Embracing Shadows

I'm about as unexperienced as they come... I wrote this quickly and I know it sucks... So yeah...

For the past several years

I’ve wreaked of desperation

Clinging to the worst thoughts

To avoid devastation

 

I trek through unreasonable thoughts

Irrational, to say the least

Pounding through veins throughout my body

Screaming for me to let out the beast

 

A social pariah’s the only life I know

Any other almost seems absurd

Since no one cares I scream my loudest

I’ll again go unheard...

 

They tell me to "live long and prosper"

But doesn’t that require strength?

A needed trait I seem to lack

I’ll never pass my timid length

 

I hide behind shutters and sit in the dark

Working up strength to embrace the sun

I start to slowly lift up the blinds

But realize the dark is where I belong

 

After careful consideration

I find my place

Behind my mask of shadows

So no one sees my face

 

This words in this probably seem forced

You say there is no meaning

But the ignorant never understand

How deep their brother’s bleeding

Author's Note

I suck. Never done this before... This is kind of just so ppl know I exist in the world. Any tips appreciated. Like I said, I suck. Maybe, just maybe, I could at least improve slightly.

Reviews

[Tony Williams]

also, 14 is a good age to start. You've warranted a subscription.

[Tony Williams]

It is truly rare to see someone articulate the idea of light being negative and dark being positive. Personally, I thinks it is more philosophically sound. I like the ABCB scheme.
Criticism: some cliches like "social pariah" and "for the past several years" can be reinvented and tailored for your work.

[RetroVertigo]

The dark definitely seems to do you well. You are apparently finding brilliant things within it. Don't stop writing dude! Contrary to your claim of sucking, you are very tallented. 14 years old!!!!! I can't believe it!!

[iKidAstro]

Nice I liked it, and you don't suck at all

[Lumière Dé..]

-Sigh- just love the star-trek quote in there

[DealWithIt]

It doesn't suck. I think the portayal and wordplay is clever. Also, yes this does resemble average teen angst, but with more depth and dimension. Making it stand out in the otherwise depressing generic influx.

In other words, it's actually really good. Keep working. My only thing is take your time.. but I love the last stanza about the "words seeming forced."

[Sophie]

I love this so much. Amazing, and beautiful and just wow. I can relate, but you put it in such beautiful words.... amazing. I love the second-to-last stanza. The rhyme scheme is excellent, I always have trouble keeping to a rhyme scheme, sometimes I manage though. Amazing, I'm favorite-ing this.