Unmovable

She wears a vail of autum leaves

She is adorned in rays of the glorious sun

Her arms the branches, soaking it all in

Her core being, a pillar of strength

Her feet planted, toes rooted

She is rooted deeply, an unmovable foundation

 

A storm rises

It pushes and pulls

It kicks and punches

It howls and wails

 

She still stands, unmovable

 

Reviews

[David Scott]

I like the feminine here. I usually see the big strong tree as masculine and the willows and aspens as feminine. Yet here, I love the idea of a woman's strength being like an great Sequoia. Throughout history women have had to bear the test of time. They stay fast and "hold the farm", or deal with burying the dead. They have to stand the storms of mankind's dispassions.
In short, I loved the strong message to women in this uncomplicated presentation.

[M Sanders]

It is interesting to me that you would mention the great Sequoias because in truth that was the image that was so profound to me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this with me:)

[David Scott]

Ha! Yes, this poem felt much like the words of John Muir to me. I instantly saw this picture when I read your poem.

[M Sanders]

Awesome:)

[Brandon S. Whitten]

A splendid expression of her heart and soul. Well done.

[M Sanders]

Thank you

[Emily B]

I like this. I would polish it a little more to make it really shine. My eyes tell me that yshe wears a veil and not a vail. My ears tell me it would be tighter like this

She wears a veil of autumn leaves
adorned in rays of glorious sun.
Her arms are branches
reaching to the Universe.
She is a pillar of strength
feet planted, toes rooted.
An unmovable foundation.

the next stanza and final line are strong, strong, strong

[M Sanders]

Thank you for your thoughts, I agree with the spelling error and will make that change. Though I value you thoughts and opinion I would disagree the changes you suggest I feel changes the essences of my work

Her reaching to the universe, I feel loses the fact that she draws her strength from rays of the sun, the light (hence soaking it in). Her core being, is intended to establish heart and soul. I hope you understand where I am coming from. I thank you so much for looking into my work.

[Emily B]

peace

[unsavable_soul]

M Sanders,
Most excellent work of art,
The ever tugging theme between potentially a tree and a woman I can't be sure which it is meant to convey, I like that. Very powerful mental imagery as well. I felt it most here...

"A storm rises
It pushes and pulls
It kicks and punches
It howls and wails"

This above paragraph is wonderfully vague in the sense of a storm or a he. I have to say I am impressed it usually takes me much more to convey so much, yet your piece conveys such strong ideas for it's reader. This is quite the read. My emotions drop at the ending where I think to myself she/it is still there and then comes the thoughts that lead me wandering,(in a good way.)
How often are these storms?
What will the tree/she do next time?

There is plenty of profoundness to be had here if one bothers to search their mental images and ideas. Magnifique
Thanks for the request, please keep these coming...
Sincerely
Christopher

P.s. I must apologize for the delay, I have been doing many things. I always try to get around to any requests I receive, we must all make time for new readers, I am still kind of one.

[unsavable_soul]

I may have a possible error if your interested?

[M Sanders]

Interested

[M Sanders]

Thank you so much for taking the time to give me your opinion. I find this kind of feedback so beneficial and to know that it can stem to such deep thought. Awesome ;)

[Just Kim]

A mighty old oak tree, or love can feel this way at times.
One stays and stands tall while the other gives up.

I like this leaves you pondering

[M Sanders]

Thanks