Friendship

Make what you will of it. I'm stepping out of the box! Thanks!

I can still
see the beginning,
     the first kiss:
my hands,
your hair,
the gentle fullness
     of your lips,
our friends asleep,
clueless,
unwary,
     and ignorant–
as blind
as we were
in that dimmest of rooms

When I think
back
on the very
     first time
we made love–
     air mattress
creaking,
moonlight seeping
through
     cracked curtains,
the dusty books
and filthy piled
     laundry
of your crowded room–
     I see the
beauty of our adventure,
     of my life,
     the mess and
the meaning
 

Author's Note

All thoughts are welcome. Thanks a lot.

Reviews

[Emily B]

Doug, I'm so proud of you. These words are amazing. You were challenged to reach in and find something of your own and write about it. Those formal structures that we learn as novice poets are comforting but I think there is a certain 'power' to letting our words loose the way you have here. You are embarking on a great adventure, savor it.

[Amy Whetzell]

Beautiful! I had the words I wanted to review with, and they've just escaped my mind. But thank you so much for sharing. Loved it!

[Arly Parent]

I really liked this. It tells the story the way it should be told. The last line though:"...I see the beauty...of my life, the mess and the meaning" ...Damn man. Haha. That got me. Definitely. Nice Job

[Clarisse Nanoit]

Amazing. I absolutely adore the story this tells! Kristin Brecoe was right when she said I'd love, assuming it is I she was referring to in HER review. ;) The very last lines are my favorite:
"I see the
beauty of our adventure,
of my life,
the mess and
the meaning"
The Mess and The Meaning. I think it would make an excellent title. Perhaps not for this piece (I don't like titles that are just pulled from the poem... almost seems lazy to me! lol) but for a piece with that same meaning, just without stating it. Like, a piece about a similar situation where something special, if not perfect, occurs. I don't know how, exactly, to put into words what I mean, but I think you get it. lol. Anyway, great piece. The imagery is absolutely enchanting!
KH

[JohnL]

The vertical, columnar form of this is just right to express in short sharp phrases the passing of time during and between these events. And who's to know how long the time was and thus, how high the column.
Well written, and honestly introspective. Greatly enjoyed.

[Gypsy Willow]

It's a beautiful poem Doug. Bravo! :o) You've grown so much as a writer and a person, it's unbelievable! I can't wait to read more!

[TL Boehm]

ah there is true beauty in this piece, that organic blend of mess and meaning eloquently conveyed. I 've missed your writing. peace.

[Kristin Brecoe]

beautiful. i gotta send this to a friend. she'd love it. =] im stuck at beautiful. i'll have to read it again later when i've got more brain cells in me! =]

[aponijose]

The "gentle fullness" of your words are very powerful. I think that the way you bottled up this emotional storm is done quite well. I love the entire thought of it. After all, the best friendships or love affairs are the ones that wouldn't mind the hair sticking out of your a*s or the scent of menthol cigarettes covering your breath.

[Robert Luna]

I love your story telling abilities. You always provide such a wonderful assortment of details to bring the words to actual life. Seeing them being acted out there in front of me with the clarity I so love from your writing. You allow us as the reader to dwell in your words but also leave enough out to give our own imaginations the chance to envision a deeper story that lies there in between the words that are written. You are always such a pleasure to read and have rolling around in my head for a bit.


Great Job!!!!!

[Brendan Moulton]

This is definately something I wanted to read about! Well done! It flowed very well and you did a very good job of painting a very solid picture with very few words.