Autumn Rain

I went back to, as [she] said, it's of the "rambling poetry which wasn't really that so much as a string of statements lacking punctuation or sentence structure" category. 7 Sep 2007

i know i'll live, love,
but that doesn't mean it's easy
without you -
you taught me how to care,
taught me how to love,
gave me everything to lose.

there's not a moment without you
i don't miss you terribly,
you're always on my mind
day and night, and no matter what i say
i'm never really okay.

i always look for you in the crowd,
can't let go of the memory of
how we once loved each other
there's nothing left but tears
no matter how they say to move on
and how they try to make me hate you.

the warmth in winter, the books and songs
i gave them all to you, and then i
gave you my soul, because nothing else
was good enough for the girl i loved.

now there's something in my heart that i can't
let fall away; you're the only one
i've let in, and even
when you're gone, you're still the only one.

i love you, and miss you,
and i know it's asking a lot
but all i want is to love you
like you're meant to be loved,
like i wish i'd loved you sooner...
and i know that i already do,
but for me, i think it's too late.

i know i'll live, love,
but sometimes i wish i wouldn't
without you -
you taught me how to weep,
taught me true pain
gave me everything i've lost.

i have nightmares of a world devoid
of your smile, your laugh and your voice
for better or for worse, and dreams put me
back in your arms, make me forget the pain,
but every morning it comes rushing back
to haunt my conscious and waking dreams.

so now i'm without you,
back to where i started, except
i can now mourn losing you,
crying as your tailights fade into the night.

you taught me how to care,
taught me how to love,
gave me everything to lose.
regretting what i never said,
still disbelieving that you've shut me out,
still loving you with everything i am.