Lost Flower - Chapter 4

I slowly walk to Ellen and lightly pull her uniform. She turns around to face me and her smile instantly disappears when she sees me. A very worried look takes it's place. Her dark eyes widen as she grabs the sides of my face. "Jamie, what happened to you?"
"Does it look that bad?"
"Yes! What happened?"
"I... Fell..."
"Then why is your face red like it was slapped? And is that... Blood in the corner of your mouth?"
"I bit my tongue while falling." I'm not saying anything that isn't true. I technically did fall and I probably bit my tongue or something. I'm not even 100% sure what happened.
"Stick it out..." I do as she says and she sighs. "To your room. Now."
"But I have to see Mel..."
"We'll talk about that too."

We entered my room. Ellen closed the door behind us. "Take your clothes off...", she says, turning the sink on.
Sigh... "I can't."
"Look, I'm not interested in your naked body, trust me."
"No, not that. I really can't. I'm too tired to move my hands the way I'm supposed to. Plus, I'm hurt."
She rolls her eyes and grabs the hem of my shirt. "Hands up..." I do as she says and she takes my shirt off. A few seconds later the bottom part of my pajamas is off too.
"Now I'm cold..."
"I'll do it quickly, don't worry." She helps me get to the sink. She washes the small trail of blood in the corner of my mouth. "Now the rest of you..." She checks every part of my body, looking for blood or injuries. "Well, it's good that you only have bruises. One on your left shoulder and another on that arm. And one on your left hip. It's all on the left side, so you weren't beaten, I guess. This was probably from a fall. But please explain your face." I sit on my bed and roll myself in the warm blanket. We stare at each other for a few seconds.
"I fell twice. Once was on my face."
"You sure you didn't fall three times? Because both of your cheeks are red. Stop lying and tell me."
"I'm not lying!"
"I guess if you say so... No point in arguing with any of the kids from here."
"Ellen, can I ask you something?"
"Sure, kiddo. What is it?"

"Am I... Crazy?"

She sighs and shakes her head, as if she refuses to answer. "I have something I'd like to ask you. And it might be important..." She pokes my nose and I giggle like I usually do. Ellen starts do dress me back in my pajamas and then sits next to me. "Yesterday you... I saw you... Uhm... How can I ask this properly?"
"Ask me anything. I promise I won't get angry, because I do not have problems with controlling my anger." I perfectly remember all the things Samuel said were wrong with me... I'm starting to doubt that they might be true...
"Well, do you remember when yesterday you said goodnight to Melissa?"
"So what? I do that every night."
"Yes, but while I was closing the window, you tried to... Kiss her?"
I bite my lower lip, quickly turning my face away from hers. My eyebrows lowering and my breathing becoming quicker, I clench my fists.
"Jamie? Sweetie, I could be wrong. I'm just asking, were you?"
"Why? So you can add that to the list of things that are wrong with me?"
"No, I was just curi-"
"Schizophrenia. Hearing voices. Not being able to focus on one topic. Anger problems. And now you can add... Incest."
She strokes my not-injured shoulder. "Do you like being angry?"
"No. I hate it. But you guys always... You always...", a tear slides down my cheek.
"Then talk with me. That's a great way to fight anger..."
I turn to her and hug her, crying my eyes out. "It's not fair! I don't want to be her brother! I hate being related to her!"
"It's okay... Everything's going to be okay..."
"No it's not! I'm in a m-mental hospital! I'm obviously crazy! I love my sister! I... I love my twin sister... Incest is a h-horrible sin!"
"Come on, love isn't a sin..."
"No, but I'm going to hell for it! Or, I don't know - a mental hospital! Oh look, I'm already here!"
She continues stroking my back. "You can use your time here to be cured. You don't need to resist when we give you medicine, or yell at anyone that tries to help you..."
"But I don't want to be helped! I don't need to be helped! I need to die!"
"Don't say that. A lot of people would miss you..."
"Who? Samuel, maybe?"
"Melissa, your grandparents, Dean, me..."
"That's five people! Only five people would care!" I get up, wiping my face with the blanket. "And I'm pretty sure my grandparents wouldn't even care enough to come to the funeral! Not to mention the other people who would throw parties!"
"Jamie, that's not true. You're a wonderful person. Well you are once people get to know you."
"Wouldn't it be easier if I just jumped off the roof?"
"Yes it would. But you would never see your sister again. And she would die from sadness."
"People don't just die from sadness, Ellen..."
"They do. And I'm sure she's one of those people. You too. Before your parents' death, you didn't have any problems. You were normal kids living normal lives. And suddenly, after the accident she starts imagining that she's a professional dancer? Did you ever wonder why? Maybe because the sadness was way too much for her to handle. All the dancers she sees on TV - they're all always happy. Her mind thinks 'Maybe if I were a dancer I would be happy too'. And she gets schizophrenia. Then when she leaves, you're left alone. No parents, no sister... You feel angry."
"I didn't feel angry, that's a lie."
"Don't lie. Then you feel sad. Then you hear someone talking to you. Why? Maybe cause you're so alone. And then you get here too. And not one of you thinks there's something wrong with them. Why? Because it's 'happier' this way. And what do you think would happen if one of you ended up without the other one?"
I blankly stare at her, trying to understand all of that. "I... I need to pee."
"I can 100% say that you can't focus on anything! Come on... I'll take you."
I take her hand and start walking to the bathroom. I'm not crazy... I just know it. I do not have schizophrenia... I just can't. The things Samuel said can't be true...

Right?

Author's Note

ignore grammar problems, please review.