Confessions of A Broken Soul- Pt 1

My life keeps going round and round in meaningless circles
An object of private and public debacle
It feels like I am forever lying on a bed of pointed needles
And normalcy for me is the uncomfortable

Swinging from throws, highs and lows
Punches, beatings and blows
From hunger, lack, abuse and verbal attack
I, my sins are responsible and I cut my creator some slack

For He is love, He loves to hate me
Still sentiments, conditioning, to Him binds me
And the fear of the blaze of everlasting torment
When all my days are finally spent

Still from Him, I want to go very far
Each time I run to Him to help me, please
He kicks me brutally and I end up on my knees
Wounded in pain, in shame with gift of painful scars

And He is good and can do no wrong
For He has for me a thousand promises of beautiful nothings
As long as I behave and play along
Then maybe I could mean or be to Him a useless something

Have you ever all through the day and night cry
Knowing your life and everything you believe is a lie
Ever wished you could undo your existence not just die
Because things stay the same no matter what you do or how you try

I recline to dream of love, comfort and safety in the dark
The only times I felt those was as a child on my mother's back
No, I desire not to speak, share or even shout
Just occasionally for my sanity, pen my thoughts and feelings out