Pieces of You

Not really a story, not a poem...One of those inbetweens.

Have you ever been so messed up, so confused and scared, that you can't really make sense of your thoughts? Have you ever felt so at fault for something, like you could've done something to stop this horrible thing from happening...

And just couldn't?

 

Have you ever sat down and looked at the pieces of your broken self, weather they're staring at you in the mirror or scattered across the floor like bits of dust and string? Have you ever cradled a shard of yourself in your hands, surrounded by warmth and burning in the light, have you ever stared at it, observed and looked and thought....

I don't need this.

 

But maybe, maybe you did. Maybe...that was a tiny piece that when looked at alone could hardly amount to anything, a pebble inside a crack in the foundation but still, in that same way, a part of it? It's a bit of you, a particle of you, that when alone is nothing, but is just a simple component to something much greater, to you. But, in all your broken, disorganized confusion you hold it tenderly between a thumb and forefinger and just....

Throw it away.

And it burns away into nothing, leaving soot and ash on the floor as a reminder that yes, it was there. Later, when you're lining up the pieces and everything you've thrown away is burned on the floor, black marks against glossy hardwood, you realize something isn't right. The pieces won't fit, and you have to rearrange yourself

 

again

so everything fits without moving, without shifting when you do, and without falling apart. The seams are set and life can go on. And, occasionally, you look down at the ground and see those burnt spots and think...

I want those back... 

But you can't have them. Because you changed, in all of your brokenness, you changed and nothing will put you back to the way you were again. Nothing.  

 

Author's Note

Not much to say, just wanted to get some shit out. Let me know what you think of it.

Reviews

[Bud]

Yes, I have experienced much of what you say, here. You are an absolute Master of expressing yourself. You are concise, and vividly clear on your thoughts and feelings. You have a Talent that I feel will take you far, one day. I believe that the old TV series, "Twilight Zone" isn't so far fetched in a relative way. It seems that we do cross a threshold of sorts into another realm or dimension, when we go through life altering experiences. What is doesn't seem real anymore. What we knew before appears to be a dream. We become eerily aware of a permanent inner change. Like a piece of us has left us forever. And that is exactly what happens. A piece of us dies never to return. All the smoke and mirrors suddenly becomes way too clear. In the end it becomes an illusion to our illusion. We have a preformed ideal of what life is. Along the way we find out that life isn't what we expected or it is that life is being reluctant to come to us.
What you are describing here at the end is a regret of your actions at a certain moment. Sometimes, we have to do what we must to keep our sanity. Damn the consequences. But we regret it later. Who's to say what would've happened had we not committed those acts? And then there is the fact that we learn from the things we do. We learn much about ourselves, when we back ourselves into a corner with no way out but to look in the mirror. Reflections may never lie as to what is being reflected, but the reflection isn't always so clear. A dirty or muddled mirror doesn't reflect well. But a clean, clear mirror will show much detail. Even then it depends on the size of the mirror, and the ability to magnify... It's a past life in which we live. There is no here and now. Our eyes reflecting what we see is time delayed. Same for our hearing, and all of our other senses. The time loss is minimal, but a time delay all the same. What's most important in life, is that we learn to accept ourselves. Change the things we dislike about our behavior or some of the other little nuances we declare, but accepting ourselves for who we are. Once we accept ourselves, our path becomes more clear and focused. Aveira, accept you for you. You are a very Talented person. Way above the average. Your writing ability is to be envied by many. It will take you far, if you allow it to. Nurture it. Do know that there is a brighter side to life. It's not all dark and dismal. Sometimes, we make it dark by dwelling on past events. How can you see in the dark if you don't light a fire or turn on the light? Let your light shine.

[Georgia Gypsy]

OH the imagry is perfect to describe how broken one can feel when something breaks in their life, leaving a void, causing so much confusion--causing us to feel we no longer need those parts of us. And yes you are right you cant put it back, and cant be the same person again....however you can be better, stronger, and wiser so no one else can be allowed to break that fragile heart.

Great job pumpkin:)
no, not a poem or story, but a wonderful piece:)
k