Fallin'

And then there was this. This impending feel of loss. Of regret and remorse.
Loss of respect for ones own well being. What's left in this cruel long breath? Could there be some moment... some moment of hope. Highly hoping for greatness and happiness. Such great heights have a thunderous fall. Soon the moments become dull. The precious moments of hope. You've clawed on these thoughts of hope. Now what's left? Broken, empty, and desperate. Desperation flows in. Screaming for the answers. But no one to listen. Listen to the pleas of an empty cartridge. Acting upon nothing. Being nothing. So then become nothing.

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

You weave a smooth flowing dirge of rhyme for us. One that takes into that shadowy place called "Nothingness" You're ink captures that place and brings it to life. The poem has done it's work with good timing and ability.
Yet, is there truly nothing when the ink does flow, for the ink has a life that's something. It's how it does show. =)

Thanks for sharing!
Aaron

[Jade]

Well it was my first poem on here. Definitely not my last. Thank you. I really thought I would get more negative criticism since it was so rough and not refined to much. But thank you again for that :]

[Wolfwind]

You're welcome! I usually don't critique poetry on the technical levels. For me poetry is almost free form, so when I read it, I'm just looking for where the words take me and how it makes me feel. If I were to make a suggestion, it would only be to put each sentence it's own seperate line. But that's a 50/50 thing since I think it flows really well as it is. It's got a good tempo to the rhyme which I enjoy. =)

[Nick.B]

Very emotional, in this piece I can see the feeling of loneliness and desperation, it's an interesting work, good job...

[Autumn Apple]

I really enjoyed this - awesome read - thanks for sharing with us =)

[JP Lubbert]

Its an aweasome poem, it got to me in a verry personal level and the rythm mas great i hope you keep writing here so i can enyoy more of
You work, thanks for the read