"My Shoes"

My thoughts I had to let out.

“My Shoes”

 

I’m shouting out screaming out. I’m begging on my knees

Oh Dear God please help me out. Take this all away. Take this pain and take this fear.

 Wash my hands and take this sin. Cleanse me from this mess I’m in.

I've lost my way every day, slipping further from where I came.

I cannot find where to go. I try so hard to find that light.

I try so hard to tell myself that thing will be alright.

 

Oh Dear God please tell me you can hear me. I’m crawling in the dark.

I cannot see what you see and my friends they cannot feel what I feel

For if they did maybe they would understand the way I am.

Why I say the things I say, and why it is I’m always tired.

They would find out it’s because I cry and cry before I go to sleep

But before I go to sleep I always start to think and when I think I start to weep

And when the tears stop coming down my dry eyes are forced to close

And even then in my dreams I cannot turn it off

 

I often wonder why it is I feel this weight, why on my shoulders it chooses to take its seat.

No one bleeds the same blood. No one has the same things to go through.

It’s inhumane to tell someone to not complain.

Suffering is suffering and pain cannot be compared.

Do not bring the orchestra out. There is no need to play me a sad song.

Just don’t tell me it’s not so bad.

 

Don’t you dare tell me to walk in someone else’s shoes

Because I have to walk in the shoes already on my feet.

They’re double knotted and one size too tight and my god they are not coming off.

I have the life I have and I have the pain I have. All my problems their only mine

So I’ll keep trudging through this trail but

Oh Dear God it’d sure be nice if you could give me just one good sign.

 

-A.M.

 

 

 

Reviews

[Bradley]

I really like the shoe imagery. It was a great choice to convey the "trapped in yourself" feeling. I also liked the repetition of "Oh Dear God." Repetition is a very powerful tool.

A couple criticisms for you: I loved the rhyming in the first few lines, but then it just stopped. Maybe it was by design though, I don't know. Also, I think you should challenge yourself to break the poem up into stanzas. A break in the lines gives the reader a split second extra to let a line sink into their brain. They also get a chance to breath or sigh or gasp or whatever else you want to create. You don't have to do it every 4 lines or anything regular like that. Just try to read your poem from the perspective of someone who can't share your thoughts. We all need a little more time to process.

As far as content, well, I read 3 of your poems now and it sounds like you are in a bleak spot. I've been there. Keep writing. Writing is your voice.

[SpeakingWords]

Thanks a lot! I'll really take all of this in thought. I'm still trying to figure out how to find a rhythm when I write, so it is definitely something I need to work on.