Things Unseen

An old poem, about a person hiding feelings and such.

I’m so broken
And tired of being open
And I just want the day to end
So I can go to a place where reality bends
And I have real friends with actual hearts and ears
And they’ll listen and let me speak and they will hear
All the things I have to say and everything that's bothering me today
Like how no one gives a s**t about me or the way I feel, except for them
And no one can really see how broken I am, because I’m hiding and lying 
But they should see anyway, I’ll say, because they know me there but not today
I keep giving my all and keep slipping, but I don’t fall, because I can’t explain to them why
I can’t explain to them why I fell in the first place. 
 

Author's Note

I contemplated putting this up for a while, it's been sitting on my computer for maybe a month or so now, probably longer than that, and I kind of had this feeling it wasn't very good. I don't know, but I thought, what the hell, I'll post it anyway.

Please let me know what you think, I haven't gotten many reviews lately and it makes me sad. :(

Reviews

[Georgia Gypsy]

It is very good!! i especially like the last few lines. I know how it feels to slip and fall, and not be able to explain to anyone what happened or why you fell....or why getting up is so difficult or impossible.

And i'm sorry you havent gotten many reviews lately pumpkin....send me when you post...you know i'll read your work....I love everything you write!!!

Keep your chin up!! And keep writing!!:)

[Emily]

I think this is quite good. I like the style you've used, where each consecutive line gets longer and more complicated until the last when things are clearly stated in a shortened statement. I very much love this line "And no one can really see how broken I am, because I'm hiding and lying "
IT is fantastic. There are always things we hide from people, and they never really know just how broken we really are behind our masks.
We have friends who are always there for us, with open hearts and open ears, waiting to hear what we have to say. I like that you have ended this piece by absolutely confounding the reader. We thought that you had friends to confide in, who would always listen to you and to whom you could tell anything, but suddenly, in the last line: "I can't explain to them why I fell in the first place. "
We realize that they are in fact, not as close as we once thought, and they are not a complete escape because you cannot truly let go and tell them everything which is on your mind.
I really like what you have done with this piece, thank you for sharing it with us!