That one smile could change everything

The music in my headphones was peaceful. It reminded me of that first time I heard the piano while walking in the woods.

I was happily walking in the woods when I heard it. There was a light breeze adding to the melody. I followed the sound through the woods and found a small single floor modern house. It was in a clearing surrounded by trees and bushes filled with chirping birds flying around the sunlit yard.

I followed the music around the house and there it was; the grand piano that was making the beautiful sound I was listening to.

His fingers moved so tenderly that I thought the piano must have been made of glass but I could see that it was not. The boy was so careful because he loved this piano like his own mother and dearest sister. There was a smile on his lips that made the melody even more beautiful. I stood there patiently waiting for him to notice me or stop playing.

He didn’t stop, he just played and smiled but as I watched I realized that it was not a happy smile. I remembered in that moment about hearing of a motor vehicle accident that took a woman and his daughter and left a young boy without parents. It tore  my heart as I realized that his song was meant for his mother and sister. The boy who was left alone in this cruel world.

Still he smiled.

I sat beside him and gave him a hug. He returned it and said: “Thank you, but you don’t have to cry the tears that should be mine. Please just smile, because with just one true smile you can warm someones heart and change everything.”

So I smiled. I smiled with tears in my eyes and told him that I will be his family even if we aren’t bound by blood.

Reviews

[CC Faye]

The music in my headphones was peaceful.
(You could say, The classical song that was playing in my headphones reminded me of a memory)

I was happily walking in the woods when I heard it.
(You repeated walking in the first paragraph and in the second paragraph. You should change walk to something else. Try a thesaurus.) (You could say, I was in the woods, walking as I heard it.)

There was a light breeze adding to the melody.
(Is confusing sentence. Try to rewrite. You could say. A sad melodic tune)

I followed the sound through the woods and found a small single floor modern house.
(There is no such thing as single floor. Try ' a small bungalow'

It was in a clearing surrounded by decorative trees and bushes filled with chirping birds flying around the sunlit yard.
(add comma after bushes)

I followed the music around the house and there it was; the grand piano that was making the beautiful sound I was listening to.
(You used followed again. Try to change follow to another word. You could say. I moved closer towards the house.)

;the grand piano that was making the beautiful sound I was listening to.
(A confusing sentence) (Rewrite it again)

His fingers moved so tenderly that I thought the piano must have been made of glass but I could see that it was not. The boy was so careful because he loved this piano like his own mother and dearest sister. There was a smile on his lips that made the melody even more beautiful. I stood there patiently waiting for him to notice me or stop playing.
(Add a description of the boy. Then connect the 'his fingers moved...") (add comma before 'but)
(the boy 'looked' so careful 'as if'' he loved the piano very much'

He didn’t stop, he just played and smiled but as I watched I realized that it was not a happy smile. I remembered in that moment about hearing of a motor vehicle accident that took a woman and his daughter and left a young boy without parents. It tore at my heart as I realized that his song was meant for his mother and sister. The boy who was left alone in this cruel world.
(How did she know that this is the boy who was orphan? Add a memory, like she saw the boy walking toward the street with his mother or sister, or something else. then continue to connect this paragraph)

Sill he smiled
(Spelling check)

I sat beside him and gave him a hug. He returned it and said: “Thank you, but you don’t have to cry the tears that should be mine. Please just smile, because with just one true smile you can warm someones heart and change everything.”

(Have a conversation first. Would a boy say thank you when an unknown girl just hugs him?) (Add scenes. EX. The boy is shock when girl hugs him. or the girl saying that she wasn't thinking and just hug him because she felt emotional.)
(Of course, the boy and the girl doesn't know each other so why don't you add a introduction?")

So I smiled. I smiled with tears in my eyes and told him that I will be his family even if we aren’t bound by blood.
(How can she tell him that she will become his family if they didn't developed a relationship yet?)

Sorry, but this is my first time giving a very detailed review. I'm trying to do this on my own work you see.
I think the story is good if there are more scenes and other things to explain the characters about the story.
Keep improving on this. Good work!

[Renvek]

Thank you,

The music in my headphones was peaceful. It reminded me of that first time I heard the piano while walking in the woods.


I was happily walking in the woods when I heard it. There was a light breeze adding to the melody. I followed the sound through the woods and found a small single floor modern house. It was in a clearing surrounded by decorative trees and bushes filled with chirping birds flying around the sunlit yard.



I followed the music around the house and there it was; the grand piano that was making the beautiful sound I was listening to.

His fingers moved so tenderly that I thought the piano must have been made of glass but I could see that it was not. The boy was so careful because he loved this piano like his own mother and dearest sister. There was a smile on his lips that made the melody even more beautiful. I stood there patiently waiting for him to notice me or stop playing.

< I removed the phrase "But no, it wasn't." because while English has few hard rules about usages and most of them can be broken if you know that you are breaking them and are using them for emphasis or with speech of a character that would misuse them. The guideline in this case is starting sentences with transition words such as And, But and Or. Sentences should not start with those words unless it is a deliberate emphasis and when used should not be over used. >

He didn’t stop, he just played and smiled but as I watched I realized that it was not a happy smile. I remembered in that moment about hearing of a motor vehicle accident that took a woman and his daughter and left a young boy without parents. It tore at my heart as I realized that his song was meant for his mother and sister. The boy who was left alone in this cruel world.

Sill he smiled.

I sat beside him and gave him a hug. He returned it and said: “Thank you, but you don’t have to cry the tears that should be mine. Please just smile, because with just one true smile you can warm someones heart and change everything.”

< I combined the words some and one as it is correctly stated someone. >

So I smiled. I smiled with tears in my eyes and told him that I will be his family even if we aren’t bound by blood.

< The final paragraphs are so perfect that other than removing a few words that didn't add anything to the story but are not incorrect to say out loud. This story is worth a tear, thank you for giving me a chance to edit it.

Renvek.

[Renvek]

Howdy

I enjoyed the story for what you wrote. It is a sweet story and worth reading.

My critique:

The music in my headphones was peaceful. It reminded me of that one time when I heard a piano.

The second sentence makes sense however it is missing some descriptors it should be one of these variations:

It reminded me of that one time I heard a piano in the woods.

or;

It reminded me of the first time I heard the piano.

The more I read it, I just noticed that you are from Latvia, your English is fantastic for a second language. You turn a phrase that shows the innocence you are trying to convey however there are a few places where the placement of the words are just off enough to notice. If you would like I would be glad to comment more to fine tune your work. I don't want to take away from your work or disappoint your effort because this is worth while pursuing as a story.

Let me know, thank you for permitting us to read your work.

Renvek

[SoulWriter]

Thank you for the review.
Yes I am from Latvia but I like English so I try to write some stories.
It would be a pleasure if you could help me find the right words to express my stories in English correctly :)

[Saddam]

It is wonderful write with a good thought.
Simply told the story.
Good read friend. It is best quote....

"You don’t have to cry the tears that should be mine. Please just smile, because with just one true smile you can warm some ones heart and change everything.”

[SoulWriter]

Thanks! I don't know how I came up with that line but it just appeared in my mind...

[Saddam]

Welcome dear............