Grave's Calling

Today the grave felt inviting with a hope of comfort
Soon actions will certainly back up this reoccurring thoughts
Then I will be free from the pain of writing Ignored letters to God
The pain of the realization through life's events that I am unworthy of His love
The judgement that comes from penning down the poem
The weight that somehow I can't explain to all of them
The guilt and shame that forever plagues my existence
The unpaid bills and unfulfilled duties that come with existence
The fact that though I try I can't relate with God as a father
I only want to be away from Him farther
And prayers,study and all spiritual activities
feel like meaningless rituals
That constantly initiates a series of weeping spells
I feel like a totally worthless individual
Who has no one and nothing but a notepad to all secrets tell
I strive so hard to see the dawn and the silver lining
Into the darkness I just keep diving
Called all types of negative labels
Along with negative, ungrateful and mentally unstable
Sometime ago I wanted to try
But my wings had been clipped since I was a child
I am stumbling through life not knowing who I am or what I want
Life has been brutal and it's words blunt
Constantly reminding me that it's no place for weaklings of my kind
My mind is constantly stressed trying to survive
I still can't find a reason why I am alive
I might get thrown out of my house
Into the ground after my life's tiny flame has been doused