Reflections

Written sometime ago as another person. Those awful mirrors at the Gym, showing more of me than I'd like and self perception of my appearance. As I said, was written by me, at an earlier time.

I'm walking toward the mirror

  my image is staring at me,

every physical flaw and imperfection,

why is it this I always see?

This image always wearing thin,

a constant reminder of the

  broken body that I'm in,

this open and laboured gait

  so cumbersome and awkward to look at;

these are all pictures of me,

pictures of me I hate.

Still I'm walking toward that mirror, but

I notice my eyes look to the floor

  as if ashamed of my appearance,

in me I long to see something more!

 

As I pass by a shop window and

  I'm looking at what people might see,

these images are always confronting,

I feel discomfort at what I perceive.

How people cope with this image

  is the question of my days,

what do they think and how do they feel

  when they pass my way?

It's only a facade just masking who I am and

  hiding what's always there,

how should I feel and how should I act

  when a little child stares?

I understand their sense of wonder

  at something they've never known,

but I'm haunted by the pictures

  in their little minds sown.

I see their fingers pointing and

  sometimes hear their words,

but what do I do and what do I say

  when they pass my way?

It's hard not to recoil and feel shy,

because suddenly I've nowhere to run and 

  nowhere to hide.

 

But over time as I walk by that mirror   

  there's something else that I see,

although these images still follow

  there's something that speaks of me.

My eyes are looking up this time and

  they're staring straight ahead,

no longer seeing disfigurement,

but pride and resilience instead.

With facial features prominent,

muted by the glasses I wear,

I like to be well dressed and clean shaven,

distinguished through lack of my hair.

Strong in body, though slight in build,

no matter what the weather

  my spirit will always yield,

I'm a working man, experienced,

evidenced by the sight of my scar,

determined to go the distance,

for the road before me is far.

 

Who cares what people might think,

for a meeting is only a moment in time,

they only see the outside,

but inside is where I'm defined.

God has planted a spirit inside me,

my mother gave me birth,

this body will speak of who I am

  for the years I have upon this earth;

not for what people can see, but of endurance,

longsuffering and more,

things that speak of me as me,

for inside is wealth in store. 

 

My parents didn't raise me

  to have me fear and

  not love the person I am,

they brought me up to live strong,

step out and take on every challenge I can.

I love the person that I am and

  this love starts from within, 

for I have to love me for me,

before anyone else can. 

For this love starts within me and

  it alone will carry me through,

awareness and acceptance of things that are,

an understanding made new.

 

Though in this body,

not of God's design,

He has a plan for me and

  for this life of mine.

His love for me is big enough you see

  to hold my every restlessness,

frustration and doubt,

to hold my every need.

 

So as I look into that mirror

  I look into my soul,

still in this broken body,

but in His Grace made whole.

Reviews

[Onlyme]

Richard, you really spoke from the heart, mind and soul. And your spirit shone throughout. Richard, you are a blessing to us all on writerscafe for being you. You let people actually see inside YOU And how you felt. And what was going on for you? Bless you Richard you poem really touched me inside. And made me feel such compassion and love and understanding for you.

[Richard M]

Dear Dee Happy tears here for your beautiful words on my poem, thank you so much (((HUGS))) It was a little grating to write and, I guess, raw to read, but something I needed to get out at that time. My counsellor at the time, thought it a good thing to write out my thoughts. She helped me to see a different side of who I am, beyond disability(beginning third stanza.) Thank you again dear friend for your review and personal comments, am so touched! xx

[Lea Sheryn]

It seems we are always over critical about ourselves and feel other people see the same things we do. Your words certainly strike a chord. I've felt both good and bad about myself at different times in life. I'm sure we have all felt the same. Thank you for putting it into words.

[Richard M]

Thank you for reading Sheryn

[Lea Sheryn]

You're welcome, Richard.

[h d e rushin]

Dearest: Americans are swollen. And in their frenzy to be other than themselves, they take selfies with misty filters (some with bunny ears) to show their friends on FACEBOOK that the world of excess that has consumed all of us, somehow has spared them. And that is why poetry is so important. It is like the bathrooms on a combat ship where the urinals and the shower stalls have no doors that might fling open in a storm to show just how much we are all the same: frightened, alone, vulnerable, excessive, carping, broken yet still capable of feeling the warmth of the sun or anticipating the changing of the seasons. Poems make a hero out of all of us. great poem...dana

[Richard M]

Thank you so much Dana for your words and thoughts. So glad you like it! Just the way I felt at the time (2006.) I just feel, if we feel pain, etc. we need to get it out. For me, writing was one. Thank you again for your insightful words.
Take care my friend :)

[Martin See]

Thank you so much for sharing such a vulnerable part of your human experience, I suffer from social anxiety a couple of years back and I could totally relate to how you think and feel others might judge physical appearance. There's an element of poor self image which I constantly battle with and I do and try so much to hide it. We are told to be strong, act strong, don't show your hurts, vulnerabilities, fears as men and living in Australia. My male mates put on that silly "macho bullshit" persona when inside they are scared, worried, frightened and insecure. I think you're very brave and courageous to write this excellent poem to show others that real men also go through such fears about self image. I truly appreciate that in the middle and towards the end, there's positivity and light shining through that the "self talk" has made you realise that there's is much goodness, beauty and strength despite our human imperfections. YOU MADE MY DAY Mate! Keep writing!

[Richard M]

Thank you Martin so much for your words and encouragement. Thank you also for sharing a little of your story. That too is brave! I've never had a problem with expressing what's 'emotionally' inside. Why? If that's the way I/you/we feel, then just Speak Up and Speak Out! I don't really go with this 'manly' persona. In fact, the emotional element of my handicap is, these days for me, more than the physical element. Thanks again for reading. Take care

[Martin See]

You're most welcome. It's a pleasure to read and connect with someone.

[Chris Shaw]

This is so uplifting to read Richard, because there are so many, many people who have problems with their body image. It is the person inside that matters, that is what counts and we must never forget that. There is such strength here in your words Richard. Many will be able to gain strength from reading this poem. Well done.

Chris

[Richard M]

Thank you Chris for your words, but was quite a journey emotionally and psychologically to get to that point, and bought to light with the help of my councillor at the time. But yes, a journey to get to a better place! Thank you always for your friendship and encouraging words.

[Tara Marie]

I love love love this poem. It was almost like sitting in church. Where the sermon being said. Was through the preacher was speaking directly to me. Wait wait don't get me wrong. In way shape or form. Did I feel like I was being scorned. But through your ever loving spirit. My story was told. Never in a million years. Could I tell it so well. But right on this page. The words u used just jumped out at me. Without skipping a beat. But I've learned that's a part of what poetry is all about. I want to thank you. Once again so warmly. For sharing your words so calmly.

Now please take care. Until we meet again my new friend

Tara Mariel

[Richard M]

Hi Tara, So glad you like my poem, but was anything but calm in writing it! Written 12 yrs ago, and something I needed to get out at the time. Thank you my new friend for being so positive toward it.

[Tara Marie]

No problem and you're welcome.
take care,
Tara

[sette]

the profound meaning of the life we have,,, that is the reason why we have a lot of questions that needs answers.

[Richard M]

Thank you Sette for reading :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Powerful flow of thoughts led to proper ending.
"So as I look into that mirror
I look into my soul,
still in this broken body,
but in His Grace made whole."
The above lines. Is life journey. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Richard M]

Thank you Coyote for your touching words.

[Coyote Poetry]

Was my pleasure Richard and you are welcome.

[moog-drika]

Mirror certainly shows you what you want to see yourself about your appearance, yet dissatisfaction, self loathe come and go and end up bringing your eyelids down. But the fruit of work, the fruit of experience definitely give you a boost that make you feel a much stronger being that ever. Every line of this write shows the journey of most of the people, including me who are having issues with their own reflection. Such a great write indeed.

[Richard M]

Thank you dear friend for your beautiful words and understanding. A situation I needed to write at that time and get out,but so glad I did, grating to write, raw to read. Thank you for listening to my soul (((HUGS))) x

[moog-drika]

I know. I'm yet to get out of the situation you are talking about. It's absolutely understandable. Thanks for sharing this :'D

[Richard M]

Thinking of you. Take care my new found friend :)

[moog-drika]

ahaha sure :'D