Friendship

Make what you will of it. I'm stepping out of the box! Thanks!

I can still
see the beginning,
     the first kiss:
my hands,
your hair,
the gentle fullness
     of your lips,
our friends asleep,
clueless,
unwary,
     and ignorant–
as blind
as we were
in that dimmest of rooms

When I think
back
on the very
     first time
we made love–
     air mattress
creaking,
moonlight seeping
through
     cracked curtains,
the dusty books
and filthy piled
     laundry
of your crowded room–
     I see the
beauty of our adventure,
     of my life,
     the mess and
the meaning
 

Author's Note

All thoughts are welcome. Thanks a lot.

Reviews

[Emily B]

Doug, I'm so proud of you. These words are amazing. You were challenged to reach in and find something of your own and write about it. Those formal structures that we learn as novice poets are comforting but I think there is a certain 'power' to letting our words loose the way you have here. You are embarking on a great adventure, savor it.

[Ed Hart]

nice and concise your own self...and, thanks for the (old) memories...and, out of the box is where it's at...ed

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

De;ighfully captured moment. Vivid imagery that is captivating to the reader. Well done. Thank you for sharing your talent.
Light,
Siddartha

[The Viking]

Very stream of consciousness with vivid images. Takes me back to high school. Air mattresses suck, always sliding everywhere and deflating....etc. Anyways, I like how you use an innocent high school love story to explain a greater topic of devotion and friendship. In some respects, I think we were a lot wiser back then.

[Ezira Kardtman]

Aw, Doug, how great and wretched life is...
I liked this, you really just vented, which is the basis of the best poetry written.
Miss you, Mr. I'm-a-cool-member-of-the-Titan-marching-band. haha. Hope everything is going great.

[Christopher Michael Smi..]

nice picture of your emotions there. i like its structure as well. i will surely be reading more of your work.
in the war of words and freedoms,
(eye)

[Celtic Cat]

Oh I love it. Nostalgia gets me every time. I like your style in this piece, it's great. funny.... I keep running into pieces on this topic today. An excellent piece, I really enjoyed it.

[Spoken]

this emerses me in my own memory almost describing to a tee a special moment in my life. special because it was a symbol of innocence and learning and exploring..

I agree with Em, great free form structure. perfect for the words chosen and words perfect for the feeling conveyed.