25. Things We Never Said

Richie and Theo hit the town. Looking for a good time, what they find might be some closure.

“You gonna buy me dinner or what?” I spout at the bouncer guy who’s patting me down way more aggressively than necessary. He ignores my comment, only shoots me a look and motions for me to enter to the building. Theo laughs, holding the door open for me.

This bar is way more ostentatious than I was expecting. The decor of the building makes it seem like a high class establishment, there’s an outside lounge area with nice leather couches, there’s a dance floor section with strobing lights, waitresses are walking by holding bottles with huge, bright sparks coming from them, and most noticeably there’s a big stage on one side where scantily clad women are dancing to EDM music.

“Interesting place you picked.” I comment to Theo.

“It had to be here,” he answers. “You’ll see.”

I follow him to seats in the center, with a good view of the stage. A brunette bartender somewherein her thirties walks over to us.

“What can I get you?” she asks with a smile.

“I feel like cocktails,” Theo says, skimming through the menu. “Lemme get a Manhattan.”

“No problem.”

She now looks over at me.

“Lemme get a Sprite.” I answer. She grins at me like I’m a little kid then heads off.

Theo laughs at me. “You haven’t changed much, huh, Rich?”

I shrug. “In some ways. But some things never change, that’s how you stay, well, you.”

“It’s crazy, man,” he says. “I been thinking back to high school and all those years, looking back on it from now, the way it all turned out ain’t nothing like how we planned it.”

“Word. Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

“You ever regret it? You know…”

He leans back in his seat, takes a deep breath, then stares off in thought.

“A part of you always regrets,” he answers. “But when I first found out I was having a kid, I thought my life was over. When I didn’t go to college and quit football and all that, it felt like everything was a wrap. But now that I’m actually doing it, it’s different. I mean, I’m not in the best place I could be, and it’s the hardest thing I ever did, but you know what, I’m still here. Life goes on. Feel me?”

“Life goes on,” I repeat, letting those words play through my head. “You’re right about that.”

“To be honest,” he says with a slightly embarrassed grin. “The whole time I was getting ready of this parenthood thing I was thinking of you.”

“Of me?”

“Yup. No disrespect by this, but you know, the situation with your pops. I know you don’t talk much about it, but when I think about that and look at the way you turned out…”

I don’t know how to feel about that. “Is there something wrong with how I turned out?”

“No,” he replies. “That’s the point.”

I raise a brow, unsure of where he’s going with this.

He elaborates. “You’re one of the realest, most level-headed dudes I know. When you decided to skip school and go try things out in Cali I was proud of you. I woulda never had the courage to do that. Your dad, with all due respect, is a scumbag. You probably never thought about it, but maybe he did the right thing by staying out of your life. That way he had no chance to screw you up, and the way you turned out now, maybe wouldn’t be so great if he was there.”

This is all a complete surprise to me. I had never known any of my friends thought of me like this. I would never, ever guess Theo, the game-winning, girl-getting, most popular kid in school who I spent a good chunk of those four years being jealous of, would ever admire something in me.

He goes on, “But sometimes I look at my daughter and I wonder if I’m doing that to her. If maybe she would be better off…”

“Chill,” I cut him off. “Don’t even think like that. Theo, you are nothing like my dad. And Sierra’s gonna grow up fine, you just watch.”

He runs a hand over his now dreadless head and smiles to himself.

“Thanks, man.” he responds.

The waitress returns with our drinks. He raises the fancy glass to his lips and finishes it with one big sip. I look down at the plastic cup in my hand that’s mostly full of ice and my mind continues to wonder.

“Yo, Theo,” I say. “Did you keep in touch with anyone? I mean, what happened to everybody? Do you know?”

“I gotchu.” he says, pulling out his phone. He scrolls through it for a moment, then holds it out to me.

“Dig this.”

I look at the screen and am somewhat shocked by the familiar face. It’s Grant Peters, with a buzz cut and dressed in military uniform, doing a salute.

“Your boy joined the airforce.” Theo explains.

“Wow,” I say, genuinely impressed. “I didn’t know he had it in him.”

“He’s a different man now. Oh, and look at this.”

He shows me another picture, of some guy I don’t recognize. He’s a tall, muscular dude in a tank top, with long, red hair and a bottle of beer in his hand while he excitedly shouts something.

“Get a load of him,” Theo brags. “He went out to Virginia for business school and he’s the life of the party down there. He’s living the life we all thought we were gonna go to college and have.”

He scrolls to another picture of the guy, this one featuring a beautiful hispanic woman with her arms wrapped around him.

“Wait,” I interject. “Who even is he?”

Theo looks appalled. “You don’t remember Steve McLeary?”

I nearly spit out my drink. “That’s Steve McLeary!?”

“Yup. All grown up now.”

“Bro! He was Little Steve last time I saw him, what did he go through puberty twice?”

“Maybe his body just caught up with his confidence.”

“Dang,” I breathe, still in shock. “Everything is different now.”

Theo laughs. At this point, the women dancing on the stage are switching shifts. Three or four new girls come in and start shaking their merchandise in perfect synchronization. I’m not looking at them very much, though. My mind is still preoccupied with piecing things together.

“Yo,” I begin, unsure of why I even want to know this. “Do you know what Travis has been up to?”

Theo looks surprised, as if that name opens up memories that haven’t been touched in years.

“Travis,” he repeats, as if to remind himself. “I haven’t talked to him in years. After what he did to you the end of Senior year, I told him about himself and we sorta cut contact.”

I’m surprised, having no idea that argument between them had happened.

Theo continues. “I heard it through the grapevine, though, that he and some other wannabe singers started a band together and they hit the road. They’re supposed to be in a van or something going around the country aimlessly, playing wherever they can. All I know is he left a month after graduation and I don’t think anybody ever saw him again.”

“Woah, for real?” I ask. My words hang there, and for a moment we sit silently in remembrance of times that are way behind us now. We sit and reflect until the music and life of the bar breaks through and brings us back to reality.

“Oh,” Theo remembers. “There’s one person you forgot to ask about.”

“Who?” I ask. He simply points over to the stage full of dancing women. I notice he’s pointing to one in particular.

Between the strobing lights and her constant movement, it’s hard to get a good look at her. She seems our age, is pretty thin with a body made for being flaunted on a stage, somewhat pale skin showing through fishnet stockings and out of short sleeves, a tattoo of a black crescent moon is on her shoulder, a piercing shines from her exposed belly button, her hair is a bright, radiant blonde, and her face seems way too caked in makeup to identify until her routine brings her front and center to the stage. Finally, I realize this dancing girl is CJ Wellings.

“Yo!” I exclaim, nearly thrown back in my seat.

Theo laughs. “I knew that would be your reaction.”

Soon, the dancers finish up their routine and head out for a break. Theo leads the way through the dancefloor to the outdoor lounge area. He still has the command and presence he’s always had, he’s able to just walk through a crowd with no problem. I, on the other hand, am being bumped into and shoved and yelled at by a different stranger every two seconds, until I eventually lose sight of him. When I eventually make it out of the savagery, I arrive at the glass door exit, and I see Theo theo standing there hugging CJ. Her makeup is starting to smear with sweat and she has a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. They’re alone out there, and begin talking. I can’t hear them over the music, but I can see they’re both happily laughing. Streams of smoke pour out of her familiar smile.

As I step through the door, into the still, quiet air of the night, Theo meets eyes with me.

“Look who’s here.” he tells CJ, who hadn’t turned her head.

She looks back and sees me, and she immediately gasps. Her mouth hangs open until the cigarette falls out, and her blue eyes are wide with surprise. The light from the street posts reflects in them.

“Oh my god,” she utters in disbelief. “Richie!”

I’m not sure what to say, I just feel myself start to smile.

“Hey, CJ.” I greet, nervous though I’m not sure why.

She steps forward and throws her arms around me, holding on seemingly as tight as she can. I look over to Theo, who smiles and shrugs, then I hug her back.

“Richie,” she repeats, pulling away from the hug and looking me in the face. “I haven’t seen you since high school! I didn’t think we’d ever meet again.”

“My bad,” I reply. “I’ve been on the other side of the country. But you didn’t think I just forgot about everyone, did you?”

She smiles at me, and for a second it feels like I’m in eleventh grade again, seeing that beautiful smile for the first time. But then her makeup and the smell of cigarette smoke reminds me everything’s different.

Theo’s phone vibrates in his jacket and he pulls it out.

“V’s calling,” he reports. “I gotta take this, y’all catch up.”

With that, he heads around to the other side of the building. CJ and I are alone. We meet eyes, then we both go to speak at the same time. The fragments of our words spill out over each other, causing us to laugh.

“You first.” she says.

I shrug. “I was just gonna ask how you’ve been.”

She sighs, staring off into space as the light from the corner above us illuminates the side of her face.

“It’s been hell and back since graduation,” she answers. “I cut ties with my family and did my best to make it on my own.”

“You’re living alone?” I ask.

“Well, no,” she answers. “I live with a boyfriend. It’s a condo in the slums for now, but we’ll be out of New York one day. When everything’s together, maybe I’ll go to school and everything, but for now we’re doing what we can. I’m still figuring it all out, you know?”

“For what it’s worth,” I reply. “You don’t seem too lost.”

She smiles. “I hope not. I’m still broken, just now I’m picking up the pieces.”

She leans against the brick wall of the bar and takes a deep sigh.

“What about you?” she asks. “How’ve things been.”

“Great,” I answer. “Not the way I planned, but I can’t complain. Life back in Cali is great, especially since I moved out on my own. When you’re younger it’s like you’re scared of the world, but once you go out and see it you get a new perspective.”

“I bet. And I’m glad. You deserve to be happy.”

She smiles at me again.

“You know,” she says, closing her eyes as if embarrassed. “My biggest regret in high school was not dating you.”

“What?” I laugh, caught off guard. “I didn’t even know you liked me.”

“I didn’t,” she replies. “Not at first. Not till you stopped liking me, then for whatever reason it all changed. I realized you were different from all the other people I was around, and something about you made me wanna be different too. That makes no sense, I know. But I used to like you so much.”

She laughs to herself and shakes her head.

“I was such a stupid kid in high school.” she says to herself more than to me.

I laugh too. “Same,” I agree. “But I never thought I would hear you say any of that.”

She simply shrugs. “Those things don’t matter now, not the way they used to.”

“CJ,” I say, nearly stumbling over my words. “Whatever happened between us back then, you showed me a lot. Honestly, those years wouldn’t have been the same without you.”

Her smile becomes a little bit more vulnerable. I begin to laugh as memories resurface.

“Remember prom?” I ask. Now she’s laughing too.

“Prom was lit,” she exclaims. “I still have those pictures somewhere, I gotta find them!”

“Word,” I reply. “I never said thanks for-”

The beeping of a car’s horn cuts me off. We turn, to see a pickup truck pulled up on the road beside us. Through the darkness I can barely make out the appearance of a man with long hair, smoking a cigarette and tapping on the side of the car impatiently.

CJ sighs and looks over to me. “That’s my ride.”

She gets up off the wall and brushes herself off.

“Well, goodbye then.” I say as we meet eyes.

She grins. “Take care, Richie.”

Author's Note

Three more to go