Wanderings

The wandering of one's soul.

How does one decide to move on? Change has always been a hard choice for me, as I would always become so emotionally attached to any stable thing in my life, at least the good ones.

She pulled the smoothly carved boat across to the river side, and leaned against it with all her weight in reluctance. The cave ahead poured this chilling breeze that flung right by her sides, trying to push right through her body, cave its’ way through the obstacle. Drifting across with the unforgiving wind this lulling presence seemed to smooth away her reluctance, not deceive her, but rather comfort her, reassure her of the intentions she bluntly arrived here for. 

Why is it she can make out another voice? Why is it dragging on her? Why is it pinning her down to the ground? She couldn’t tell what it was desperately trying to get across, this lonely voice clinging to her clothes, her skin trying to tear her away and grab her back.

I came here to move, I’ve finally managed to build my resolve in order to move, not to forget, but to start anew and play by another story, to die and wither away unchanged or to get lost and not make sense of anything surrounding me, whatever I’m awarded with beyond this cave.

She pushed the boat with all the strength remaining in her feeble arms, shaking with all they had left, and flung her body inside the boat grabbing the oars and settling across the wooden board. She rowed and rowed until she couldn’t make out where she entered from, until her past reluctance seemed ages ago and the desperate voice lost all power over her. 

The walls emanating this ancient chilling breeze, gathering power over the millenia, she could feel the fossilized rocks harbouring the strength within them, she could feel the relentless, burdening drag of all the years, the ages past, almost as if she was moments away from being pushed and ground one with the rock. As if the very hand of God was pressing on her soul. The heaviness procured an otherworldly sensation, along with it she felt flooded by so much knowledge, rushing through her like the river, like the ever changing, ever restless water, weaving and turning through her whole being. Like some trip gone wrong, edging too far on the psychedelic and thrusting too much into, upon and all around her brain, such a threatening pressure began pushing against her skull regardless of the fact that she wasn't going downstream. She never considered claustrophobia, but these caves where haunted by a continuous lingering breeze, refreshing her all the more to cope with the journey. 

The pressure was edying onto its' peak when creepingly, twinkling ever so slightly, she could make out these little, hallowed lights as beacons of hope; or rather calling for steadfast awareness? Tones of amethyst and sapphire and ruby they were, gleaming and glittering to their hearts' content, seemingly unaware of the outside world, as if in a private little concert of their own. All of the burdening pain from beforehand was now smoothly rubbed out, eased through and pulled out. Steadily the glittering would group up in bigger clumps until the whole ceiling of the cave was shining lit by a thousand maybe a hundred separate jewels, each with a radiance and possibly even unique soul of its' own. Within the depths of time any forsaken knowledge is as real and cold and rough as these caves clad in heavy rock.

The river whistled slowly right in the middle of the ethereal painting sprinkled on the rock above her head, it eased the rush of the boat to a smooth lull, rocking left and right against the narrow bedding laid in this majestic hall. She even fancied she could see a kingly throne far off across the left wall, carved in the stone and laid to rest until the coming of its' king aproacheth well on nigh. Alas, the hall didn't run on forever, she felt her spirits lifted for a while, as if she wasn't condemned but making herself a favour. The last twinkling star, the brightest most vibrant one left among its' kin glimmered right at the top of the exit, she reckoned its' due was farewell to all passers-by, gliding right on by to God knows where, their doom, their rescue. A wholesome feeling of sorrow crept across her heart, like a quivering shadow stepping on feeble land, as if the blues would dash in right by and sweep the cave with her sadness. Alas, things don't last forever.

Returned into the aforementioned darkness, rowing straight ahead and yet weaving by corners, she felt thrust into the same endless quest though bereft of the pressure, it withered away. Why has she been keeping her eyes open all this time in complete darkness? Yet she could still see as if light shone on through, and yet shone with darkness; she couldn't explain it to herself but it seemed as logical as water is wet and the sun is warm. Frustrated she shut her eyes and rowed like a machine welcoming the onset of whatever fate has in store for her.

Then she felt a peculiar warmth across her face, flickering across her eyes as the boat rocked on the water. She opened her eyes and stared right ahead, this thin ribbon of light made its way through a wall of rock where the river made for a sharp turn to the left. The ribbon danced and fluttered in the air, with a sort of weightless dexterity that had some gravity or rather physical form to it, as if you could reach and touch it. She rowed and got to the bank by the river, jumped out of the boat and hesitated in front of the light. It called to her, when another golden light burst through the cracks some metres away on the right, heading to the opposite direction of the river where it ran and then plunged downwards to some hidden falls from which no sound emerged. If a while ago she would've ran carefree to her death, at this present moment her resolve wavered. For some unknown reason she felt a purpose grow within her, a calling that would shame her to turn down. The kind when every one of us feel this unrelenting will to do something and would degrade ourselves if we would shun it completely.

What more was there to think about? She carried on forward, allowing it to lead her, ribbon after ribbon endlessly carrying her away. Whenever she'd look back she would only see the lingering ribbons resting behind her, so she carried on until an exit cared to reveal itself. Faint at first, but unmistakeably present as the path shortened. Yet the same gleaming star marked the exit for her, blue and gold intertwined and riveting marking her passage and journey, guiding her quest. 

Before she walked out the cave she couldn't remember seeing a certain landscape, or ground, or sky anything specific of what was out there, just a brilliantly bright light shining inside. Nor could she look back into the cave, as once she left it and turned back it wasn't there anymore, no gushing breeze, no chilling stones, lest she recalled it all inside her mind. A sudden burst of such vivid green and such strong blue and the painful yellow of the sun all piercing through her eyes. So she looked forward and beheld a wide extent of land, surrounded by encompassing mountains and thick forests spread here and there cleaved by another rushing river tumbling down the golden valleys, finally reaching this village or a city? It confounded her how in tune with nature this gathering of stone buildings rested atop the rocky hills, but of all those buildings, majestic of all sat the castle. Carved deeply into the side of the mountain, on the right woven near the wide river with a dangerous waterfall diving downwards, plummeting to its' ravaging fall. As the castle sat atop the hills against the wall of the mountain, it also happened to have a rocky descent on the left, both these extremities surrendered to the castle this devoted obedience and beauty, which offered it a most kingly ascendancy and power. 

Author's Note

It's still in progress so the ending will obviously change, and this isn't a story that stands on its' own as I'm planning to write more. Just wondering how I'm doing so far.