Summer Camp Blues

Why I am passionate about anti-bullying

The summer after my fourteenth birthday

I worked for six (broken up) weeks

In an old-fashioned summer camp

I was thrilled to volunteer

Even if it was just in the bathrooms

I wanted away from my mother

(We didn't always get along)

And the rest of my family

Just for a little while

Anything would be better

Than being stuck at home all summer

Right?

And so I arrived with anticipation

The first girl I saw (Amanda was her name)

I had known in years past as a camper

Relief flooded my thrumming heart

(I didn't want to admit I was scared)

We had the same jobs, schedules, etc.

I was so happy to find a friend

Immediately though I began to realize

That I didn't quite fit in here

I did my hair and wore my makeup

And dressed like a normal young girl

Perhaps out of jealousy,

Or the belief that I was a w***e

(For wearing shorts above my knees)

Most of the girls didn't talk to me

The second day I called my mom

(Yes, the one I hated)

And asked if I could please come back

I don't like this place anymore, Mom

The girls aren't very nice (the boys are though)

I don't really like it here

"Stay the rest of the week.

You don't have to go back next time."

I tried my best to still hate her,

But I failed pretty badly.

And so I stayed that week,

And I met a lot of new friends.

Kenny, Matt, Daniel, Seth,

They adored me and I loved them.

Things were looking up.

I was quickly scolded

And told that after-hours for staff

(when we could relax together)

Weren't allowed any more

I was being a distraction for the boys

And had to stop my behavior

"Wear more clothes"

(Am I not wearing clothes?)

"Wear the RIGHT clothes"

(My mom thinks it's okay)

"Well guess what cupcake?

It's not."

Okay.

My mother said,
"It can't be that bad, really.

They just want you to focus

On all the work you have to do."

But later that year

She worked with those people

For a mere 3 days

And apologized to me

Because they "truly were awful."

The other girls continued to ignore me

So most nights I would gather my things

Head outside the cabin

And sit until everyone else was asleep

Then I would sneak back in

Curl up, and fall asleep

One night I woke up

At 2:30 in the morning

Freezing cold and sore

No one knew I had been outside

No one knew I was there

No one cared if I slept on the porch

I became a no one

Amanda abandoned me

She worked 2 weeks that year

One at the beginning of the summer

One at the end

I worked every day for 6 weeks

Without taking a break or resting

Until the last week

2 days that week I took a nap

Because I couldn't feel my hands

Or my legs

Or my feet

Or my heart

Amanda likened me to a drone bee

That is lazy and useless

That does nothing for the hive

My heart hurt a lot then

Throughout all of camp

One woman loved me

Aletha was her name

She had one green eye, one brown eye,

And the most beautiful smile I've ever seen.

She encouraged me and talked

As though I was a normal person

She became my lifeline

Every time I was in a room

I became anxious when she wasn't there

As soon as I would see her again

My heart would settle

One day I saw her across the road

And my heart fluttered strangely

Butterflies flitted around my stomach

What a strange feeling

Later in life I recognized

That feeling as a crush

A 14-year-old girl in love

With a 22-year-old woman?

Perhaps not.

But she was my only constant

In that hellish summer camp

She even saved me once

I had worn a pair of short shorts

To the bathroom late at night

On the girls side of camp

To brush my teeth before bed

The next morning I was told

That "someone" was going to be in trouble

For dressing inappropriately

But Aletha had stepped in

And talked them out of scolding that "person"

(Cue raised eyebrows in my direction)

I grew to love her fiercely

And perhaps in that love

There was some confusion

Boys weren't allowed to talk to me

Not any more

Not there at camp

I was afraid to talk to boys

For fear of more scolding

So I didn't talk to them

I didn't talk to other girls much

Because they weren't so friendly

So I talked to Aletha

(Though I didn't tell her my pains)

I hugged her once on the last day

And talked to her twice after camp

But she had her life and I had mine

And she was an adult for Christ's sake

I never saw her again

But I never forgot about her

Her kindness and her love

Her simple guidance

("You may want to change...

Or they'll not be pleased.")

The way she treated me like a person

I was a person, Amanda.

I was a person, Becca.

I was a person, Mrs. Ransom.

I was a person, Mr. Ransom.

I was a person, Sarah.

I was a person.

I am a person.

Author's Note

I know it's not formatted very well, so I apologize. Any feedback would be welcome.