Maybe This Time

A short story about old love and why it's truly gone.

Maybe This Time

Day 7:

Steven flinched and his shoulders sank when Cara came up next to him and sat on the couch wearing only a cozy robe. Their conversation had been easier than Cara had imagined and very necessary. She faced towards him and outstretched her hand. He recognized the invitation and rested his head against her chest as she lightly ran fingers through his hair causing a quiver down his neck. He melted against his companion and couldn’t help but feel a gulp of fear. They had done this dance before nearly 15 years prior. Now he was here resting against her once more. Her fingers lowered down to his back.

“Quite possibly temporary” had been the phrase she had just used.

“Still have feelings for Leo” he could hear the words clearly but wasn’t about to say “no” to a second chance either.

“Listen,” Cara stopped scratching his back as she began, “I’ve got my dress hanging off the bathroom door. I’ll get dressed and we can take off.”

Steven nodded his consent, “Should I wait to go for a smoke or…?” Cara’s eyebrows raised and her head tilted before she shook her head “no” with less certainty than she preferred.

“Remember my car is a no smoking zone at this point. Go, I’ll be ten minutes at most. Leave the key and I’ll bring it out.”

As Steven hurriedly gathered his shoes, hat, and coat; he watched Cara stroll into his bedroom and close the door. A quick smoke sounded divine.

“7:23” Steven muttered. When they had known one another previously, she had been punctual and prompt.

Steven stood in the brisk cold and looked down at his phone, “7:34.”

He began to wonder whether or not he should call her when the door out of his complex opened suddenly and there was Cara with a distinct spring to her step and a smirk on her face. Somehow, the tumbling dirty blonde hair, 60’s housewife look was neither familiar nor unexpected to him. Steven suddenly recalled the 20’s hat she used to own and smiled. Retro had always been in her wheelhouse.

Once she scanned the area and found him, there was a slight sway to her hips as she approached and handed him back the keys. Her eyes scanned his hands, and he offered her a drag of his cigarette. She refused with certainty this time around. Disappointed, Steven took a final pull off the cigarette and put it out.

“If we want to get there early, we should leave soon,” Steven said.

Cara’s smile widened, “Let’s!”

They walked around the corner to Cara’s car and Steven waited as she unlocked the passenger side door before slipping in. He found her newer Prius to be uncomfortable and missed her old blue Ford.

“This show is one that I love to go and see every year. I’m glad that I get to share it with you this year,” Steven’s face brightened at hearing this, causing Cara’s eyes to softened and her smile to widened.

“Maybe, maybe this time” she found herself thinking.

Day 18:

“You’re going to a concert in Portland!” Cara said.

“Yes, I would only need you to watch the place for a few days.” Steven said. “The only real chore is to feed Mr. Meowface.”

I would be happy to feed and check in on the little Meowser.”

“That is… unless you would like to get a ticket and join me?” Steven said.

“I’ll stay home. Besides, I have some things to do, and it would be expensive.”

“Well… You’re welcome to stay the night if you’d like to get away from roommates and such.”

“That would give me a chance to get acquainted with the place and feel comfortable here.”

Steven stood up and walked over to Cara and wrapped his arms all the way around her.

“Thank you, Cara” and he proceeded to kiss her deeply.

Day 23:

Cara felt her phone vibrate in her coat pocket. She smiled as the messaging the two had maintained into the otherwise boring evening continued,

I wish I’d just bought you a ticket, so you could be here with me. Cara felt a warmth just beneath her cheeks at reading this.

Yeah, it would have been fun to see. It sounds fantastic! The message was away as she set the phone down just beside her.

Almost on que, not even five minutes later, it beeped once more. Then before she could check the first message it beeped a second time. First, it was a photo. Steven’s smile was uncharacteristically broad while being surrounded by people with a stage in the background. He’s the selfie sort, Cara mused. Then she got to the text just below it.

You are the most important person in my life.

She stared at it in confusion and immediately put the phone back down. At the mention of those words, she instinctively thought of Leo. Of how she had secretly hoped for the first month after their break up, he would send something along these lines. Of how, she still cried late at night at the thought of never holding him again. Confusion broke into a measure of anger: this isn’t what we agreed to, she thought.

She picked the phone back up to make sure she had read it correctly. She knew him well enough to know, if only deep down, he still felt some measure of love for her. That he had gotten used to her not being around, but that he’d never actually stopped loving her while she… well… he’d come up in conversation positively over the years. However, his name just didn’t come to mind whenever she had a conversation pertaining to serious partners. Cara’s chest began to tighten, and she shifted in her seat. She trusted him. He trusted her. Why wouldn’t they? They had dated for two years previously. There was two full days before he returned from out of state.

She shook her head, “no,” she had told him about Leo. About how she still had feelings for him and wasn’t ready for anything serious. His quick dismissal and sullen flinch had led her to suspect the message hadn’t stuck.

She continued to shift in her chair as her shoulders tightened until she suddenly realized several minutes had passed.

Grasping at how to respond, she quickly thumbed Are you serious? She hit the delete button several times.

Having a few drinks, are we?

That’s a bit much, don’t ya think? Alright, that’ll have to do. It’s upfront, she hoped it was not too harsh, etc. She quickly fed his cat and left the apartment. Two days. She had two days to figure out how to handle this. She would be able to talk about this with him. Talk. He and I vs. a problem that was the advice she was always hearing, right? Yes, she could talk about this and, therefore, surely, she could get him to talk about it.

No response was received.

Day 25:

Steven didn’t look at Cara as she slipped her shoes on and they started towards her car.

“Mr. Meowface was an entirely good boy all week.” Cara couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“Of course, he always is.” Steven replied

After a few moments of awkward silence, she leaned forward a little bit trying to catch his gaze.

“Hon, it just… It came on a little strong. Are you sure you don’t want to ta-

“I get it, really. It went a little overboard. There’s nothing to talk about.”

Steven glanced briefly at her, without changing his neutral expression. They continued their sauntering walk. They both stopped upon reaching her car and Steven stared at the apartment windows looking down on them.

“Would you like a hug?” Cara’s mouth was a little dry.

“Sure” he said.

Steven’s arms opened slightly. His eyes gazed at her but were tilted down. With a twinge of regret at having even offered, she stepped forward wrapping her arms around him to the middle of his back. Her eyes investigated the same apartments he had just been staring at. If Steven noticed, he gave no indication. He flinched when she gave him a slight squeeze. Cara now pretended not to notice.

She watched him as she slipped into the front seat of her car. He didn’t turn to look at her before rounding the corner back to his apartment. His shoulders had slumped decently the entire time. She let out a decent sized sigh as she turned the key.

“I can fix this” she thought.

Over the next few days their conversations began to return to normal. Cara tried once or twice more to bring the text into the forefront of a conversation, but Steven would divert the subject quickly and efficiently.

Day 35

Steven looked over at Cara lying, still naked, on the opposite side of the bed looking over at him from the propped-up pillows.

While fiddling with his fingers Steven said, “My friend, Dean and his wife, Suzy invited me over for dinner next Saturday. Would you like to come?”

Cara winced a little and stopped to think. She had known Dean back when they originally dated but had never met the lady who became his wife. Steven’s last girlfriend had refused to ever meet any of his friends or, really, even acknowledge their relationship as Steven had described it a few weeks earlier.

“Sure. We should be able to do that.” She said.

Cara rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling.

“Really?” Steven said.

“Yeah, of course... Why would that be a problem?” She suddenly imagined meeting Dean once more. What would they talk about? She couldn’t imagine anything that wasn’t an awkward bout of small talk of the “What have you been up to all these years?” variety.

Day 40

Despite her eyes being closed, she could hear him crossing the floor towards the couch. Her jaw tightened slightly. As he placed his hand on her side, she gasped a little surprised he had bothered to touch her. A bristle would be more accurate.

Her eyes opened with a start, and she said with a sleepy rasp, “Oh, you startled me.” Dinner had been delicious, but she was anxious to head out.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for ice cream?” he asked cocking his head slightly to the side.

“Not tonight. I really should be getting home,” Cara said. Steven pretended not to notice the slight eyeroll.

“Alright,” Steven said.

Cara pretended not to notice his eyes were cast downward.

“When will I see you again?” he asked.

“I’m not too sure. Let’s play it by ear.”

All the while she thought: an email should be sufficient. They had hardly talked in the past weeks anyways. In reality, she didn’t want to deal with it at all.

He will be angry, and he’ll have a right to be, she thought, looking silently at him for a moment.

“Dear Steven,” she began to gather up her coat.

“Let’s admit where this is leading.” She continued as she placed her phone and other small accouterments into her purse.

“While I would like to stay friends with you, this is not going the same direction for the two of us.” She began to tie her shoes.

“When you told me how important I was to you, I didn’t know what to say and I still don’t.” They gave each other a quick hug.

“And I never will.”

© 2024 SourdoughPancakes

Author's Note

What do you think of the characters and dialog? How do you feel about it starting on day 7?

My Review

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Featured Review

Brad Dehler

Interesting write. Steven is relatable and you build a good sympathy in the dialog. Cara too is very personal and you do a good job making them come to life. I enjoy the dialog. Any reason they chose Portland of all cities? Starting on day 7 is intriguing. I think that is a good move, making the reader wonder what happened in the previous week. And then to skip through various dates instead of orderly 1,2,3 makes the story move forward .