meaning in this design

  easier for me to find?

A purpose, something You want me to do

  for the time I have here with You?

For a word to say or point to make,

something from which others take?

A calling to me of which to heed,

to slow, look first, reduce 'my' speed, 

to look at my life and the You I need. 

 

I don’t need to know a reason

  as I stumble by the season,

for all is held within Your hand, just

  to stay in this peace, to understand.

You've given me life, You've lead me here,

there’s life, just to be free. 

 

Why me, but why not me?

the endless possibilities,

to trust this path ahead of me,

each day Your love to set me free.  

 

Through it all You've sheltered me

  with family, friends you helped me see

of love and caring family gave and with

  their guiding my life You saved.                

To teach of value of relationship within, 

to honour that love herein.  

Author's Note

After ten rewrites now and getting more to what I was feeling in a younger time. Please review and always interested and gratefully open to comments and suggestions.

Reviews

[Donna]

I like the rhymes and the words. You are right that we are all handicapped in different ways. It's so special that you are so close to your family! You are an amazing person Richard!

[Richard M]

Hi Donna
Thank you for reading and so much for your words to me (((HUGS))) xx
Take care my friend :)
Richard

[KAREN]

I enjoyed this poem. I can tell it was heartfelt and filled with emotion.

[Richard M]

Thank you Karen for reading. Yes, it was quite gruelling to write of things in the past, but cathartic!
Thanks for the stopping by
Richard

[KAREN]

You're welcome!

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I think this is very beautiful. It's filled with honest feeling and depth of the sort that most poetry I read here, sadly lacks. Your soul is shining through your poetry. I very much enjoyed the read. Bless. F.

[Richard M]

Thank you Fabian for reading.

[Louisa Chan]

This is a beautiful poem Richard!
Not only in literary sense - it's carefully crafted and flows smoothly (I have no idea how many hours you've spent on it); and the touching title "The Receiving"; but also how meaningful it is to write about your experience and your true feelings. It has so much depth in it, which I really appreciate. You name this "ramblings" but it takes years of experience through the hardships you've "come out of" (can I say that?) to be able to come to this reflection, revelation, and wisdom.

I particularly like these lines:
We're all handicapped of different kinds,

body, character, maybe tortured mind,

we never see what's held inside, and

what beauty we are denied....

Daily I live within these confines,

to find a kind of 'peace' that's mine. ...

A calling to me of which to heed,

to slow, look first, reduce 'my' speed,

to look at my life and the You I need.
********************************************************************************************************
How true it is - each of these lines!

I'm very glad to hear your voice through this poem and that you've found peace through this journey. May God and your friends and family shower you with love and peace every single moment.

Louisa

[Richard M]

Thank you Louisa for your beautiful words in reading, 'The Receiving.' There was so much going on in my heart in those days and I didn't know how to live a mainstream life and still be me. I so appreciate your understanding of this, and yes, you can say that!
Thank you also for for your personal words.
Thank you for stopping by.
Take care my friend and peace to you.
Richard

[Louisa Chan]

You're such a decent soul!
Thanks for your kindness : )